For those who love to punnish

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by meowbunny, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

    When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

    A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

    He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

    A calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    A plateau is a high form of flattery.

    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

    If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine ..

    When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture: a jab well done.

    Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

    And might I add...It is better to have loved a short woman than never to have loved a tall.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Subordinate Clauses...LOL...
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I love these-thanks for sharing :rofl:
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I LOVE these

    Yawn - An honest opinion openly expressed

    Syntax - Money in the church collection plate

    Arbitrator - A person who leaves Arbys to work at McDonalds

    Sarchasm - The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

    Subdude - Like, a guy, like, who works on, like submarines man

    Osteopornosis - A degenerate disease

    Polarize - what penguins see with

    Ignoranus - Stupid, (obvious)

    Reintarnation - It's when yer comin' back in yer next life as a hillbilly

    Pharmacist - helpers on the farm

    Out of Bounds - a tired kangaroo

    Rubberneck - a great way to relax your wife
  5. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I'm a glutton for punnishment! These are great.

    My grandfather was a great punster, and he and I would get into trading them back and forth until we were in stitches and everybody else was rolling their eyes. I really miss him.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Bitter - What dracula did to the girl

    Soda - When like things are like you know like stupid
  7. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    (At the zoo, looking at a certain species of amphibious mammal)

    Jim: "Look, in the wotter -- there's one, and there's anotter."

    Mike: "There are two more -- I think they're mother and dotter."

    Jim: "You're right. Do you suppose she was donated, or that the zoo botter?"

    Mike: "I don't know, but they otter get a discount if they buy a lotter them."

    Jim: "True. They look smart -- I wonder, what was their alma motter?"

    Mike: "Wherever it was, I'm sure therr fotters paid for it."

    Jim: "They need something to play on, like a teeter-totter."

    Mike: "Yep. One goes up, and the otter goes down."
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    THAT was otterly adorable.
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    OMG -- I've created a motter thread. Pretty soon we'll all be going off our otter.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Otter- In redneck it's what you think you should do.
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Y'all otter be ashamed of yerselves!
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Gotta be careful here, some words get pronounced differently in other countries.

    And here's a few from the LAND down under:

    What's the difference between a brewery horse and a cavalry horse?
    One darts into the fray...

    What's the difference between a goldfish and a billygoat?
    One mucks about the fountain...

    And a true story - I had a boss who was an incorrigible punster. He also used to sing a lot on the job, usually from various musicals. One morning he began to sing "Some Enchanted Evening" so I said, "It's going to be 'South Pacific' today, is it?"
    He replied fast. "Well it would, but most of the notes are too bally high for me."

    And from the Two Ronnies (like the one about the midget fortune teller):
    What do you get when you cross a table tennis ball with a chamber pot?
    You get a ping pong piddle-high po (you need to be a Goons fan, also).

  13. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    A difficult child is a poster child.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I digress

    A difficult child is an IMposter child
  15. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    And here I thought a difficult child was a poser child.