Hi, a bit of history. difficult child 1 has tried to kill his siblings in the past. I'm talking about years ago. But, I can't seem to let go of what he did. What has brought this all to the forefront is a homeschooling lesson. I homeschool difficult child 2. I used to homeschool difficult child 1 and during one of the lessons with difficult child 1 he tried to scaled difficult child 2 who was then 18 months old. See, long time ago. Last week difficult child 2 came to the same lesson. I put off teaching it for a week just because of the memories. I also can not relax when difficult child 1 is in the same room with the other kids. I am hypervigilant and I'm not sure its necessary anymore. There is always a part of my mind that counters with 'what if it is necessary and you don't?'