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Substance Abuse
First family therapy session a disaster!
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 50344" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>I also tend to think that the therapist was bringing up a legitimate concern. difficult child trying to dictate "trust me or else" terms is familiar behavior to me and does not, in my experience, bode well for the future.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion, of course, but we've been there done that. In our case, I set a condition on her coming home in between detox and securing a bed in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that she would not call or meet any of her street "friends", except under supervision to recover her belongings. She called a man she'd stayed with about getting her stuff, then in the car said she wanted to be dropped off for 30 minutes. I refused. She threw a fit and said if I didn't trust her enough to leave her alone for 30 minutes then she wasn't coming home. I said, "In that case, you can get out of the car right now. Your mom and I will be sad that you chose to go back on the street, but you have not earned back our trust." She raged and cried and sulked for the rest of the day but she did not get out of the car. </p><p></p><p>Later she admitted that she wanted to score a hit. "One last time, just to take the edge off," was how she justified it to herself, in classic difficult child fashion. </p><p></p><p>In other words, she tried to make us demonstrating to her that we trusted her the issue, even while she was planning to violate that very trust. I think she honestly did not even understand the paradox at the time. She regarded "trust" as an entitlement independent of any action of hers. The therapist may be trying to get your son to make the connection. Trust, once squandered, is not easily restored and it is incumbent on the one who violated it to earn it back, not be given it when not ready. Understanding that is the first step in earning it back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 50344, member: 3485"] I also tend to think that the therapist was bringing up a legitimate concern. difficult child trying to dictate "trust me or else" terms is familiar behavior to me and does not, in my experience, bode well for the future. Just my opinion, of course, but we've been there done that. In our case, I set a condition on her coming home in between detox and securing a bed in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that she would not call or meet any of her street "friends", except under supervision to recover her belongings. She called a man she'd stayed with about getting her stuff, then in the car said she wanted to be dropped off for 30 minutes. I refused. She threw a fit and said if I didn't trust her enough to leave her alone for 30 minutes then she wasn't coming home. I said, "In that case, you can get out of the car right now. Your mom and I will be sad that you chose to go back on the street, but you have not earned back our trust." She raged and cried and sulked for the rest of the day but she did not get out of the car. Later she admitted that she wanted to score a hit. "One last time, just to take the edge off," was how she justified it to herself, in classic difficult child fashion. In other words, she tried to make us demonstrating to her that we trusted her the issue, even while she was planning to violate that very trust. I think she honestly did not even understand the paradox at the time. She regarded "trust" as an entitlement independent of any action of hers. The therapist may be trying to get your son to make the connection. Trust, once squandered, is not easily restored and it is incumbent on the one who violated it to earn it back, not be given it when not ready. Understanding that is the first step in earning it back. [/QUOTE]
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First family therapy session a disaster!
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