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First Post: 23 year old Daughter Drains Our Bank and Driving Us Crazy
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 712312" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome Lavender! I'm so sorry for what you are going through but you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>I agree with [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] and [USER=1233]@susiestar[/USER], they have given you good input.</p><p>Because your daughter has had access to so much of your personal information you really should put a credit block on all three reporting agencies for both you and your husband. I have done this for myself and my husband. What this does is if anyone were to try and open a credit card account or get a loan under my or husband's name or social security number they would not be able to because as soon as they would go to check our credit, they would see a block. Now, if husband and I want to get a loan we lift the block for a short period of time (like 3 days) and we tell the people they have a small window of time to check our credit and why.</p><p>You may also want to get a real safe that weighs 150 or more pounds, something that is not easily carried off. If not a safe then perhaps a safety deposit box at your bank. I would not trust a locking file cabinet. I screwdriver and a hammer would pop that open pretty quick.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The thought of pressing charges against our own child is hard to process. Here's how I look at it; if a stranger stole from me I would not hesitate to press charges. It should be no different with our own children. My son has stolen from me numerous times and I did not hesitate to press charges. When we, the parents do not press charges we are sending a message to our out of control kids that their thieving behavior is ok. Not only will they continue to steal from us, they will move onto other victims. Pressing charges is not guarantee that they will stop stealing but it does hold them accountable.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The hatred comes from them knowing that their life is out of control but they do not want to put forth the work and effort to make amends. We the parents are the easiest target to lay blame on. There are so many parents here on this site that have afforded their kids a good safe home with stability and love and yet these kids make life choices that lead them down very dark paths. They do not want to own responsibility for their own choices and actions so they blame us or anyone else.</p><p></p><p>You have the truth on your side. You raised your daughter the very best you could. Don't buy into her hype of blaming you. Also, while her friend may have been a bad influence your daughter went along willingly.</p><p></p><p>Please take some time to read this article on detachment. It's really helpful.</p><p><a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">Article on Detachment</a></p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you found us here. Stay close and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you.................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 712312, member: 18516"] Welcome Lavender! I'm so sorry for what you are going through but you are not alone. I agree with [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] and [USER=1233]@susiestar[/USER], they have given you good input. Because your daughter has had access to so much of your personal information you really should put a credit block on all three reporting agencies for both you and your husband. I have done this for myself and my husband. What this does is if anyone were to try and open a credit card account or get a loan under my or husband's name or social security number they would not be able to because as soon as they would go to check our credit, they would see a block. Now, if husband and I want to get a loan we lift the block for a short period of time (like 3 days) and we tell the people they have a small window of time to check our credit and why. You may also want to get a real safe that weighs 150 or more pounds, something that is not easily carried off. If not a safe then perhaps a safety deposit box at your bank. I would not trust a locking file cabinet. I screwdriver and a hammer would pop that open pretty quick. The thought of pressing charges against our own child is hard to process. Here's how I look at it; if a stranger stole from me I would not hesitate to press charges. It should be no different with our own children. My son has stolen from me numerous times and I did not hesitate to press charges. When we, the parents do not press charges we are sending a message to our out of control kids that their thieving behavior is ok. Not only will they continue to steal from us, they will move onto other victims. Pressing charges is not guarantee that they will stop stealing but it does hold them accountable. The hatred comes from them knowing that their life is out of control but they do not want to put forth the work and effort to make amends. We the parents are the easiest target to lay blame on. There are so many parents here on this site that have afforded their kids a good safe home with stability and love and yet these kids make life choices that lead them down very dark paths. They do not want to own responsibility for their own choices and actions so they blame us or anyone else. You have the truth on your side. You raised your daughter the very best you could. Don't buy into her hype of blaming you. Also, while her friend may have been a bad influence your daughter went along willingly. Please take some time to read this article on detachment. It's really helpful. [URL="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/"]Article on Detachment[/URL] I'm so glad you found us here. Stay close and let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) to you................. [/QUOTE]
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