For the love of all things good and decent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Big Bad Kitty, Sep 6, 2008.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I can't even explain how I feel right now.

    My darling X, with whom I have been getting along better than I ever did when we were married, has been calling a bit more frequently. Anytime he feels like talking, he calls me. Just to vent or tell a funny story or whatever. He's been seeing Tink often, and has been giving me money every week.

    Lately our conversations have taken an odd turn, as in they have been a little flirty. Yet, they have been harmless.

    Well today we crossed the line from harmless teasing to downright dirty talk.

    And now I can't get him out of my mind.

    WTH is wrong with me???:faint::faint::faint:
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Out of the corner and into the shower - COLD WATER!!!
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OMG, BBK!! You're kidding! Take it slow- there's plenty of cold water in that shower- Tink would be so happy if you guys got back together, wouldn't she? Just take it slow.... no one needs more things going awry.
  4. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    um is this the X living across the street with his girlfriend? I am hoping the girlfriend is no more if this is the one. I am terrifed of talking to S2BX for the same reason, it's safer with no contact, for me, I could easily get ensnared by his charming tongue. I do not know the conditions of your split with X though, has he changed for the better?
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Quick, sit down and write down every single reason for the two of you breaking up to begin with. Then read it, and re-read it. Odds are none of those things have changed.

  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You're cooped up too much and you have a man paying attention to you. Worse yet, it is a man you still have feelings for. I'd be more worried if the flirting hadn't progressed (yeah, I've been waiting for it).

    If I thought you could take him to bed with no strings, I'd tell you to go for it. However, I don't think you can. So, I'm going to second the list of why you left him (forget the good stuff -- that won't change, either). Then you need to tell him you're not comfortable with the way things are going. It's not safe for you at this time. Strangely, I think he'll understand and maybe even back off.

    It really stinks being a single female still in love with her ex. I know, I've been there done that and still there. Part of you never quits hoping regardless of why you split up or even if there's a snowball's chance in hell of getting back together. You just want it -- some days more so than others.

    Let Matt stay with Draculina -- they deserve each other. You deserve so much better.
  7. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OKG, BBK! Please take it v-e-r-y slow and be very, very careful! I would hate to see you (and Tink!) get hurt! And what did happen to his evil live-in? Inquiring minds want to know!

    It's all very understandable why you would feel this way. But sometimes when you're out of a situation for a while, you tend to only remember the good things about it and gloss over the bad. It's only human nature. I have not one but TWO ex's, and I'm a very firm believer that someone's past behavior is the very best predictor of what their future behavior will be. People just don't change that much ... not deep down inside they don't. Before it gets out of hand, ask yourself ... would you be happy if you did get back together with him and everything ends up being exactly like it was before, when you were still married to him? Because that's probably what will happen!

    Years ago I had a very wise older friend who really did make a "list" like the others were talking about! She was married to this man for only a few years ... he was horrible, awful, abusive, and more than a little looney! They had been divorced for years but every once in a while he'd look her up and lay on the sweet talk. She made a list of every single dirty rotten thing he had ever done to her - it was a very long list! Then she gave it to her attorney to keep. She told the attorney that if she was ever even tempted to have anything to do with her ex again, he should whip out that list and force her to read it! So, for her, the "list" worked!
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think the list is a great idea. I also have been kinda looking out for this. It is hard when you feel like absolute puppy poo and then a man starts being sweet and flirty. It is very tempting. Remember why you divorced. Remember Tink. How it would hurt her if you and Matt got together, even very briefly, and then broke things off again. wouldn't it devastate her?

    I think you need to make the list - and include on it ALL the times he didn't show up for Tink, or you had to do all the arrangements because he couldn't be bothered to do them, and then keep that list by your bed,by the couch, and on the computer. Make the list your screensaver if you have to!

    Many hugs!
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    BBK, don't make me come up there and smack you around.

    Listen to your head not your heart. The heart only gets us in trouble.
  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    SLOW is good. People change as they age...sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Nothing wrong with being friends.

  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am with Heather..........don't make me come up there and smack ya!:tongue:

    It is just too easy to get caught back up in old relationships. I have been there done that - but they never change. The dysfunction that was there, is still present. And if you slept with him, as tempting as that would feel even worse than you do now. Believe me.

    Cold shower.........scream therapy...........chocolate. Do whatever it takes to stay far, far away from him. You will only get hurt again, and you know it.

  12. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I was reading another thread that you posted on and your signature caught my eye. Maybe you should read that and remember why you worded it the way you did??? (question marks because I don't know if that would help)

    I'm not real good with relationship advice unless it's reeeeeally obvious stuff. I don't know your history with him well enough to have this be obvious to me.
  13. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Ok, BBK. It took some looking, but I found the cold shower. Just leave your corner, go DIRECTLY up the stairs and take a left. I even put some nice smelly stuff in there so when you get out you'll be all comfy. Enjoy.

  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I think you should just throw him on the floor
    Rip off his clothes
    Have your way with him
    Get what YOU need
    Then roll him over
    Smack him on the kiester and say

    NOW GO HOME - 'CAUSE YOU ARE NEVER NEVER going to have THIS again.

    (well maybe visions of you actually sending him away will jolt you into seeing what it's like to be the person that uses and not be the person who gets used all the time)

    If his personality and character were as good as his looks you never would have divorced.
  15. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Gawd, Star. I'm putting bars on your corner.

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    :church: Okay then - tomorrow I go.......:devil:Better than sitting there in BBK's house like this......:forsanta:
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Y'all, we love BBK. We don't want to smack HER around, she isn't a toad. Lets go smack HIM around - chase him away from our Kitty. We should PROTECT our Kitty, not thump her. (Thumper is a rabbit, anyway).

    Star, you are BAD. I think we need bars up and down and sideways to keep you in. Don't throw our Kitty to the toadman, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??????

    Sigh. The things our Star does. Sigh.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    (comes to Susiestar in a Nun Habit)

    My dear,

    I wasn't "forcing" our beloved Kitty on the Toad - I was merely giving her a vision of the future to make her realize she's so much better than "that". It was meant with love and caring, compassion......

    See now if she were to have those thoughts? She has a vision into the future and it's
    -except for the smacking and NEVER EVER GOING TO HAVE THIS thing....
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Aaaah, OK. I understand now. Sorry I misunderstood.

    And it BETTER NOT HAPPEN. But we will still love our Kitty if it does.
  20. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Wow.....those Nun's Habits are really, really flame retardant aren't they?