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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 660938" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Maxma, welcome. You have gotten great thoughts here already. I know you will read and reread them.</p><p></p><p>Start making a list of the "tools" you can use every single day to change your life. </p><p></p><p>I am so glad you are going to a therapist. That can be so helpful.</p><p></p><p>Another great book is Codependent No More. </p><p></p><p>I was very confused about mental illness and what that meant in terms of what I should do, and was responsible to do, both for my husband (now ex---alcoholic too, we were married for 29 years) and my son, who struggled with drug addiction and depression and anxiety. </p><p></p><p>I thought a mental illness meant that major, major allowances had to be made for people; after all, they were mentally ill.</p><p></p><p>I will never forget the day my therapist told me this: He is still responsible for his actions.</p><p></p><p>It was like a thunderbolt. I couldn't even grasp onto that thought at first. I thought a person who was "not all there" couldn't make good decisions for himself. So...that meant I had to make tremendous allowances.</p><p></p><p>Both my ex-husband and my son were running all over me. I just kept on enabling and enabling, until I started learning how NOT to enable.</p><p></p><p>Now, I am divorced from my ex-husband, who has stopped drinking. And my son has had one year of progress after more than 6 years of H_ll. Pure H_ll. </p><p></p><p>One of the major factors in these changes is that I stopped enabling. That was a long road, and a hard road for me, but it was the right road.</p><p></p><p>May you find that road, too, and start your journey on it.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 660938, member: 17542"] Maxma, welcome. You have gotten great thoughts here already. I know you will read and reread them. Start making a list of the "tools" you can use every single day to change your life. I am so glad you are going to a therapist. That can be so helpful. Another great book is Codependent No More. I was very confused about mental illness and what that meant in terms of what I should do, and was responsible to do, both for my husband (now ex---alcoholic too, we were married for 29 years) and my son, who struggled with drug addiction and depression and anxiety. I thought a mental illness meant that major, major allowances had to be made for people; after all, they were mentally ill. I will never forget the day my therapist told me this: He is still responsible for his actions. It was like a thunderbolt. I couldn't even grasp onto that thought at first. I thought a person who was "not all there" couldn't make good decisions for himself. So...that meant I had to make tremendous allowances. Both my ex-husband and my son were running all over me. I just kept on enabling and enabling, until I started learning how NOT to enable. Now, I am divorced from my ex-husband, who has stopped drinking. And my son has had one year of progress after more than 6 years of H_ll. Pure H_ll. One of the major factors in these changes is that I stopped enabling. That was a long road, and a hard road for me, but it was the right road. May you find that road, too, and start your journey on it. We are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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