FINALLY! I have decided

[klmno]

the best way to deal with my mother's continuous letters to difficult child about family issues is to tell her " Dear Mom, I will save your letters to difficult child until he has reached an age and level of maturity that they would be appropriate. Right now, he his in a different point in life that I don't think you can understand".

How's that?

 

[Mattsmom277]

Perfect, short, sweet, no drama, no blame, no attacks, just facts. I like it.

 

[TeDo]

Love it. Short, sweet and to the point without fingerpointing. Go for it.

 

[Shari]

I think it is spot-on!

 

[AnnieO]

YES!!! I definitely think that's exactly the right way to handle it.

 

[Hound dog]

Perfect. Don't change a thing.

 

[DDD]

Way To Go! Ddd

 

[klmno]

Wow! I had no idea it was that good. LOL! Thank you all for your support! She lives in her on little world, doesn't respect appropriate boundaries or any requests I make, has said and done inappropriate things around difficult child before, etc, but then will inevitably threaten grandparent's rights and threaten to "call all kinds of people and stir up all kinds of koi" so this is the best I can think of. There hasn't been any "real" communication with her and I in years and I know it wouldn't do any good to try to reason with her.

I don't know what's happening with me lately but I am almost starting to feel like my brain is starting to think clearly again, little by little. (Oh please don't jinx me, almighty board!) I know that's a strange thing to say but the wear and tear of difficult child life, constant court/PO threats that I had to endure in that last jurisdiction for several years, the stress of losing job and home, etc, left me in crisis and survival mode for a long time. I think that was effecting how I was dealing with those constant but less important annoyances in life and thorns in my side.

Believe it or not, I'm even putting together a gift bag of little goodies for my boss's expected baby. Ok, that's really because I'm considering it my "bag of honey" and I happen to LOVE buying baby things, so I guess I can't really claim I've gotten overly nice and friendly where he's concerned. ;}

 

[susiestar]

Are you already getting the letters she is sending to him? Is he allowed to call her from Department of Juvenile Justice with-o your approval? If you are already getting the letters sent to you to be sent to him, I would not say anything at all to her. Unless he is getting the letters from her or is calling her, then I advise just not telling her anything about the letters.

I see a lot of my mom in your mom. Sending ANY letter saying you will keep her letters from difficult child will just fire her up because she honestly believves you have no right to set boundaries for your life or for difficult child's life. I do think the letter is well written and if a letter must be sent it is a good one. But ANY letter you send will be waving a big red flag in front of a bull. She may just start stirring up koi, calling the PO, even calling CPS because you are not allowing him to have a relationship with her. NOT that seh wants one, her behavior over his lifetime has proven she doesn't. What will light her fire is that you are saying that she can't do something. Like a difficult child, even if it is something they do not want to do they will have an absolute fit is you tell them tehy can't do it.

I would screen calls and not answer hers for a while, just put the letters aside when they come, and do what you can to make sure she can't call or visit difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice. The only reason I could see that she would go to Department of Juvenile Justice to visit would be to tell difficult child how awful you are and to complain to staff people there about you to try to stir up trouble for you with the staff and PO.

It is a great letter though.

 

[TerryJ2]

I LIKE it!!! Bravo. Mail it, now!