For those who have gone through custody battles *sigh*

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, May 29, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yes, Bart's nutty ex is moving this time, wants to go as far as she can and take him out of his current school and keep him as far from Bart as she can, although or maybe because Junior favors him so much.

    She just had another baby with the man she ran off with while still married to Bart.

    Bart is lawyering up again, this time choosing a pitbull lawyer with a good client and AVVO rating (whatever AVVO He won't pull any punches or be afraid to go after ex in every way. Bart is going to go after the mailing address as he is in Junior's school district and Junior is doing great in school and doesn't want to leave. Junior is frantic about the move. He's a very smart boy. He knows what it means.

    Does anyone know if the fact that the ex just popped another kid will make a judge maybe not give residential custody to my son, even though it makes sense for him to have it? Right now they are at 50/50 with shared medical and legal custody. She has done everything to try to control this child and keep him from Juinior and Bart is a fantastic father. Stepfather has slapped Junior across the face at least once that we know of and Junior hates stepfather, but his opinion doesn't matter yet. He won't tell anyone about the slap because "Mommy will be so mad at me." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Having another baby will not influence the judge. Moving so far away and the school issue may make a difference.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks. He spooks easily and that is a big concern of his.
  4. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    How old is your grandson? At a certain age the courts start seriously considering who the child wishes to reside with.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    No. This should not influence anything, especially as far apart in age as the kids are. Junior is what? 7? A judge might hate to have two close siblings separated, but it really shouldn't matter much.

    Her wanting to move so far away is definitely grounds for a custodial change and in Bart's favor if you ask me.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Lil. That's a relief.

    She changed lawyers and this guy is a pitbull, which is what he wanted. His last lawyer did not do all the things he asked her to do and this time it is going to be different. She has tried everything to keep Junior away from Bart, and won't let him talk to Bart on the phone when he is with her, although it's in the parenting plan.

    Ex has been taking Junior to see a psychologist (just happens to be the one the court uses) without Bart's permission (they have joint in decisions like legal) and I'm sure this lawyer will try to straighten out her thinking she can do whatever she wants. He has money to fight. She may now.

    I'm so not ready to do this again. It tore me up the first time. Of course, I am always a wreck as this is my grandson...

    Thanks again.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    The burden will be on Bart, but he has a good chance. She's wanting to move Jr. away from everything but keep him with his custodial family. Bart wants to keep Jr. near everything and keep custody.

    She'll totally get away with the counseling. He can make her stop, but it will be considered as "status quo" by the court and they will hear what the counselor has to say. Tell Bart to ask to speak to the counselor, remain calm, and to rationally explain that he was "disappointed" that she went behind his back. Not "angry". Not "upset". Not "betrayed". "Disappointed in her actions".
  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Actually, if she wants to change the custody arrangement, from the current week to week, to her having primary because of the distance, burden is on her. Whoever wants to change things has the burden. The real standard is the best interest of the child. Otherwise, I agree completely with Witzend. Courts tend to like the most reasonable parent.

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  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    This is spot on. He has to make sure that they understand why the disruption of staying in school, (summer break? hard sell) near extended family, staying with a father who is a better, more calm communicator (especially this) is more in the interest of the child than keeping the child with her and her new family ("god bless them, I'm sure they're wonderful people") and taking him away from everything he knows. And somehow he has to do this in a calm reasonable way. It's all about him not letting her push his buttons. Never ever let anyone see him get angry or hurt or upset by her actions. Keep his eye on the prize - his son's well being.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They have joint custody. Bart is in his school district where all his friends and activities are. He is a straight A kid without behavior problems. Bart just wants to make sure junior doesn't change schools and his mom already said she's moving him to another from the school he loves. Bart wants residential custody. right now she has it but she is moving out of his school district. Bart is most reasonable by far and ex tends to act angry and emotional under pressure. Missouri is a 50/50 presumption of custody state. Custody won't change.
    When they were forced to try mediation during the custody battle and before the trial, ex would not give an inch. The mediator ended up raising his voice at her and she bawled. She doesn't want Bart to be able to see his son and this is another attempt to make it harder. She is moving as far as allowed to get him into a school closer to her than Bart. 50/50 custody won't change. Even she admitted that. But it would be a longer ride.
    Last edited: May 30, 2015
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Moving to a different school district, moving to where he has to drive him a long distance to get him to school, that makes little sense if the school he is in now is a good one. So right now she's considered the residential custodian for school purposes? And Bart wants to change that? Then yes, the burden will be on Bart. BUT, if they have both joint legal and physical custody (MO doesn't presume 50/50, just joint legal and physical, which means parents make joint decisions and both get to see the kid a lot...but it doesn't have to be week to week) how can she make the decision to change schools all by herself?'s all very complicated without reading the prior order. But a good lawyer is key. And being willing to be reasonable.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Lil. She always makes her own decisions. She goes to psychologists with the poor kid without telling Bart and changes doctors then sends him the bill, etc. He knows the burden is on him. He has a lawyer who is more "go for it" than his last one, who was more passive. There is a GAL and some court appointed psychologist who was from the custody battle. Junior is afraid of the psychologist and cries when he has to go and says what he thinks he wants to hear and then tells Bart, "I didn't want him to be mad at me and Mom would yell at me too." He will not tell anyone that stepfather slapped his face because he's so afraid of both of them.

    I feel so sorry for Junior. He is a really nice boy who just wants to be a normal boy and his mother keeps him off balance. Bart isn't perfect, but he tries very hard to do the right thing as a father and spends a lot of quality time with him when they are together and doesn't want him to keep moving around.