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First Post: 23 year old Daughter Drains Our Bank and Driving Us Crazy
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 713137" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>Welcome, Lavender. So sorry you have to land here. Your daughter sounds like a carbon-copy of mine, who is 26. Her deceitfulness raises itself to a new level every 6 months or so. She has stolen from us (locked filing cabinets DO NOT work with these children), damaged what she couldn't steal, defrauded people online and still uses guilt to try and get us to pay for everything from hospital visits to jail bailouts in foreign countries. Mine doesn't have to be on drugs or alcohol to do this. She has borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The alcohol and drug use just make her symptoms that much more heightened.</p><p></p><p>As others have stated, lock everything up and protect yourself, including a good home security system. Years ago our daughter stole our prior years tax returns and then accused us of not giving her "her fair share" of the tax credits. She had no idea how to read a tax return and assumed that the total income we declared was the amount of our tax refund (I wish)! She said that because we claimed her as a dependant (she was under 18 years of age), we "owed her" that tax credit amount. Then she shared our tax returns with all of her friends at the time. She has told so many grandiose lies that I can't believe a word she says now. We do regular credit checks and place important papers and valuables in a safety deposit box at the bank. </p><p></p><p>These children don't really have friends - they latch onto those who they can use for their purposes or who will tolerate/exploit their behaviours. Your daughter was raised to know the difference between right and wrong. She chooses to do what she wants to do with no consideration for the consequences.</p><p></p><p>It took us a long time to realize what our daughter's behaviours were doing to our family dynamics. Our older son never complained or interfered when his sister's meltdowns would happen. He has turned out fine but I have to wonder how good his childhood was in this toxic environment we continued to support and enable long after we should have stopped. I hope you will take the time to nurture your relationship with your husband and daughter. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter's hatred, while making you feel so sad and helpless, is her way of coping with her chaotic life. Parents usually feel the brunt of this behaviour first, as we are expected to give unconditional love to our children. At some point the "unconditional" becomes too much of a burden for us. We all love our children to pieces but we have to set healthy boundaries in order to keep ourselves functioning.</p><p></p><p>I hope you will continue to stay strong. Don't get sucked into the vortex that your daughter has created. Come visit here often and let us know how you are doing. We care.</p><p></p><p>{hugs}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 713137, member: 355"] Welcome, Lavender. So sorry you have to land here. Your daughter sounds like a carbon-copy of mine, who is 26. Her deceitfulness raises itself to a new level every 6 months or so. She has stolen from us (locked filing cabinets DO NOT work with these children), damaged what she couldn't steal, defrauded people online and still uses guilt to try and get us to pay for everything from hospital visits to jail bailouts in foreign countries. Mine doesn't have to be on drugs or alcohol to do this. She has borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The alcohol and drug use just make her symptoms that much more heightened. As others have stated, lock everything up and protect yourself, including a good home security system. Years ago our daughter stole our prior years tax returns and then accused us of not giving her "her fair share" of the tax credits. She had no idea how to read a tax return and assumed that the total income we declared was the amount of our tax refund (I wish)! She said that because we claimed her as a dependant (she was under 18 years of age), we "owed her" that tax credit amount. Then she shared our tax returns with all of her friends at the time. She has told so many grandiose lies that I can't believe a word she says now. We do regular credit checks and place important papers and valuables in a safety deposit box at the bank. These children don't really have friends - they latch onto those who they can use for their purposes or who will tolerate/exploit their behaviours. Your daughter was raised to know the difference between right and wrong. She chooses to do what she wants to do with no consideration for the consequences. It took us a long time to realize what our daughter's behaviours were doing to our family dynamics. Our older son never complained or interfered when his sister's meltdowns would happen. He has turned out fine but I have to wonder how good his childhood was in this toxic environment we continued to support and enable long after we should have stopped. I hope you will take the time to nurture your relationship with your husband and daughter. Your daughter's hatred, while making you feel so sad and helpless, is her way of coping with her chaotic life. Parents usually feel the brunt of this behaviour first, as we are expected to give unconditional love to our children. At some point the "unconditional" becomes too much of a burden for us. We all love our children to pieces but we have to set healthy boundaries in order to keep ourselves functioning. I hope you will continue to stay strong. Don't get sucked into the vortex that your daughter has created. Come visit here often and let us know how you are doing. We care. {hugs} [/QUOTE]
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