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Parent Emeritus
Finally had enough...but it is hard
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 720836" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing by making him leave. Letting him live in your home and steal from you and use drugs is enabling. None of us want to ever do that but we are all guilty of it. I think that they do outpatient rehab to shut us up but if they're not invested in it, it won't work.</p><p></p><p>I agree that at 29 he needs to figure this thing called life out on his own. He has taken advantage of you - our son did also. </p><p></p><p>We sent our son to Florida in March of 2016 to hopefully stay sober after rehab in Illinois. He has spent a year there and is still not sober although I do think he has learned a lot.</p><p></p><p>We are sending him to a faith based program in Tennessee for 11 months next week. He is being compliant but feels he can stay sober at home. We disagree. He has to realize it's his ADDICTION making him do bad thing and not his WILL. He is insistent but we are firm. I have told him that our love cannot fix him, if it did we wouldn't be here. He said he knows he has to go but he will keep trying to come home.</p><p></p><p>Our son is much younger but we are heading into year seven with this so I feel this is one box we have not checked. We will help him as long as he is working on his sobriety. We are forcing it. If he does want to be closer to us he has to go through this door. I will not have him get sober in my home. He has to be one year sober before we would even consider bringing him closer. If this doesn't "take" then he really will be on his own.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong. There is an article on detachment on this forum if you go on the main page; that is helpful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 720836, member: 15032"] Welcome. You are doing the right thing by making him leave. Letting him live in your home and steal from you and use drugs is enabling. None of us want to ever do that but we are all guilty of it. I think that they do outpatient rehab to shut us up but if they're not invested in it, it won't work. I agree that at 29 he needs to figure this thing called life out on his own. He has taken advantage of you - our son did also. We sent our son to Florida in March of 2016 to hopefully stay sober after rehab in Illinois. He has spent a year there and is still not sober although I do think he has learned a lot. We are sending him to a faith based program in Tennessee for 11 months next week. He is being compliant but feels he can stay sober at home. We disagree. He has to realize it's his ADDICTION making him do bad thing and not his WILL. He is insistent but we are firm. I have told him that our love cannot fix him, if it did we wouldn't be here. He said he knows he has to go but he will keep trying to come home. Our son is much younger but we are heading into year seven with this so I feel this is one box we have not checked. We will help him as long as he is working on his sobriety. We are forcing it. If he does want to be closer to us he has to go through this door. I will not have him get sober in my home. He has to be one year sober before we would even consider bringing him closer. If this doesn't "take" then he really will be on his own. Stay strong. There is an article on detachment on this forum if you go on the main page; that is helpful. [/QUOTE]
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Finally had enough...but it is hard
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