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For a change daughter wasn't involved!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 688443" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm putting in my two cents on what worked with my very sweet daughter who turned to bad friends and drugs from age 12-19 when she quit the drugs and her life changed again for the good (never lose hope).</p><p></p><p>The bad news us that nothing kept my daughter from her drug friends, although she was good at pretending that she was obeying. She cut school to be with them and also climbed out her window at night, when we were sleeping, to run the streets. Maybe alarms to wake us would have helped. I'm serious here. Somehow she found the bad kids and kept up with her friends and thus was before cell phones were much around...twelve or so years ago. We cut off her money and she got a job. I'm sure e she didn't use all her money in a good way, but in the big picture, it did teach her that if she made bad decisions, we weren't going to help her by funding her. We provided the basics, a car not included once we knew drugs were around and her friends were future criminals. It did end up that most did jail time and have not straightened out. She learned that after she got FB and was in another state, doing great, not able to relate to them anymore.</p><p></p><p>Until adulthood, this daughter had no passion and did not try to develop one. Socializing on the edge was her only interest. We had her in soccer, Scouts, band...she refused to do anything more than sit and not speak. A bible group threw her out when she stood up and yelled at a youth pastor for saying that being gay was a sin (I was actually proud of her for that, but couldn't make her go after that.) She also has told me, and since she's clean now, she has no reason to lie) that the parking lot of the church group was a hot bed of drugs. I guess many struggling parents tried to turn wayward teens toward church. Didn't work for us.</p><p></p><p>Daughter is very smart and probably would have excelled in a less rigid school environment, but I don't think anything would have stopped the drugs until SHE wanted to stop them. And she did, even quitting cigarettes.</p><p></p><p>Things I would have done differently if I had a do over: alarms and video cameras and turning in friends and even her if they broke the law. I actually did turn her in once. After that, the cops just knew her because she'd get nailed for being out after curfew...result of climbing out of window, puzzling us as to how she kept getting out. Call us dumb but hub and I had never been involved with bad kids or drugs. We didn't know what they do.</p><p></p><p>Now that there are cell phones, if my daughter were a wild kid today, in order for her to keep a cell phone on our dime, she'd have to have a GPS on it and we'd have to have access to her messages. Once I found a message in her room written to a boy she had met on the computer. She was planning running off to see him in another state. A phone number was on the letter. I called his parents. We stopped it. He was in college. She waS 15-16. Yes, we checked her room. You break the law, you don't have privacy.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I'm sure many parents think I was TOO strict, but I was terrified for my daughter and she did quit her friends and the drugs, and now she is delightful and we are very close. It's been so long that it almost feels like I'm writing a fiction story, but my sick gut reminds me it is true</p><p></p><p>Do your best. Be strong. Don't be afraid. Try anything to slow her behavior. If you think she may do drugs, think rehab.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and so much good luck to you. Hoping your child isn't as stubborn to your ideas as mine was when she was a teen. Drugs change your brain. I swear, she was somebody else while using.</p><p></p><p>One last suggestion: I don't know if you have a trusted relative or friend you c an trust, but I would refuse to leave her alone while you are at work. No matter how much she whines against a baby sitter, the worst trouble making time us when defiant kids are without anyone keeping an eye on them. I fortunately didn't work during my daughter's teen years. It helped a little. Just a little. She found ways.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 688443, member: 1550"] I'm putting in my two cents on what worked with my very sweet daughter who turned to bad friends and drugs from age 12-19 when she quit the drugs and her life changed again for the good (never lose hope). The bad news us that nothing kept my daughter from her drug friends, although she was good at pretending that she was obeying. She cut school to be with them and also climbed out her window at night, when we were sleeping, to run the streets. Maybe alarms to wake us would have helped. I'm serious here. Somehow she found the bad kids and kept up with her friends and thus was before cell phones were much around...twelve or so years ago. We cut off her money and she got a job. I'm sure e she didn't use all her money in a good way, but in the big picture, it did teach her that if she made bad decisions, we weren't going to help her by funding her. We provided the basics, a car not included once we knew drugs were around and her friends were future criminals. It did end up that most did jail time and have not straightened out. She learned that after she got FB and was in another state, doing great, not able to relate to them anymore. Until adulthood, this daughter had no passion and did not try to develop one. Socializing on the edge was her only interest. We had her in soccer, Scouts, band...she refused to do anything more than sit and not speak. A bible group threw her out when she stood up and yelled at a youth pastor for saying that being gay was a sin (I was actually proud of her for that, but couldn't make her go after that.) She also has told me, and since she's clean now, she has no reason to lie) that the parking lot of the church group was a hot bed of drugs. I guess many struggling parents tried to turn wayward teens toward church. Didn't work for us. Daughter is very smart and probably would have excelled in a less rigid school environment, but I don't think anything would have stopped the drugs until SHE wanted to stop them. And she did, even quitting cigarettes. Things I would have done differently if I had a do over: alarms and video cameras and turning in friends and even her if they broke the law. I actually did turn her in once. After that, the cops just knew her because she'd get nailed for being out after curfew...result of climbing out of window, puzzling us as to how she kept getting out. Call us dumb but hub and I had never been involved with bad kids or drugs. We didn't know what they do. Now that there are cell phones, if my daughter were a wild kid today, in order for her to keep a cell phone on our dime, she'd have to have a GPS on it and we'd have to have access to her messages. Once I found a message in her room written to a boy she had met on the computer. She was planning running off to see him in another state. A phone number was on the letter. I called his parents. We stopped it. He was in college. She waS 15-16. Yes, we checked her room. You break the law, you don't have privacy. Anyhow, I'm sure many parents think I was TOO strict, but I was terrified for my daughter and she did quit her friends and the drugs, and now she is delightful and we are very close. It's been so long that it almost feels like I'm writing a fiction story, but my sick gut reminds me it is true Do your best. Be strong. Don't be afraid. Try anything to slow her behavior. If you think she may do drugs, think rehab. Hugs and so much good luck to you. Hoping your child isn't as stubborn to your ideas as mine was when she was a teen. Drugs change your brain. I swear, she was somebody else while using. One last suggestion: I don't know if you have a trusted relative or friend you c an trust, but I would refuse to leave her alone while you are at work. No matter how much she whines against a baby sitter, the worst trouble making time us when defiant kids are without anyone keeping an eye on them. I fortunately didn't work during my daughter's teen years. It helped a little. Just a little. She found ways. [/QUOTE]
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