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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677254" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>As an ex-foster parent, I am leery of social services. They made many obviously bad decisions that I know of, the worse being giving a baby who spent a year in a cast due to his birthmother throwing him into a wall back to her when he was already in a loving, stable foster family. She was allegedly "rehabilitated." Three months later, she decided she didn't want him and gave him back and did they give the loving fosters the baby back? The ones who had cared for him since babyhood and all through his body cast days and who wanted to adopt him? Nope. They gave him to strangers By then he was a mess and difficult and he lasted maybe six months with the new foster parents. They finally gave him back to his loving foster parents and they adopted him, but he was a mess by then; not the loving little boy they had cared for. I know of other horror stories.</p><p></p><p>I feel it is up to the grandparents to give true information to social services about the state of their son and his parenting skills because social services favor the biological parents over the grandparents and this young man does not seem capable of knowing how to love a child. To me, aside for the well being of the little boy who has autism to boot, the adults can take a second seat. This type of situation always causes family strife and I still feel the child, who is so young, has to be the one who is cared about the most. Grandpa, auntie, kissing cousin, etc. are not the caregiver and, as adults, will survive. The child needs a lot of help. Autism is a special need and won't thrive under the care of a selfish, immature parent who doesn't even want to give his own child a Christmas present. I consider this latter issue the way he feels about his child. When it comes to a child, I prefer favoring being too careful than worrying about the masses. I cared for foster kids who came from crazy parents...many could not be fixed. All saw things no child should see.</p><p></p><p>I would stop the conference calls. Everyone doesn't have to know everything and that sounds stressful. That could easily go south fast and...I don't know. You certainly can do them, but if it were me, I'd tell my family that they were no more. Even if they got mad. We have to take care of ourselves, which includes not subjecting ourselves to Grandma's opinion. She's not the one doing the hard work and she'll get over it. Or she won't. She is all growed up.</p><p></p><p>So my own private opinion is the son either gets serious help for his problems and behaves like a man and father or he forfeits his right to parent a very vulnerable, young, "different" child. He obviously was not paying attention when the kid smeared his feces on the walls. In your gut, do you feel he ignored it or the ABA therapists? Is your son a truthful man? The ABA therapist...well, in my opinion it was probably not them. This is a job they can be fired from.</p><p></p><p>This autistic child will require more care for longer than other kids and may not be able to be an independent adult. There are levels of autism. Smearing feces on the wall is serious...my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son never ever did this. But some do. Nobody knows the potential of this young boy, but he deserves the best. Chaos is an enemy to an autistic child. Yelling, loud noise, spanking (any hard touching), lack of routine...these are all enemies of all children, but especially Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids.</p><p></p><p>I think it is best to save t he c hild and not worry about the adults. They are big and can take care of themselves. If my son had grown up in chaos, he would not be as high functioning, sweet, and functional as he now is.</p><p></p><p>My own personal feeling is that a minor child always comes before grown ups. I'm not talking about a twenty year old who is putting holes in the wall and shooting up in our homes. I'm talking about a young child who has needs beyond other kids and in my opinion takes precedence over the adults. I think counseling may help.</p><p></p><p>Many of us know well how awful it is to be a child in a home where an inadequate biological parent put themselves above us. It doesn't usually work out well.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely turn in any of my grown children if they were neglectful or abusive to their own little children. I wouldn't think twice about it. The grown child doesn't have to act in a way that CPS *should* be notified. The grown child has a choice in his behavior. I wouldn't allow the younger child to be left alone with a substandard parent, even my own grown child, even if that child would hate me forever. If we don't take care of the young children, who will? Even if young child is afraid of his father, he will probably be afraid to say so. We worship our parents at that age, even if they abuse us.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, JMO. I know my advice is not for everyone. It is only my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677254, member: 1550"] As an ex-foster parent, I am leery of social services. They made many obviously bad decisions that I know of, the worse being giving a baby who spent a year in a cast due to his birthmother throwing him into a wall back to her when he was already in a loving, stable foster family. She was allegedly "rehabilitated." Three months later, she decided she didn't want him and gave him back and did they give the loving fosters the baby back? The ones who had cared for him since babyhood and all through his body cast days and who wanted to adopt him? Nope. They gave him to strangers By then he was a mess and difficult and he lasted maybe six months with the new foster parents. They finally gave him back to his loving foster parents and they adopted him, but he was a mess by then; not the loving little boy they had cared for. I know of other horror stories. I feel it is up to the grandparents to give true information to social services about the state of their son and his parenting skills because social services favor the biological parents over the grandparents and this young man does not seem capable of knowing how to love a child. To me, aside for the well being of the little boy who has autism to boot, the adults can take a second seat. This type of situation always causes family strife and I still feel the child, who is so young, has to be the one who is cared about the most. Grandpa, auntie, kissing cousin, etc. are not the caregiver and, as adults, will survive. The child needs a lot of help. Autism is a special need and won't thrive under the care of a selfish, immature parent who doesn't even want to give his own child a Christmas present. I consider this latter issue the way he feels about his child. When it comes to a child, I prefer favoring being too careful than worrying about the masses. I cared for foster kids who came from crazy parents...many could not be fixed. All saw things no child should see. I would stop the conference calls. Everyone doesn't have to know everything and that sounds stressful. That could easily go south fast and...I don't know. You certainly can do them, but if it were me, I'd tell my family that they were no more. Even if they got mad. We have to take care of ourselves, which includes not subjecting ourselves to Grandma's opinion. She's not the one doing the hard work and she'll get over it. Or she won't. She is all growed up. So my own private opinion is the son either gets serious help for his problems and behaves like a man and father or he forfeits his right to parent a very vulnerable, young, "different" child. He obviously was not paying attention when the kid smeared his feces on the walls. In your gut, do you feel he ignored it or the ABA therapists? Is your son a truthful man? The ABA therapist...well, in my opinion it was probably not them. This is a job they can be fired from. This autistic child will require more care for longer than other kids and may not be able to be an independent adult. There are levels of autism. Smearing feces on the wall is serious...my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son never ever did this. But some do. Nobody knows the potential of this young boy, but he deserves the best. Chaos is an enemy to an autistic child. Yelling, loud noise, spanking (any hard touching), lack of routine...these are all enemies of all children, but especially Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids. I think it is best to save t he c hild and not worry about the adults. They are big and can take care of themselves. If my son had grown up in chaos, he would not be as high functioning, sweet, and functional as he now is. My own personal feeling is that a minor child always comes before grown ups. I'm not talking about a twenty year old who is putting holes in the wall and shooting up in our homes. I'm talking about a young child who has needs beyond other kids and in my opinion takes precedence over the adults. I think counseling may help. Many of us know well how awful it is to be a child in a home where an inadequate biological parent put themselves above us. It doesn't usually work out well. I would definitely turn in any of my grown children if they were neglectful or abusive to their own little children. I wouldn't think twice about it. The grown child doesn't have to act in a way that CPS *should* be notified. The grown child has a choice in his behavior. I wouldn't allow the younger child to be left alone with a substandard parent, even my own grown child, even if that child would hate me forever. If we don't take care of the young children, who will? Even if young child is afraid of his father, he will probably be afraid to say so. We worship our parents at that age, even if they abuse us. Anyhow, JMO. I know my advice is not for everyone. It is only my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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