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? for parents of minority kids
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 66757" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks for the feedback.</p><p>Meg, I think it's different in the US, and we are certainly NOT in a "melting pot" area. Moving to one is unrealistic right now for many reasons. This area is almost all white. I think AA kids are different than other minorities. My asian daughter not only dated, but boys loved her. There is this stereotype of the beautiful asian female and my daughter fit it to a "t." My asian son, suffering from opposite stereotypes of asian men not being as attractive as caucasian men (and he IS attractive) did not have the social success that way that my daughter did. I believe that the AA boys in this area do great socially. The AA girls don't do as well as the boys. My daughter is friendly, sweet, very well liked and beautiful. That doesn't mean that the boys in our small town will date her. Almost all are white, with a few being asian (very few). My daughter is not real dark or real light and YES it makes a difference, much more for the girls than the boys. My dark skinned AA autistic son has a white girl with a crush on him, even though he's way overweight! But my son also goes to that school I talked about that is more diverse. It is hardly ideally diverse, but they bus kids in from an Indian reservation (many of those kids are roughly Nicole's shade, and I think they'd be interested in her) and some hispanics and a few odd AA kids. Right now my daughter is happy. She totally expects the boys to like her--right now "who likes who" is a big topic among the sixth grade girls--it's just the age. But Nicole is very sensitive and her self-esteem is easy to crumble. Her great athletic ability and wonderful personality is balanced by her Learning Disability (LD) problems and the feeling that she's "not smart." She HATES her hair, which is pretty frizzy. Actually, it looks gorgeous when she washes it and just lets it hand down, but she won't, calling it "an Afro" (and she means it in a negative way). She doesn't like braids because "they hurt." So she pulled all her hair back into a rubberband, refusing even pretty bangs, and that's it. I'm worried that she is picking up the stereotype that blond, straight hair and blue eyes are more desirable and her looks, but she isn't dwelling on it yet. Not at all. However, this child will be CRUSHED if she has no boyfriends. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she realizes that her blond haired friends are getting more attention that way than she is. Maybe I'm jumping the gun before there is any trouble. Nobody picks on her, like I said, she is VERY popular. But this one budding problem lurks in the back of my mind. I feel she'd help herself a lot if she just wore her hair down or in braids--she truly is very pretty with a gorgeous mixture of black and white features. But she refuses. This is the last of my five children, my baby, and probably my most rewarding child, in spite of her LDs. She is warm, sweet, and wonderful and has a heart of gold (she is sooooo good to Lucas as well as the one autistic boy in the sixth grade). I want the best for her without being "pushy mom" or "nervous" mom and I can be both! One good thing about our school is that the kids grew up together and are almost a family. Since there are only nine girls, there ARE girl wars (we were involved in one) but they aren't as bad as in a larger school. And Nicole has as many boys as friends as girls. I find myself wishing that I could move to Madison or Green Bay, but my husband works here and the cost of living is higher in those bigger cities...thanks for any additional feedback and the feedback I already got. You guys rock.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 66757, member: 1550"] Thanks for the feedback. Meg, I think it's different in the US, and we are certainly NOT in a "melting pot" area. Moving to one is unrealistic right now for many reasons. This area is almost all white. I think AA kids are different than other minorities. My asian daughter not only dated, but boys loved her. There is this stereotype of the beautiful asian female and my daughter fit it to a "t." My asian son, suffering from opposite stereotypes of asian men not being as attractive as caucasian men (and he IS attractive) did not have the social success that way that my daughter did. I believe that the AA boys in this area do great socially. The AA girls don't do as well as the boys. My daughter is friendly, sweet, very well liked and beautiful. That doesn't mean that the boys in our small town will date her. Almost all are white, with a few being asian (very few). My daughter is not real dark or real light and YES it makes a difference, much more for the girls than the boys. My dark skinned AA autistic son has a white girl with a crush on him, even though he's way overweight! But my son also goes to that school I talked about that is more diverse. It is hardly ideally diverse, but they bus kids in from an Indian reservation (many of those kids are roughly Nicole's shade, and I think they'd be interested in her) and some hispanics and a few odd AA kids. Right now my daughter is happy. She totally expects the boys to like her--right now "who likes who" is a big topic among the sixth grade girls--it's just the age. But Nicole is very sensitive and her self-esteem is easy to crumble. Her great athletic ability and wonderful personality is balanced by her Learning Disability (LD) problems and the feeling that she's "not smart." She HATES her hair, which is pretty frizzy. Actually, it looks gorgeous when she washes it and just lets it hand down, but she won't, calling it "an Afro" (and she means it in a negative way). She doesn't like braids because "they hurt." So she pulled all her hair back into a rubberband, refusing even pretty bangs, and that's it. I'm worried that she is picking up the stereotype that blond, straight hair and blue eyes are more desirable and her looks, but she isn't dwelling on it yet. Not at all. However, this child will be CRUSHED if she has no boyfriends. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she realizes that her blond haired friends are getting more attention that way than she is. Maybe I'm jumping the gun before there is any trouble. Nobody picks on her, like I said, she is VERY popular. But this one budding problem lurks in the back of my mind. I feel she'd help herself a lot if she just wore her hair down or in braids--she truly is very pretty with a gorgeous mixture of black and white features. But she refuses. This is the last of my five children, my baby, and probably my most rewarding child, in spite of her LDs. She is warm, sweet, and wonderful and has a heart of gold (she is sooooo good to Lucas as well as the one autistic boy in the sixth grade). I want the best for her without being "pushy mom" or "nervous" mom and I can be both! One good thing about our school is that the kids grew up together and are almost a family. Since there are only nine girls, there ARE girl wars (we were involved in one) but they aren't as bad as in a larger school. And Nicole has as many boys as friends as girls. I find myself wishing that I could move to Madison or Green Bay, but my husband works here and the cost of living is higher in those bigger cities...thanks for any additional feedback and the feedback I already got. You guys rock. [/QUOTE]
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