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first visit to ranch
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 43260" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Tracy, he's 16! Of course he can manage without seeing you every weekend! It's good that he says he wants to see you, but as you said - the manipulative kid emerges when he wants something (or says he wants something).</p><p></p><p>I do wonder if he was getting upset more because you were holding back something (yourself and your next visit) and he wants. Doesn't matter what he wants, he just wants. And when he wants, he will nag and whine until you give in. If you don't give in, he makes you miserable. It's a habit he's got into. Chances are, five minutes after you were gone he was off somewhere happy and doing OK. I reckon that if you give him advance notice that you won't be there next weekend, he will not be sitting around waiting for you in case you changed your mind - he will be off doing things. But he would want you to THINK he spent the entire day moping because you weren't there.</p><p></p><p>Can you write to him? Often under these circumstances, a letter does more to lift their spirits than you would think. Keep your letters happy, newsy and open. Don't buy into any claimed misery or loneliness, at least not openly. Ask him to write and tell you about his days - like a diary, of sorts. Describe his achievements, even the tiny ones. You can prompt this by writing your letters as a sort of diary too. Keep it short so he doesn't think he has to write large letters, but it's a way of staying in touch with the good things about home and family, without revisiting the unpleasantness.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, and look after yourself.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 43260, member: 1991"] Tracy, he's 16! Of course he can manage without seeing you every weekend! It's good that he says he wants to see you, but as you said - the manipulative kid emerges when he wants something (or says he wants something). I do wonder if he was getting upset more because you were holding back something (yourself and your next visit) and he wants. Doesn't matter what he wants, he just wants. And when he wants, he will nag and whine until you give in. If you don't give in, he makes you miserable. It's a habit he's got into. Chances are, five minutes after you were gone he was off somewhere happy and doing OK. I reckon that if you give him advance notice that you won't be there next weekend, he will not be sitting around waiting for you in case you changed your mind - he will be off doing things. But he would want you to THINK he spent the entire day moping because you weren't there. Can you write to him? Often under these circumstances, a letter does more to lift their spirits than you would think. Keep your letters happy, newsy and open. Don't buy into any claimed misery or loneliness, at least not openly. Ask him to write and tell you about his days - like a diary, of sorts. Describe his achievements, even the tiny ones. You can prompt this by writing your letters as a sort of diary too. Keep it short so he doesn't think he has to write large letters, but it's a way of staying in touch with the good things about home and family, without revisiting the unpleasantness. Good luck, and look after yourself. Marg [/QUOTE]
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