Fisrt visit at psychiatric hospital yesterday

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Oct 17, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Haven't posted much about difficult child J... been reading here lots though. You guys have really helped me deal with putting him in the psychiatric hospital.

    He was allowed to call me Wednesday evening, and it was terrible. He begged and begged me to come get him, and bring him home, then he asked me why I hadn't come to see him. When I tried to explain to him that they had rules about when I'm allowed to go in, he cried and told me I didn't go because I didn't want to see him :sad-very:

    We can go visit Tues, Thurs, Sat and Sun. My mom and I went last night, and the visit itself was good. He sat on my lap, played a little bit, we put a puzzle together and played with some toys. He colored me a picture to bring home. Right after we got there, he started asking about coming home. I tried to redirect the conversation away from it, and not give him a definite answer, as I didn't want him crying the entire time I was there. He asked periodically through the visit, but never really got upset. He also told me (I already knew) that we had a meeting today (family therapy) and asked if I was coming and if my SO was coming. I told him we would be there. When it was time to leave... OMG... the stuff hit the fan. He was on my lap, and O couldn't get up because of my wrist. My mom started to reach for him, and I could see in his face, he was about to erupt so I told her to go tell the nurse quietly we needed help. I did manage to get up, but they had to pry him off of me. I had asked him 3 times for a hug and kiss, and of course, when I was walking away, with the nurse holding him, he started screaming that he wanted to hug me. So I left the psychiatric hospital with the sounds of him screaming behind me... I managed to not break down this time, I expected it to go badly when I left

    My mom (who has issues of her own) I have never been able to count on, was actually very helpful, seems to support my decision 100% (which shocks me, since she told me that difficult child D's behavior problems were my fault, and I ended up letting him go live with her 2 years ago).

    We have our first family therapy meeting today at 10:30. SO M is going with me. I called bio-dad's SO and asked her to have him call, they need to be there, but no return call as of yet. I left messages on his cell and their phone phone last night around 9:30 PM... they were probably at the bar :mad: I'm not going to be surprised if he decided to file for custody of difficult child. He won't win, he doesn't have a leg to stand on with both of them being alcoholic, and both of them have DUI's, and bio-dad got yanked out of work once for a mandatory rehab as he was drinking on the job... not to mention his work schedule.. Besides, I am not an unfit mother, so I'm not worried about it.

    Sigh. I'll post later today to let you know how the meeting went.

    One minute at a time :)

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Jan, that must have been heartbreaking to have him scream for a hug while you walked out. It would tear my heart out. At least my difficult child didn't do that. He did give us the big, sad eyes, but he knew he was in there for a wk.
    I'm glad your mother was on board.
    So sorry about your ex being a pill. Even though you know you'll be fine in court, it's still not something to look forward to. I know you can't wait for it all to be behind you.

    Best of luck with-your therapy mtng today. Let us know how it goes.
  3. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Jan-Keep your chin up as you know you are doing the right thing! Remind yourself its just like when you drop kiddos off at daycare-you give them one hug and one kiss and say goodbye and you will be back on ___. Don't look back as you know the nurse will take good care of him. Best wishes for a good meeting today. Let us know.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I remember Youngest doing this her first psychiatric hospital visit (she was 11). It's heartbreaking. Sounds like you handled everything wonderfully, though.

    I hope tomorrow goes well. If your ex is as bad as all that, it may be just as well if he doesn't attend therapy. Could end up being more stressful for your difficult child. My kids' dad was an alcoholic and did the filing-custody-just-to-tick-me-off thing, twice, so I feel for you there.

    Hang in there!
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are doing a GREAT job. Stay Strong!

    I wanted to mention one thing that may help when he does come home. My difficult child stated he was homesick for the psychiatric hospital when he came home. The psychiatric hospital has such a strict structure that returning to home life was weird for him after two weeks. We decided to implement the bedtime routine to be exactly like the psychiatric hospital schedule. I think it was shower, down time with snack, brush teeth, lights out. You may want to ask the staff for their exact schedule. It will make night time at home easier.

    As for a discharge date, try talking in terms of "we are trying to find ways to make your life easier. Once you have learned the tools the staff is teaching you to stay in control and not get so upset and once the doctors figure out if you need medication and what they may be, then you can come home." I had it a little easier since my difficult child was 11 yrs old and had asked for the hospitalization.

    If he knows there are goals to be met that know one knows the exact date maybe he can start working on those. However, he is so young to understand that kind of stuff. Ask the staff what terms they are using to get him to comply with psychiatric hospital rules.

    Keep up the good work and keep us updated.