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General Parenting
First post... 8 year old violent ADHD in shared custody situation
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<blockquote data-quote="Rannveig" data-source="post: 704634" data-attributes="member: 5689"><p>Logged on to ask a question for myself but saw yours and really hoped I could say something helpful. Not sure I can, but as a divorced parent with shared custody and a bad relationship with my ex- I really feel your pain. I've also seen this phenomenon where the kid has problems at one parent's house and not the other's. A lot of people will say that your son acts up with you and not with his dad because he feels safer with you; he knows you will still love him and care for him and not reject him. Small comfort, right? But it sounds like it could be true, given how cold your ex- sounds.</p><p></p><p>Any possibility at all that M* was ever a victim of any kind of abuse or neglect? Was he ever in a care situation different from that of his brothers where something bad could have happened that traumatized him? There's just something about your description that gave me a feeling that maybe he has some sort of PTSD. With a kid so young, and in the absence of witnesses, it's very difficult if not impossible to get a straight, reliable story about something that happened to him in infancy, but I'm wishing M* could have a long-term relationship with a really good child therapist. Sometimes if there's a trusting relationship with a therapist the kid will act out the trauma they suffered, and the therapist can help them find more constructive ways to deal with their pain.</p><p></p><p>Maybe don't torture yourself trying to get a diagnosis right now (there's lots of disagreement about whether bipolar is really even a thing in children, much less how to treat it safely); just find what works to moderate the destructive behavior. Nothing wrong with trying Adderall (preferably extended release!) on weekends, as far as I know. And yeah, going back and forth between homes is totally non-ideal, and it would be better if M* didn't have to; that said, I have no idea how middle class people find the money to go to court and get these arrangements changed. With my own ex- it has been a war of attrition.</p><p></p><p>Others will be on who are far more knowledgeable than I, but mainly I wanted to express my sympathy. By all means you should not be having to deal with physical violence. There's something called a CHINS petition, I think, that may be relevant here, but I don't know how it works. I gather it's kind of a last-ditch effort, but it concerns me that you say your other sons are also suffering physical abuse.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs and best wishes; you will get through this, I'm sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rannveig, post: 704634, member: 5689"] Logged on to ask a question for myself but saw yours and really hoped I could say something helpful. Not sure I can, but as a divorced parent with shared custody and a bad relationship with my ex- I really feel your pain. I've also seen this phenomenon where the kid has problems at one parent's house and not the other's. A lot of people will say that your son acts up with you and not with his dad because he feels safer with you; he knows you will still love him and care for him and not reject him. Small comfort, right? But it sounds like it could be true, given how cold your ex- sounds. Any possibility at all that M* was ever a victim of any kind of abuse or neglect? Was he ever in a care situation different from that of his brothers where something bad could have happened that traumatized him? There's just something about your description that gave me a feeling that maybe he has some sort of PTSD. With a kid so young, and in the absence of witnesses, it's very difficult if not impossible to get a straight, reliable story about something that happened to him in infancy, but I'm wishing M* could have a long-term relationship with a really good child therapist. Sometimes if there's a trusting relationship with a therapist the kid will act out the trauma they suffered, and the therapist can help them find more constructive ways to deal with their pain. Maybe don't torture yourself trying to get a diagnosis right now (there's lots of disagreement about whether bipolar is really even a thing in children, much less how to treat it safely); just find what works to moderate the destructive behavior. Nothing wrong with trying Adderall (preferably extended release!) on weekends, as far as I know. And yeah, going back and forth between homes is totally non-ideal, and it would be better if M* didn't have to; that said, I have no idea how middle class people find the money to go to court and get these arrangements changed. With my own ex- it has been a war of attrition. Others will be on who are far more knowledgeable than I, but mainly I wanted to express my sympathy. By all means you should not be having to deal with physical violence. There's something called a CHINS petition, I think, that may be relevant here, but I don't know how it works. I gather it's kind of a last-ditch effort, but it concerns me that you say your other sons are also suffering physical abuse. Warm hugs and best wishes; you will get through this, I'm sure. [/QUOTE]
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