First thing in morning happy-middle/late afternoon angry- plus possible ex trouble

[Confused]

Ok, although my son and daughter has been fighting verbally and physically the last week or so,he was a little better with his words,hitting us (yup he started again) and had a few great mornings in a row! For about two weeks I have taken his favorite thing away for saying" I hate you" and" hitting us"-"outside time". The last two mornings before school was such a delight, we laughed and laughed, he was in a great mood! Then each day he came home with attitude! For example we were in the kitchen after school,he was in the pathway to the exit the kitchen,we said "excuse me please", he stood there, we called his name next to him in a regular tone voice and repeated ourselves.Nothing.So I was the first one to go between him and the refrigerator,said excuse me sweety- nicely,and accidentally very,very slightly,a light "bump" bumped into him. He turned around and just hit me!He says we do it on purpose and we are liers! He keeps doing that,also if we tell him not to pound,throw things at us or on anything. Last week he violently handed me a sharp scissors when I told him he couldn't use that one, he needed his "special ones made just for him" (age safe) and then he ran in the kitchen,my dad tried to get him to hand them over,same thing and waved them and my daughter! So far last week and this week good at school! I just don't know what to do.

Here's another concern, since my ex is remarried- can they get custody of him because it would be better for him and or my daughter to be with their father and umm step "mother".(two parents-stability) Will the courts do that to them/me? Their dad said less then a year before he married her, that he and I should get married ,he should be there daily and that would help our son! I'm so so scared.I also need a job still, I quit looking for a while. I am single still, no partying of any type unless my kids were there with me and no alcohol /drugs,problems ever happened. (Birthday parties only).Live at home with dad still,in school, clean home,kids generally healthy apart from colds,basics. Oh and my sons run in at the E.R on New Years Eve because he was playing with a plastic modeling stick from Crayola,wouldn't put it away like I asked and scratched his eye.(He's fine)

 

[TeDo]

I don't know what to say. Are you any closer to having him evaluated by a neuropsychologist or child psychiatrist? This level of aggression is not normal. Have you read the book The Explosive Child? Have you tried Plan B with him to see if you can figure out what MIGHT be going on?

As far as custody, I think it is possible they could give him custody if he presented enough evidence that you aren't "doing enough" to help the situation.

 

[buddy]

I'd want to think you ex knows that parenting is more than the type of house or if there are two parents on site. For the kids sake. If he is a good dad then you should both have contact with the kids in my opinion but where they live, I'd like to think those decisions are made fairly but I know they are often not.

It makes sense that your son comes back out of any energy to be able to hold it together. Until you do your evaluation etc. you wont know exactly what is making that so but it makes total sense. LOL I DO KNOW That does not help! Sorry, as my son came home yesterday totally upset with ME for what happened at school and everything I did was wrong even putting his new scooter together which he had asked me to do in the morning. He focused on taking it apart and I was supposed to wait for him (Not a misunderstanding either... he wanted it all ready to go so he could go right away with his Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker) he was just mad and so every little thing is wrong in those times.

I too am sick of being pushed and hit. It was better for a couple of days and then yesterday he saw me at school and came up to me in the library and started pounding on me (Of course I didn't know at the time all the other 8th graders got to go see their future high schools and they had kept him back). There are just a million things that it could all really be about. Since it seems you have lowered the stress in the morning and it has affected him so positively, likely he needs that at school too.

Sorry it is so rough. I have had well over a decade of this and it is not fun much of the time, that is for sure.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Classical pattern... holds it together at school, but that takes everything he has, so when he gets home, you end up with "wild animal"... and of course, school doesn't see ANYTHING they could possibly be doing that is part of the problem, because he's doing "ok" in school right now...

That comprehensive evaluation is critical. You can't figure out the right course of action, until you know what you are dealing with.

 

[Confused]

TeDo,
No closer for an evaluation.No matter what I say at the Dr's, they want to wait and see if he starts having outburst at school.Right now he doesn't finish his work at least half of the time and talks. Yes, I have the book, read it, trying it.
Custody,ya, he will blame me of course.Thing is,my ex said doing enough is whipping his butt with a belt and letting him play alone outside and have others watch him!My son would go across town by himself just because. He cant be trusted like that! I am constantly talking with his school,speech therapist,Dr and my family/friends on what we can do.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Confused... you need a new doctor.

I'm serious.
If you can't get that far, and the doctor won't support a comprehensive evaluation, then at least get this one, even if you have to find a way to pay for it yourself: Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation - motor skills and sensory issues. He's too young for a full Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation yet - need to be 7 or 8.

If the Occupational Therapist (OT) finds stuff, then you have more evidence to push back at the doctor... and at school.

You have to start somewhere...

 

[Confused]

My ex thinks hes the best dad in the world! He has an arrest record of Drinking and driving,two different women domestic violence,wont bring up the stuff I went through with him but no arrest and no beating though. All his talk is about sex and getting drunk. He sees the kids to his convenience and when they are in his care (well if im there-I have to nag him to handle the kids,stay awake) His friends are nasty 'ol men and women,many violent drunks and some druggies.But he gives false names to where I look like a lier and just jealous! He is very sly and for most everything he has done,has not been caught.
Yes, your example of your son is like mine! Asks me to do something and then gets mad when I do if he is in a mood and takes it apart! He says, as well as the teacher ,that he does not get angry at school, he is happy unless he gets in trouble or is sick! They think he is a good kid and give him positive attention. The maintenance guy and my son say hello,high fives, (except when he is in a bad mood)so its weird.Even if something gets him mad, he just doesn't do it at school.He has gotten mad at us at his Dr's several times,and has acted out against us or his sister but they look and say nothing! Uggh!!! Oh this morning he was grumpy,go figure!!

 

[Confused]

InsaneCdn,
I will talk to his Speech T.again, as well as his Dr. The places I have called here as well as one of my neighbors said he is too young for most evaluations, and the Dr would have to give a referral. So, I will look again for a new one at least for a consult or something.When someone new tests him, he is 99% on his best behavior. It would take a lot of sessions for him to blow at them I think!Thanks, Im going to look all this up after I get my daughters project packed up.

 

[buddy]

There are MANY tests and there are grouped by age levels on some, yes.....but there are alternatives that are for younger ages. Standardized tests and non standard checklists etc... come in age ranges from Birth to Death! I for one am not so concerned that they see a melt down. What they are looking for is those underlying issues, sensory things, language things, general mood, processing things, motor things, cognitive issues, that will help to see why he ever gets to that point.

NO WAY he is too young for a neuropsychologist evaluation. Q had his first at age 4. Had many smaller evaluations, inc Occupational Therapist (OT), speech lang, psychiatric... from age 1.5 on.....

 

[InsaneCdn]

The only one that is really restricted as far as I'm aware, is Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) for the subtle APDs - if there are obvious language issues, it is not too soon for Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) either, but they can't catch things like auditory figure ground until 7 or 8.

Occupational Therapist (OT) - NEVER too soon. EVER. well, maybe not newborn, but you know what I mean.

They don't generally "screen" for ADHD until they've had a year in school - because they want teacher feedback.

But... ALL the other stuff? comprehensive evaluation is often done before school-age.

We found it easiest to get in to Occupational Therapist (OT). The Occupational Therapist (OT) definitely isn't looking at behavior... so to be on best behavior is fine. Occupational Therapist (OT) is testing motor and sensory stuff... very intense, very detailed. It was our "proof" that there were problems - helped force getting more evaluations...

 

[buddy]

Q got the adhd thing at age 4.... in severe cases they do, the neuropsychologist can still look at it. (lol it did help, as I said, that he grabbed their expensive test books and jumped on a conference table, ran across and threw them all in the trash can at the end of the table! , I remember it like yesterday)

 

[InsaneCdn]

We got booked for ADHD evaluation 2 weeks into Kindergarten - took 6 months to get the formal process done, but... they and we knew that this was the issue... (this was K2... totally classical ADD - inattentive type... ) She was barely 5 when we started. So yes, it can be done. But you DO get major push-back even for asking before the end of grade 1... (at least, you get that pushback HERE)

 

[Ktllc]

Confused, you need to find a different doctor. V just had a comprehensive evaluation and he is only 4!! He also had Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation.
Like other said, his behavior on the day of the evaluation is not that important. In some cases, it is better to be on your best behavior so the tests can be completed. There are also LOTS of questionaire for the parent(s) to fill out and that weighs ALOT in the balance. Unless the parent is obviously drunk, the doctor will/should listen to their version of the story.
What kind of doctor is saying no to a referral? If it's a pediatricain, I assume you could switch to a different one in your home town? Be honest and explain why you are switching. When I called our pediatrician. for areferral she first wanted to talk with me. Which we did for about 1 hour. And she NEVER doubted me. She then refferred us to a devel. pediatrician. who then referred us to the complete evaluation.
Don't let anyone bully you (doctor or teachers). You ask for help and you deserve it.

 

[Confused]

Thanks everyone. I am going to try Plan "B" from the book again for a month, if things don't get better I will make another appointment with his pediatrician or find a new one. So, my kids just got their report cards today and thought I would share just to see what you all think.It will be very long as you can see from viewing it! My daughter,( have to brag about her too ) has A's.B's and one C-Math being the C !Takes after me I guess with the math.Mine is worse though.Ok, here is my sons, which is actually better then last time!(Me bragging )

E=EXCELLENT G=GOOD S=SATISFACTORY N=NEEDS IMPROVEMENT
1st 2nd are the grading period first column and then suppose to be under 2nd the second with the letters

Has positive feelings about self G E
Takes care of classroom materials G E
Verbal Expression G G
Contributed to group discussions G E
Asks and answer questions G E
Neat work habits N S
Completes work begun N S
Takes Responsibility for self G G

OBEY SCHOOL RULES
Listens and follow directions S S
Is quit-not interrupt N G
Stays in seat/raises hand G G
Completion of own work N S
Keeps hands,feet,objects to self G E

MOTOR SKILLS
Gross motot skills E E
Fine Motor skills,cutting,printing,color S S

Creativity
Shows enthusiasm for music G E
Imaginative in art G E

READING READINESS-Shapes,sound of current letters- mastered-
Comprehends whats read silent/orally- mastered-
Listening mastered
Applies word attack skills mastered

MATH-too many skills to list but can't get before and after,addition, or recognize 11-31-the other skill -around 35 more she marked half as knowing

Sorry so long!!!!! Ok lastly the comments were "he is a bright student" and next grading period "continues to work hard". Thanks!

 

[buddy]

When I worked birth to three.... we certainly did have newborns! When born with known genetic conditions that we could predict would have issues... as soon as parents were ready then we were there for them! Occupational Therapist (OT) and I shared feeding problems. Most of the motor issues at that age were PT though. I worked on the baby interaction stuff, being animated, imitation stuff, eye contact, etc. such a fun job.

The only one that is really restricted as far as I'm aware, is Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) for the subtle APDs - if there are obvious language issues, it is not too soon for Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) either, but they can't catch things like auditory figure ground until 7 or 8.

Occupational Therapist (OT) - NEVER too soon. EVER. well, maybe not newborn, but you know what I mean.

They don't generally "screen" for ADHD until they've had a year in school - because they want teacher feedback.

But... ALL the other stuff? comprehensive evaluation is often done before school-age.

We found it easiest to get in to Occupational Therapist (OT). The Occupational Therapist (OT) definitely isn't looking at behavior... so to be on best behavior is fine. Occupational Therapist (OT) is testing motor and sensory stuff... very intense, very detailed. It was our "proof" that there were problems - helped force getting more evaluations...

 

[Confused]

buddy,
Thanks.What a great job that must of been! So, do you think by his grades he is close to target, or normal? Im just getting so confused!! lol!!! just like my name haha

 

[InsaneCdn]

I've never been able to "interpret" an early-elementary report card. Because... they don't actually TELL you anything. Once they get to letter-grades or percentages, there's some basis for comparison (strong emphasis on some)

The more important thing is the trend... which is toward improving.

 

[buddy]

ugg the computer ate my reply!

IC is right, the trend is wonderful. I would be so proud.

It is hard to know developmentally on target from that, but he would likely have some indication that he was behind in the comments....like for his level, he is doing well etc. but it sounds like they feel he is on target.

In elem in our district, they at first sent me report cards and the policy is to compare to peers/typical developmental guidelines. So he would get all the lowest marks...not making progress etc. But his IEP periodic reviews said he did...I asked for a year and then one sp ed coordinator said we just have to put it in the IEP that he will be graded based on is IEP goals. That can't show up on hsi report card, but they can KNOW it and grade him that way. So dumb.

 

[Confused]

Thanks all for your input!!!