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florida update
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 685779" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi ST,</p><p></p><p></p><p>There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. When your daughter talks to you there is always drama and chaos attached. You have tried to help her and she has rejected it. You have offered her sound advice of how to get her life back on track and she has rejected it. There is nothing more you can do for her.</p><p>I feel the same way about my son. When all he does is complain and never takes advice of how he can straighten his life out, I don't want to talk to him. This doesn't mean I don't love him just like it doesn't mean you don't love your daughter. How they interpret that is on them, not on us. You, I and many others here have tried over and over again to help our adult children because we love them but at some point we have to recognize that "helping" isn't helping.</p><p>I like the quote by Albert Einstein, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"</p><p>This is the cycle we can get stuck in with our adult children. We hope they will change and they hope we will solve all their problems. We come to understand we can't change them so WE have to change. This is where you are ST, you know you have to change.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Our d_c's can be so good at drawing us into a circular verbal assault. They can start with the complaining then when we don't "fix" things for them, they turn on us and start blaming us.</p><p>My suggestion is this, keep your responses short. As you have said, you know what she will say but this is where YOU can change the dynamics. Let her rant and when there is a pause and she is waiting for your response, you can say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope things work out for you. I've gotta go, I love you, goodbye"</p><p>The biggest thing is to not defend yourself, your love for her, or your actions with your other daughter. You have demonstrated your love over and over again, you do not have to defend it. If you try and defend yourself you will only get drawn back into the circular verbal assault.</p><p></p><p>The KISS method: Keep It Short / Simple</p><p></p><p>You can do this ST.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 685779, member: 18516"] Hi ST, There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. When your daughter talks to you there is always drama and chaos attached. You have tried to help her and she has rejected it. You have offered her sound advice of how to get her life back on track and she has rejected it. There is nothing more you can do for her. I feel the same way about my son. When all he does is complain and never takes advice of how he can straighten his life out, I don't want to talk to him. This doesn't mean I don't love him just like it doesn't mean you don't love your daughter. How they interpret that is on them, not on us. You, I and many others here have tried over and over again to help our adult children because we love them but at some point we have to recognize that "helping" isn't helping. I like the quote by Albert Einstein, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result" This is the cycle we can get stuck in with our adult children. We hope they will change and they hope we will solve all their problems. We come to understand we can't change them so WE have to change. This is where you are ST, you know you have to change. Our d_c's can be so good at drawing us into a circular verbal assault. They can start with the complaining then when we don't "fix" things for them, they turn on us and start blaming us. My suggestion is this, keep your responses short. As you have said, you know what she will say but this is where YOU can change the dynamics. Let her rant and when there is a pause and she is waiting for your response, you can say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope things work out for you. I've gotta go, I love you, goodbye" The biggest thing is to not defend yourself, your love for her, or your actions with your other daughter. You have demonstrated your love over and over again, you do not have to defend it. If you try and defend yourself you will only get drawn back into the circular verbal assault. The KISS method: Keep It Short / Simple You can do this ST. :staystrong::notalone: [/QUOTE]
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