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Family of Origin
FOO bad affects on our own children...did it happen?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 674344" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am going to go a little off track from your question, because my children were not around my FOO that often, because of how far apart we are in distance. I will say, my 4th girl was very hurt when my father passed and she wrote of it on Facebook and her cousin replied that my girl "couldn't understand the pain of it, because she was not close to him." I told my brother, he apologized and corrected his girl.</p><p>Life is hard.</p><p></p><p>I think it is life.</p><p>The circle of life.</p><p>We are born into this life and it throws some pretty mean deals at us. All of us. Even our FOOs. What happened to them in their FOOs to act as they did?</p><p>Were my children affected? They weren't around my FOO enough, to <em>truly </em>be affected. They were around ....me. So, if I was affected, which I was, surely, they were.</p><p>I have had hard times and sad times and pleasant memories and sad memories.</p><p></p><p>Life.</p><p><em>We are all affected</em>.</p><p>I think the difference is and will be, what can we do with it now? Certainly it is helpful to study our past with our adult eyes, and learn from it. Find out what makes us who we are.</p><p>But, we are living now.</p><p>Now, is real.</p><p>Now is what we have.</p><p></p><p>The past, we can remember and learn from.</p><p>We can remember things</p><p>and either hold on to it,</p><p>or let it go.</p><p></p><p>I think I am coming to the realization that holding on to it is too painful.</p><p></p><p>I have come to understand that what happened with my FOO has shaped me in ways, and affected my life choices, parenting, how I am, who I am in good and bad ways.</p><p>I wish there was a "re-do" button.</p><p></p><p>I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, believe you, me.</p><p>My two d c's would tell you that what they are doing is because of <em><strong>me.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>If I am to say to my children, "Of course I made mistakes, we all do. But, <em>your</em> choices are your <em>choices."</em></p><p>If I mean what I say, then how am I to hold on to what has happened to me in the past?</p><p></p><p>It is a good question Serenity, and if I am looking at it in a different way then intended I apologize.</p><p></p><p>I would say, that my children are affected in a more subliminal way, because of the literal distance between my FOO, and my family.</p><p>My children have been affected, by my passing down how I was affected.</p><p>Is the word <em>inherently?</em></p><p></p><p>I hope they can remember the good things. I really do. I can pull more than a few memories of parenting mess ups that I wish I could do over. For the most part, I loved and love all of my babies dearly, and tried my best.</p><p></p><p>I am still reeling over my eldest, it is hard.</p><p>But, life is hard sometimes. Everybody hurts, and eventually, hurts someone in some way.</p><p>That is why we have forgiveness.</p><p>Then there is always the big one,</p><p>that we will be judged,</p><p>by how we judge others.</p><p>I am trying to concentrate on the below quote.</p><p>I want to have joy, and count my blessings for the most part.</p><p>If I think too long and hard on the yucky stuff, then I am stuck in yucky.</p><p>Ok, it was part of shaping me, subsequently shaping my kids,</p><p>but it is not the air I breathe,</p><p>nor should it be theirs.</p><p>Thanks Serenity, good to have you here sister.</p><p><img src="https://40.media.tumblr.com/ea04cd0ecd92e328862726cb5173fd38/tumblr_nvfp8fCmzU1uebvk4o1_500.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 674344, member: 19522"] I am going to go a little off track from your question, because my children were not around my FOO that often, because of how far apart we are in distance. I will say, my 4th girl was very hurt when my father passed and she wrote of it on Facebook and her cousin replied that my girl "couldn't understand the pain of it, because she was not close to him." I told my brother, he apologized and corrected his girl. Life is hard. I think it is life. The circle of life. We are born into this life and it throws some pretty mean deals at us. All of us. Even our FOOs. What happened to them in their FOOs to act as they did? Were my children affected? They weren't around my FOO enough, to [I]truly [/I]be affected. They were around ....me. So, if I was affected, which I was, surely, they were. I have had hard times and sad times and pleasant memories and sad memories. Life. [I]We are all affected[/I]. I think the difference is and will be, what can we do with it now? Certainly it is helpful to study our past with our adult eyes, and learn from it. Find out what makes us who we are. But, we are living now. Now, is real. Now is what we have. The past, we can remember and learn from. We can remember things and either hold on to it, or let it go. I think I am coming to the realization that holding on to it is too painful. I have come to understand that what happened with my FOO has shaped me in ways, and affected my life choices, parenting, how I am, who I am in good and bad ways. I wish there was a "re-do" button. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, believe you, me. My two d c's would tell you that what they are doing is because of [I][B]me.[/B][/I] If I am to say to my children, "Of course I made mistakes, we all do. But, [I]your[/I] choices are your [I]choices."[/I] If I mean what I say, then how am I to hold on to what has happened to me in the past? It is a good question Serenity, and if I am looking at it in a different way then intended I apologize. I would say, that my children are affected in a more subliminal way, because of the literal distance between my FOO, and my family. My children have been affected, by my passing down how I was affected. Is the word [I]inherently?[/I] I hope they can remember the good things. I really do. I can pull more than a few memories of parenting mess ups that I wish I could do over. For the most part, I loved and love all of my babies dearly, and tried my best. I am still reeling over my eldest, it is hard. But, life is hard sometimes. Everybody hurts, and eventually, hurts someone in some way. That is why we have forgiveness. Then there is always the big one, that we will be judged, by how we judge others. I am trying to concentrate on the below quote. I want to have joy, and count my blessings for the most part. If I think too long and hard on the yucky stuff, then I am stuck in yucky. Ok, it was part of shaping me, subsequently shaping my kids, but it is not the air I breathe, nor should it be theirs. Thanks Serenity, good to have you here sister. [IMG]https://40.media.tumblr.com/ea04cd0ecd92e328862726cb5173fd38/tumblr_nvfp8fCmzU1uebvk4o1_500.jpg[/IMG] Leafy [/QUOTE]
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FOO bad affects on our own children...did it happen?
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