Hi everyone, I am a longtime lurker and have posted just a few times. I am short on time (which I know isn't an excuse) but have always felt that if I can't give to this site than I shouldn't be asking for a lot of your time. Given the stress of the last few weeks I'll make the committment to be a more active memeber. I've found great comfort in your words and have learned so much from all of you.
My difficult child is 12. He does fairly well in school and functions well outside the home. He has friends, is a great athlete and is a good and kind person when he chooses to be. At home it's a different story. He's angry, negative and verbally cruel to his 7 year old brother. He has had a history of violent rages in the past but those ended a couple of years ago until Sunday night. He lost is grandfather in May and since that time has become increasingly hostile. He returned from a great visit to his aunt in Florida two weeks ago and since then really challenged every ounce of patience we have. He argues everything and is frustrated by the smallest things. He is seldom happy, just angry, and the happy periods seem to be more silly and strange then really happy.
Sunday night he had a major meltdown and become very violent. Broke things, hit my husband, threatened to kill himself (even wrapped a cord around his neck) and threatened to kill us. We called 911 and transported him to the hospital. By the time we got there he was calm and whining about wasting his time. We were "evaluated" by someone without much training (no offense but I have a graduate degree in counseling and knew as much as she did!) and were sent home. They would have kept him if we'd wanted but we really didn't see the point. By the time we got home he was his "normal" self and, in his own way, I think was sorry about the whole thing. We live in a very rural community, the nearest major medical center is two hours away. Mental health care is frighteningly limited.
Now my questions...we're finding this "warrior" parent mentality pretty challenging. I know that it's imperative we set strong limits and have a zero tolerance policy for violence. What does zero tolerance really look like and what happens if we call 911 again? Do they just keep sending us home? He has "run" a couple of times in the past but not far and has returned within a couple of hours. I'm terrified of him doing that and, as a result, I don't think I'm as firm as I should be. How do we start this uphill journey? How do you find the strength to make decsions and stick wtih them? I am so worried about adolescence! He is very articulate but completely unable to communicate feelings and frustrations. He was evaluated a year and a half ago and the only thing they could comp up with was not otherwise specified anxiety.
We have him hooked up with a therapist on Wednesday who we like and who has a great deal of experience with behaviorally challenged kids. We made going to therapy a requirement of going to skateboard camp but I worry about his compliance with another evaluation and continued therapy.
I'd appreciate and advice or words or wisdom. I realize you have a great deal...
My difficult child is 12. He does fairly well in school and functions well outside the home. He has friends, is a great athlete and is a good and kind person when he chooses to be. At home it's a different story. He's angry, negative and verbally cruel to his 7 year old brother. He has had a history of violent rages in the past but those ended a couple of years ago until Sunday night. He lost is grandfather in May and since that time has become increasingly hostile. He returned from a great visit to his aunt in Florida two weeks ago and since then really challenged every ounce of patience we have. He argues everything and is frustrated by the smallest things. He is seldom happy, just angry, and the happy periods seem to be more silly and strange then really happy.
Sunday night he had a major meltdown and become very violent. Broke things, hit my husband, threatened to kill himself (even wrapped a cord around his neck) and threatened to kill us. We called 911 and transported him to the hospital. By the time we got there he was calm and whining about wasting his time. We were "evaluated" by someone without much training (no offense but I have a graduate degree in counseling and knew as much as she did!) and were sent home. They would have kept him if we'd wanted but we really didn't see the point. By the time we got home he was his "normal" self and, in his own way, I think was sorry about the whole thing. We live in a very rural community, the nearest major medical center is two hours away. Mental health care is frighteningly limited.
Now my questions...we're finding this "warrior" parent mentality pretty challenging. I know that it's imperative we set strong limits and have a zero tolerance policy for violence. What does zero tolerance really look like and what happens if we call 911 again? Do they just keep sending us home? He has "run" a couple of times in the past but not far and has returned within a couple of hours. I'm terrified of him doing that and, as a result, I don't think I'm as firm as I should be. How do we start this uphill journey? How do you find the strength to make decsions and stick wtih them? I am so worried about adolescence! He is very articulate but completely unable to communicate feelings and frustrations. He was evaluated a year and a half ago and the only thing they could comp up with was not otherwise specified anxiety.
We have him hooked up with a therapist on Wednesday who we like and who has a great deal of experience with behaviorally challenged kids. We made going to therapy a requirement of going to skateboard camp but I worry about his compliance with another evaluation and continued therapy.
I'd appreciate and advice or words or wisdom. I realize you have a great deal...