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General Parenting
Five years into an adoption and the issues keep getting more complicated for my 9 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760349" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am torn what to tell you. I think if you put him in a boarding school he would experience it as an abandonment. I fear this. But at the same time I can see how you're backed in a corner. I think taking him from country to country a few months at a time may have destabilized him. </p><p></p><p>I think what this child may need is an intensive residential treatment setting for severely traumatized children. Long-term. Where he can heal. With no more moving around and repeated needs to develop new relationships and routines and then losing them. He may require this setting until he becomes an adult. </p><p></p><p>I fear for him if he is moved around more from here to there. He needs intensive treatment, security, safety, and continuity. He sounds like he just can't bear one more thing.</p><p></p><p>Furthermore I would find a new home for the cat or other animals. He can't be allowed to keep hurting people and animals.</p><p></p><p>For the time being if it was me I would find the very best child psychoanalyst you can find, if you are near a metropolitan area. </p><p></p><p>This is what I did for my son and I. Now 21 years later he died last week. He was such a great support for many years. </p><p></p><p>A child psychoanalyst is a child psychiatrist who has many years more training to deal with children who have suffered as have our children. But then on the other hand if your son would have to lose this relationship this would be worrisome too. But you could first go speak to this doctor and explain the situation and get help and counsel. </p><p></p><p>I am writing on a cell phone so can't go on at length. I will try to check back soon. I adopted a child who was 22 months. He had suffered greatly too. He is 32 now. I came here when he was 26. We are still dealing with the repercussions of his infancy. We will probably always be. I am sorry this is so hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760349, member: 18958"] I am torn what to tell you. I think if you put him in a boarding school he would experience it as an abandonment. I fear this. But at the same time I can see how you're backed in a corner. I think taking him from country to country a few months at a time may have destabilized him. I think what this child may need is an intensive residential treatment setting for severely traumatized children. Long-term. Where he can heal. With no more moving around and repeated needs to develop new relationships and routines and then losing them. He may require this setting until he becomes an adult. I fear for him if he is moved around more from here to there. He needs intensive treatment, security, safety, and continuity. He sounds like he just can't bear one more thing. Furthermore I would find a new home for the cat or other animals. He can't be allowed to keep hurting people and animals. For the time being if it was me I would find the very best child psychoanalyst you can find, if you are near a metropolitan area. This is what I did for my son and I. Now 21 years later he died last week. He was such a great support for many years. A child psychoanalyst is a child psychiatrist who has many years more training to deal with children who have suffered as have our children. But then on the other hand if your son would have to lose this relationship this would be worrisome too. But you could first go speak to this doctor and explain the situation and get help and counsel. I am writing on a cell phone so can't go on at length. I will try to check back soon. I adopted a child who was 22 months. He had suffered greatly too. He is 32 now. I came here when he was 26. We are still dealing with the repercussions of his infancy. We will probably always be. I am sorry this is so hard. [/QUOTE]
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Five years into an adoption and the issues keep getting more complicated for my 9 year old son
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