First day back.

[Shari]

I dropped wee off at school today. His SpEd teacher comes in and meets him each morning. She was running late, so I waited.
***
Wee has been out almost 3 weeks because of the suspension. He was very anxious about returning to school because of the other little BD girl in his class. He just knows he is going to get mad at her and do something to get in trouble.
***
We got to school and he was visiting with classmates about his break. I pulled up a chair along the wall and just watched. I was there 8 minutes. That girl approached him 4 times in that 8 minutes. Each time, wee would duck under a table or move behind someone else to stay away from her, and she would raise her arms towards him, smile at him and laugh, then look to see if I was watching, and when she saw I was, would then walk away. Four times in eight minutes...imagine if this happens all day long?
***
Then we found out she has been moved to sit at his table. Oh my...
***
I emailed the SpEd. She had already made the classroom teacher move the girl from wee's table. She asked permission to forward my email to the principal, as she has expressed the same concerns and he still has not done anything as a result of the incident that was wee's first suspension (both suspensions involved this little girl in some fashion or another).
***
I get that we can't control the environment around wee forever and he's going to have to learn to deal with people like this; but asking him to deal with her when we know dang good and well that he doesn't have the skill set to do is is just plain wrong. And the girl is very obviously putting herself in his space to provoke wee - no one denies that. That he has been the only one punished so far is messed up. Beyond that, she's bullying. To deliberately intimidate another repeatedly is bullying and supposedly not tolerated by our school. Apparently as long as its not physical, its not a problem...
***
Hopefully the principal will get back to me. Soon.

 

[Andy]

That girl does sound like a bully - and she has received undue power over wee. The teachers are sending her the message that she is allowed to harrass wee to no ends. You are correct about not being able to shelter from everything but you are also correct that this is one that you can shelter. Wee shouldn't have to deal with that all day harrassing. Those two should be as far apart as possible. If no one will work with the girl to make her actions unacceptable, then wee should not have to put up with them.

Tonight I would praise him up and down at how well he worked at trying to avoid her. Let him know that you saw that she was being a pest - that it was very wrong of that girl to behave like that and you are so proud that Wee didn't let her make him explode or lash back at her.

I am curious, when you got to the room and found no teacher, were there other parents there waiting as well or are parents just leaving their kids unattended? I would speak with the teacher and ask what school policy is. I know even in our small day school, kids in Pre-K and K are NEVER left alone for even a minute while the teacher runs to get something. Another teacher or a parent is asked to help watch the kids until the teacher returns. Can you imagine what would happen if Wee and that girl were left without an adult in the room? The girl would harrass, harrass, harrass Wee until his breaking point and get away with it while Wee would be the one in trouble because he got fed up and defended himself the only way he knew how.

Our school also started a gathering of kids in the lunch room before school with volunteer adults to watch the kids until a set time that teachers had to be in the classroom. Kids knew if they got to school between 8:00 and 8:15/8:20 that they HAD to go to the lunch room to wait until school started.

 

[Shari]

The mainstream teacher is in the room, but the SpEd comes to the mainstream room to start the day with wee...I was waiting on her.

Technically, I have the ok now to leave wee without his aid or the SpEd teacher...but the mornings are chaotic and the mainstream teacher sees none of this...and frankly, I'm not taking the chance. This isn't the first time I've noticed this girl being in wee's space.

Principal just emailed me back. He has sent a rough draft of a plan to the mainstream teacher. Once she looks it over, and the make any changes, they will let me know what this plan is. I'm curious.

 

[tictoc]

I hope this gets worked out soon. True, you won't always be able to control Wee's environment, but he is 7, afterall, and it is the responsibility of the school admin to ensure that all children are safe at the school. Even if Wee didn't have special needs, the principal would have a responsibility to do something about one child intimidating another child every 2 minutes.

 

[susiestar]

Shari, this girl is impacting wee's education. HE has a right to FAPE in the LRE, period. He also has the RIGHT to not be bullied. If an adult was doing this to an adult it would be a hostile work environment. This law is sometimes used in schools by creative lawyers. (Have seen it used here by husband's Easy Child fiance. she is a brilliant family law atty.)

You MUST put this in writing and go to the Superintendent of schools. I do not CARE how upset principal will be. Nor should you. The school policy is NOT being followed and your child is being HURT. Real, lasting damage is being done to wee. Just think about all the talk shows where kids who were bullied talk long after high school to the people who bullied them in elementary school. Will you LET wee be treated like this? Cause that is what is happening.

It is past time to hold their feet to the fire. Not sure what the girl's parents are doing to keep school from suspending her. Might be interesting to talk to other teachers and parents about her. This is not her first time. She shows too much skill to be new to it. USE this and the suspension wee got to hold the school's feet to the fire until the GIRL is PUNISHED. PERIOD. Wee must SEE that you stand up for him. 100% stand up and scream NO for him. It will be the best way to stop this and teach him to keep trusting you to care for this.

It IS hard. You want cooperation not fighting. Ask the principal why you should not file a complaint that wee was suspended and his education was harmed and his SOUL was harmed by the girl and then doubly harmed by the school suspending HIM and not punishing girl. The mainstream tteacher must also be held accountable.

in my opinion you will only truly help wee by standing up to the school to demand fair and legal treatment. You will only teach him to be a victim if you do not start protesting this abuse of him. I know you don't want that. And that conflict is really hard for you. I also know you do not want them to damage him.

Do you have wee see a therapist? I think it may be time to have someone who can evaluate how this is all harming him and help figure out ways to stop it. Someone who is an "expert" and can help you document all of this.

It is a shame the school doesn't really care about wee. Cause the mainstream teacher clearly does NOT. Wonder what she would say if you asked her why she doesn't care one bit about your son?

 

[Shari]

I'm going to see to it that this is addressed. Until I have a copy of that plan, I will bother principal twice a day. Actually, this group does seem to care about wee, unlike last year's group. And it was actually last year's principal that stuck wee and this girl together. It is very easy for me to get angry at this group for last year's actions, and they really have been very helpful.

First thing Sped did this morning was to make to make mainstream move the girl from wee's table. And my email was forwarded to the principal and beyond...so if something does happen before I have the plan in hand, I will fall back on that. I also plan to play the bully card if needed.

Til then, I'm going to be sure his aids are aware of this behavior so they can intervene and be on the lookout. They are the ones fighting this batlle, anyway. I've also talked to wee and will ask to move him to another classroom if no other solution is offered. I'll calll an IEP meeting before we do that, tho.

I just curse pretty boy for putting us in this position to begin with. He certainly did not have the best interest of either of these kids in mind...

 

[Christy]

At least the Sp Ed teacher is on your side. Moving to another table is a start. I hope the principal follows throw and the issue is resolved.