Flushed it

[strangeworld]

I decided to open the door to my 19 uo daughter's room to put a couple things of hers away. She lives in filth. Last Christmas I couldn't take it any more and I cleaned her entire room...put clothes in bins out in garage. She brought them back in over time. Well it's that time of year again and I just wanted to see how bad her room was. It was as bad as I had expected. I texted her and told her I am appalled and she has no respect for herself or us. She said "I was planning on cleaning it before Christmas". I told her I would start on it for her. She said okay. She is only home a couple days at a time and prefers to live on the streets, in the park, or on couches. I really don't know. I know she should be the one to clean this room so I enabled again. Life goes on. I found two baggies of weed one inside a pillowcase and one under the other pillow.. Pretty small amounts but what do I know. Maybe a couple tablespoons worth in both. I flushed it all. We have told her no pot in our house. Then why do I feel guilty for flushing it? That's how distorted my heart and brain feel at times because of the awfulness of the last few years. She is not making any attempts to better herself or her life. If she was working, paying rent somewhere, attempting to grow up, even tiny bany steps at this point, I would not have the right to flush her stash. If it actually did help with depression and anxiety I would be ok with it but until they can come up with one that doesn't also get you stoned I don't believe this absolute garbage that it helps. For all I know it could have been what started it back at 14-15 but I don't think she was smoking back then. Maybe. But as it is right now I told her I will go in her room whenever I want because I pay the bills. I didn't say anything about finding her pot but she's in for a rude awakening at Christmas.

 

[BusynMember]

In your house, it's your rules and you have the right to flush her stash, if she is working or not. I did and even went in my daughter's purse and flushed her cigarettes when she dared to bring them in my house. No illegal drugs or smoking in our house. That applied to her too. Daughter had broken the law so I told her she had lost her right to privacy. At nineteen we caught her having a drug party so we made her leave.

My daughter quit using drugs AND cigarettes. It takes grit and guts on our part and it is heartwrenching and not for the frail or for parents who get pushed around. For their sake and ours we need to stand strong and not let our own kids bully us.

Al Anon and therapy got me through it. And gave good advice and coping skills.

As long as your daughter lives in your house it is your house/your rules.

Love and hugs!

 

[Littleboylost]

SW
I have lived where you are at beleive it or not we once paid my son for the cost of his weed we threw away!!!! I still shake my head on that one.

Your house your rules. Set firm boundaries and do not back down.

You are not alone.

Get some support for yourself. She is 19 not 15. This is not the actions of a responsible reapect adult.

It’s nit easy to get outback if the FOG (Fear Obligation and Guilt), and detach but nothing will change until something changes.

 

[strangeworld]

Thanks for your replies...always good advice coming from both of you. Sad to say I could see myself paying my daughter for weed that we flushed if in a weak moment she had the nerve to ask me. Not my husband though. How many times we give in to our young manipulators ... it's embarrassing but no one knows what it's like unless they witness the wrath these people can unleash. I will say I've caved on certain things just to end the nightmare many times. I'm getting better. And when you are isolated with these masters of emotional blackmail, sometimes logic and good sense can become convoluted. It's the fight or flight.....I guess once the fight goes out of us or doesn't work then we tend to run away or bury our heads and give in.

When I first learned what the acronym FOG meant (on this site) I finally understood what was going on. It truly is not easy getting out of it. But it's the only way anyone can move forward. This journey is two steps forward one step back...always. For a while I feel good or strong and then I feel like maybe I am my daughter's only lifeline. There are other lifelines she can utilize if she needs to. She knows the shelters but probably doesn't want to try because she wants to smoke weed. The time is going to come but I am not ready.

I honestly would like to thank our pot culture for taking my daughter from me. Brought up in northern CA where it's basically thought of as nothing more than an herb... it's medicine for anything and everything...only problem is it keeps you from growing up. Keeps you from finding your inner inspiration and motivation. Weed becomes your only reason to get up in the morning...IT becomes the inspiration...such great "medicine". And it perpetuates the loop of anxiety. Helps in the moment possibly but who wouldn't develop anxiety not knowing where they will be sleeping night after night. All these young pro-pot folks...just wait til their own teenagers some day become addicted strangers down the road. No one with a depressed, pot smoking teenager can possibly be pro weed. Anyway I don't feel bad for flushing it anymore. She knew our rules snd still disrespected us not the other way around.

 

[Sam3]

Yes. I wish I could say that insane thought hadn’t crossed my mind, at some point.

I flushed ten Xanax my son said he had intended to flip. I started to worry if I would be the “but for” cause of him turning to property crime to make up the funds. As if there was no such thing as jobs.

Embarrassing.

And I completely agree about the scourge of MJ. All the adults medicating away their insomnia and sciatica forgot about the 14-25 year olds, when they pushed for legalization.

 

[RN0441]

Welcome Strange:

Agree about the weed. I smoked it when I was young but it never took over my entire life. I smoked a LOT of it. It lead down a destructive path for our son. We are still fighting his addiction.

I'd get real tough with her real quick. I suggest finding a therapist that specializes in addiction because she is acting like an addict and may be an addict and there are most likely other drugs involved. You need help to form boundaries with her for yourself and mainly for her. She is an adult young woman whether she wants to be or not.

Enabling our young adults to live a lifestyle we do not support is not what they need and it is not helping them. We all do it so I'm not blaming you but it is prolonging the way she is acting and will most likely get worse. Setting boundaries IS love in the purest form.

Good luck and keep posting and reading and you will gain strength when you are ready. We get it.

 

[Crayola13]

What young people don't realize is that one day they might truly need pot for cancer or some other devastating medical condition we when they're older. If they continue smoking it now, it's going to lose its potency by the time they are old enough to need it.

 

[strangeworld]

Welcome Strange:

Agree about the weed. I smoked it when I was young but it never took over my entire life. I smoked a LOT of it. It lead down a destructive path for our son. We are still fighting his addiction.

I'd get real tough with her real quick. I suggest finding a therapist that specializes in addiction because she is acting like an addict and may be an addict and there are most likely other drugs involved. You need help to form boundaries with her for yourself and mainly for her. She is an adult young woman whether she wants to be or not.

Enabling our young adults to live a lifestyle we do not support is not what they need and it is not helping them. We all do it so I'm not blaming you but it is prolonging the way she is acting and will most likely get worse. Setting boundaries IS love in the purest form.

Good luck and keep posting and reading and you will gain strength when you are ready. We get it.

The thing is, I am done wasting my energy trying to convince my daughter she needs therapy or rehab. But tough love doesn't always work either. She asks for nothing other than to come home once in a while and so that's really all we have left to cut off. And I'm not going to shut my kid out unless she steals or becomes violent becsuse I feel like leaving a door open might help eventually. Time will tell. I might have to tell her she's no longer welcome in our home but I'm just not ready for that yet. The problem is she's not ready to give up her addiction snd I can't do it for her. She needs to make her own appointments with therapist. Me

Yes. I wish I could say that insane thought hadn’t crossed my mind, at some point.

I flushed ten Xanax my son said he had intended to flip. I started to worry if I would be the “but for” cause of him turning to property crime to make up the funds. As if there was no such thing as jobs.

Embarrassing.

And I completely agree about the scourge of MJ. All the adults medicating away their insomnia and sciatica forgot about the 14-25 year olds, when they pushed for legalization.

Exactly. The kids with still developing brains. I have no problem with adults who live balanced lives using it for whatever purpose as long as it doesn't take over their lives or change their personalities.

 

[strangeworld]

What young people don't realize is that one day they might truly need pot for cancer or some other devastating medical condition we when they're older. If they continue smoking it now, it's going to lose its potency by the time they are old enough to need it.

Really?? I didn't know this.

 

[Littleboylost]

The medicinal properties for MJ often come from the non mind altering CBD. The THC is what alters the brain. In song this it does have an effect on the endicanabanoid receptors in the brain and this in theory could render those who are chronic users immune to any beneficial medicinal effects of MJ.

 

[BusynMember]

I look at it this way. Most adults drink. As long as the drinking doesn't affect their ability to function it's none of my business, even if its my own adult child. If they smoke pot, hopefully not every day, but if they do it every day and they work, live on their own and don't ask for money from us...and it is legal in many places...i would not ruin my relationship with my adult child over pot.

The problem is when they don't adult because of pot' s affects. And sometimes it is more than just pot. There are people who have disabilities and have trouble adulting with or without pot.

But in my house, the rules are my rules. They do not always coincide with the state and federal laws. My house is MY castle. Nobody smokes anything in my house, legal or illegal. I don't want smoke in my space and this applies to friends and all relatives.

It is respectful for all to follow our rules in our home.

But....back to the topic....I personally would not get involved in the pot smoking life of a successfully adulting adult. My point of view is that it only becomes my business if it involves me. If they smoke pot and come to me for help with life, then they just made it my business. The part about how mj won't work for them later if they get cancer....that is a consequence. Tell them and I doubt it will make them quit, but at least they are aware. Face it, knowing about cancer didn't stop some from cigarettes. When young, you don't tend to worry about illness.

Jmo