For those who've had to deal with POs and in-home "therapy"....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Nov 26, 2012.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm refering to the in-home koi ordered by juvenile courts and/or probation/parole officers for your juvenile difficult child committing an offense- I wanted to tell everyone before but didn't want E to get on here and see it- you know how we've all complained about how useless and bogus it seemed? Well this last PO E had, who is very young, inexperienced, and naive or else she wouldn't have told me this- she told me "they can order this stuff to create a diversion and buy time". IOW, they aren't ordering it because it's a valid solution- they order this koi to keep the family tied up in something to try to get thru the difficult periods.OMG- I about fell off my chair when she told me this. So all the "fix what he wants for dinner more often and he won't break the law anymore" stupidity was to give us something else to think about so we wouldn't be dealing with difficult child issues? That would be my definition of denial. She offered more of this koi as a diversion to "get thru the next few months" with E- I told her h**l no, we had more than enough to deal with as it was.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yeah, no surprise there...

    How often did we have to go thru that garbage with the state only to discover that they really didn't have anything by way of services? So if the in-home therapy wasn't enough, there just wasn't anything else.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I can't even digest all we went thru with Department of Juvenile Justice and juvenile POs. But this last one was young and idealistic and she was trying to get DSS to let E go into one of their group homes before he died. He hadn't done anything that warranted getting incarcerated again but we were starting to have friction at home and I wanted him to go someplace else to transition to adulthood rather than risk staying with me and exploding- but then we had the hurricane and things got delayed a few days- and that did it in, as far as him exploding. But I did want to get the word out that when these in home people get ordered and you, as a parent, are stressing over what they are telling you- like the problem is that you didn't hug your kid enough- it really is bogus and yes, they know it. So quit stressing and blaming yourself and don't expect a miracle from it.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    But you're right, DF- they rally don't have anything. They make it look like they do so politicians can get the votes based on "we are dealing with the juvenile issues" and "we are creating jobs" but they aren't doing squat that actually helps. E got as far as he did before he died on his own maturing and thinking, I'm sure of that.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's not just juvie. Schools are pretty much the same in my opinion. If your kid's needs match what they have to offer, fine. Anything else? diversion, band-aid, or "blame the parent" game.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    That's so true. And sad.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    klmno - the school comments aren't meant to divert from your point - it just seems that any of the "systems" out there just don't know how to handle our kids.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I know- np- and I agree with what you said- we just got lucky and E's sd accommodations were minimal this past year so I wasn't thinking in terms of sd.
  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thinks this really depends on your situation and locality. I had mostly good luck with in-home therapists, my only complaint was the turnover. We went through three of them, two were good and one was "meh." The good ones don't stick around long.
  12. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I would have to agree with both K and CrazyinVA. I have dealt with in home therapist in 3 states. We also now have one that was a PO as well at one point in time. What I can say is that the continuity of care is not good from agency to agency and turn over is extremely high. The turn over is always high for several reason I've learned in speaking to not only the workers themselves but the higher ups in administration including at the highest state levels when I was really active in advocacy work years ago. The emotional toll, the stress, the pay (BIG factor), amount of paperwork (big surprise there as there is so many restrictions/constraints and they get sick of it), and finally the younger ones that come in often realize that this isn't the type work they thought it would be.

    The ex PO turned worker (who coincidentally has been from lowest on the totem poll all the way up to starting and opening up a residential facility that is still running today) who by choice has chosen to be a general in home worker now as he "likes" this type of work now that he is older and experienced all the other levels and it fits his needs in life and he feels he can do the most effective work with the kids he works with. The kids he has chosen to take on are adolescence. He prefers boys but does have girls and his experience is that if they can be reached before they hit that 15/16 mark there is hope for them but they MUST be worked with intensively. He does not EVER give up hope on his kids and goes above and beyond to reach them however he can no matter what it takes. He is also of the thought that we all are and that is there is no need to put a child in juvenile for mental health needs. You need to treat the issues effectively, not warehouse a child. Once placed in juvenile you tend to loose them. Even placing them in a residential facility or group home is risky but sometimes it is a necessary evil for the good of the child and or family but at least it is a mental health placement and not juvenile. He also knows that not all placements are created equal, meaning some are not as effective.

    He, as well as my other workers here get that they are almost just "supports" for me as I am more knowledgeable at this point of what needs to be done. What they can offer is guidance towards other supports or resources that may be able to assist if possible and that extra person or people helps build the "village" around the child so that they know they have a kind of "fencing" in of themselves to keep them inline/in check towards their goals we have set and are working on to help them obtain as much of a normal life as possible. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I just know that this is NOT the norm I've found in the past in anywhere else we've been. Hence why I can agree with both K and C in VA. He knows what K says to be true at times and it "can be" very frustrating.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Tiapet- I have to ask you- what exactly is your avatar a photo of?
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know if it was the timing of when I was searching for help with Cory but I tend not to think so because it took me a long time to find the support I finally managed to get. I know I spent the better part of at least 6 months calling everyone in a 3 state area when I learned that he was being discharged from wilderness camp for non-progress.

    I hardly did any work at all during that time and just stayed on the phone all day calling anywhere I thought could help and took numbers from them as they gave me numbers that they thought could help. Finally I got a tip about a court case that was filed years ago in NC called Willie M for kids who were falling through the cracks. I looked it up online and it sounded exactly like what I needed. I couldnt get anyone here at the local agency to return my calls so I simply called the state level and laid some interesting accusations which really got me noticed. I also got Cory into the program within a few weeks.

    We had mostly good caseworkers from the time he got into that program. Actually from the time he entered that program he had the same case manager until he left it at 17. I believe he may have had 2 therapists because one left for private practice. One psychiatrist until I took him out to go to a private psychiatrist after he got out of the state hospital at 16. Yes we had to jump through their hoops because we simply couldnt get him placed into a locked facility which was what he needed to begin with until he had failed time and again in regular group homes. He failed I cannot even remember how many group homes he ran from. It was a joke. Most were fine places...few not so good...but mostly fine. Cory just didnt want to be there.

    When he was small...from 4 until he left for wilderness at 11, he had excellent therapists. They tried their damnedest to figure him out. That was before early onset bipolar was even known down here. Everyone kept telling me...he acts hyper and he lacks focus but there is just something else there. medicine made him slow down and his handwriting was better but his behavior wasnt any better. We got every service they could throw at us. If it took a village to raise a child, we had an entire city. From the time Cory was 9 until he quit school in his second year of 9th grade, he had an aide with him in school who stayed with him 8 hours a day. They turned themselves inside out to invent programs to attempt to help him. The only thing they couldnt do was invent a school that would reach him.
  15. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    K, the avatar is my cat sleeping with her paw over her head! LOL She is white. If you look you will see the body to the right and the paw is the upper left covering her face like "leave me alone".