First day back at school Yeah!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ropefree, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    For the non-readers. this is about my family. it's long. The winter 'break' is finally over!
    Recap: it was teenage nonscence that lead me to this site in October. Just befor Christmas I grounded my difficult child, took out the internet, the computer, and changed rooms with him.
    "Why did you take my room, Mom?"
    "Because I felt like it."
    Actually why I did that was to give him a daily reminder that he had a woken into a transformed condition.
    He turned a corner and has been cooperative and compliant and I am feeling renewed confidence in his resolve.
    He began asking what he needed to do to get his priviledges restored right away and at first I offered nothing. After a couple days he started volunterring ideas and I said I would take those under consideration.
    We continued in counseling. Then when I began to feel renewed confidence in him from the way he behaved and his earnest efforts including talking to me about things I finally asked for a list of what were his responciblities and also a list of what he had done that resulted in the grounding.
    Initally he offered three of the things that were part of how he got this consequence. He had all the responcibilities listed in three columes. Well done. I felt so impressed that he did know them.
    I gave him back the list of three things he had done to earn the grounding.
    I asked him to list each thing he had done and the new list had 24 items and those were the complete list.
    Next I gave him a two part task where he placed the offence into a question: who did _____ hurt and how did it hurt them?
    today and in the future challenged with a similar situation how will you meet your obligations and respociblities?
    He completed the excersise and we went over it together.
    And then with the conselor. he began having excursions with his friends shortly after that but he is still under restrictions.

    And then my sister called and my brother e-mailed and phoned. My mothers health took a down turn.
    My mother is bi-polar with psycotic episodes. Last year she had a cerbral hemerage and over the last year has made fantastic improvements. My father saved her life!
    Seven years ago after much thought and conseling I had made the desition
    at the recommendation of others to limit any relationship between us to a theraputic context. Which she rejected. And my Dad, who seems to relish being mean, seconded.
    The first information I recieved was through my brother who was distraught with the then freash crissis and wanted me to advise and help as in our family I had "the way" to get through to and along with Dad.
    Over the last year we have reestablished relations, my siblings and I, and
    while my Mom was in dire straights I had said I was not going to stir the emotional pot by arriving to see her.
    Also, as these intra-familia matters are rough waters I was and am not willing to interfere with my sons education by adding the drama of this family of mine.
    Naturally the crisis my Mother had this winter falls just when I am confronting issues with my son!
    Just when I was poised to go my son came down with a fever.
    And my Mom has had a turn for the better.

    At the time when I did stop contact seven years ago (after reading Toxic Parents) my underlying thought was "What would I be like without this stress in my life?"
    I swear it was the best thing I could have done! I discovered that I am so not an intiator of 'issues' and 'problems' and that when I set a boundary I am able to enjoy my life just fine without the 'issues' and 'problems' that others can bring with them. Also, because I have this learned skill of helping the depressive I gather them like like flowers do bees. and I can be caring and help when I wish and be kind and not like wise.
    But first I drained my well spring over and over first.

    My path to this point was from getting into relationship and being loyal when it was not serving me one wit. In conseling I discovered that the turmoil that felt like home was not what I "need" it is what I "know".

    This is a heck of a way to spend ones life. Rediscovering the wheel. And when it comes to mental illness and the treatment and educations and the
    services that families do need I am a poster child-adult who is quite sure that this is an area that needs work.

    Children and adolescents ought not be figuring out for themselves on the ground over the years of their lives what the caring attention of a wise
    person can convey in minutes or and hour or a week.

    My brother called and he said " I had to talk to you because you know how Dad is...and when I talk to other people they do not get it."

    I said to my sister "I really want a diagnosis for Dad."

    My sister heard about it on the radio.

    My brother called and emailed. He was laughing, it was joyous!

    Aspergers...clear as a bell...light, but by golly, looks like a duck, waddles like a duck,

    Knowledge. Don't leave home without it.