Formal introduction.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mamabear01, May 16, 2009.

  1. mamabear01

    mamabear01 New Member

    I am going to take Midwesternmoms advice and post an introduction thread about me and my family.

    I posted a thread and also a few posts, but since I am new I thought I would post a few things about me/us.

    I am 44 and my husband is 43. When we got together 16 yrs ago, I had a 6 yr old daughter who had been diagnosis (at the age of 5) with ADHD and Borderline personality disorder.

    She had 3 yrs of intensive weekly therapy with a play therapist. And it really helped. Now when I talk to people (remember we didn't have computers way back when to look things up) there is no way she could of been diagnosis'd with Borderline (BPD) at the age of 5. I agree.

    As she got older (doing much better now by the way) it was obvious with our convo's that she exhibited more Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Sensory Disorder behaviors and a strong need for routine at the time. I do believe the Borderline (BPD) was a mis-diagnosis's.

    Like for example.... I couldn't take her to the grocery store EVER. She would flip out, get really hyper (she was like triplets when it came to hyperactivity) and go nuts.

    When she was older she told me that she did go nuts in the store and have to run down the isle's and touch every box on the middle isle and count them. The sensory/crowds probably also added to the problems. I also noticed the chewing that she did with her fingers that weren't known back then. And she still does it to this day. She also bites the inside of her cheeks.

    She got preg at 17 with her boyfriend, but we really liked him (he was a really good guy and helped her to stop doing drugs and get on the right track (he is really into health and fitness, which she followed in his footsteps) and they got married and she became a wonderful mother. She does stil have problems with anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and sensory, but she is doing great considering. They now own their own house, have jobs and are very successful.

    I am very proud of her :). I realize all of the nagging, and talking and thinking she didn't listen to me, she really did. But just didn't want me to know she listened to me. Until she became an adult.

    The only thing is, my grandchild has some redflags for Autism (high functioning) and I saw those red flags when he started turning 2, two yrs ago. The reason I knew what to look for was because my two boys (with my husband) ages 13 and 9 were diagnosis'd with Asperger Syndrome two yrs ago.

    So it's all in the family I guess lol.

    Anyway, thats my story. And thats why I am here due to the behaviors of my boys and even my daughter and my grandchild.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome, thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like your daughter is doing so well, glad to hear that she really was listening all those years (gives me hope). It sounds like you still have a lot on your plate. I'm glad you found us, you will find much support here. Again, Welcome:)
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks for posting. We're here for you if you need to talk about your grandsons. My son has high functioning autism. He is fifteen!

    Welcome! :D
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Welcome to our little corner of the world. Thanks for sharing the good news about daughter.
    Sounds like your job as a warrior mom isn't quite over yet. How are your son's doing?
  5. mamabear01

    mamabear01 New Member

    Wiped out yes there is hope! I have read some of the posts and sat back and thought, yep she hated me, yep, I embarrassed her, yep I was fat, old and uncool too lololol. I went thru a phase with her where she was smoking crack and even took off at night (once for the weekend with her friend.) They ended up in juvy and it scared the carp outta her lol.

    Thank god it was only once (then she met her boyfriend shortly after which helped tremondously)

    So ya, been there, done that and own the T-shirt.

    But she told me after she matured.... she said mom, I heard everyword you said, but I didn't want you to know I did. Thanks for still loving me thru the rough times.

    I think the only thing that made a difference with how things turned out was that I tried to balance the control and punishment with actually sitting down having a discussion AND listening to her. Even if I disagreed, I listened. (I know some will disagree with me here, thats okay) like a friend would somtimes. So yes sometimes I wore my mamma hat, and sometimes I wore my friend hat.

    Anyway, she still has her moments tho. She's very arugementive (sp???) and has alot of anxiety still. She is set in her own ways and can be difficult, but I do believe thats just the way she will always be.

    Is she an Aspie? She could be midly, but all I know is she is in nursing school, making great grades and she is happier than I thought she would ever be. And thats a big relief.

    As for the boys...... they are a handful but the sweetiest guys you would ever want to meet. They have their oddity's but I wouldn't have them any other way. But whats the main problem now is behavior, meltdowns, ODD behavior and thats what we are struggling with now.

    They see a doctor for Cog therapy and are on medications, but I have been fighting for 2 yrs for an IEP and the school has been extremly difficult so I had to finally get a lawyer. Such a long story but we are in the midst of getting priv testing and the school paying for it so hopefully they will have an IEP written up by next year.

    I know more support in school will probably help with some of these behaviors because I do feel some of them are directly related to how their treated at school. I mean if you have a kid (s) who can't transition well, and needs structure and routine how do you think their gonna cope when the teacher always moves the desks around ect.... UGH I could go on and on, but I won't lol.

    One thing that really concerns me tho is for my grandson. Everyone looks at him and only see's ADHD, but I see sensory (always covering his ears) lining toys up, speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) issue's. He also has this light switching on and off thing and my daughter gets mad at me and won't do anything to get him evaluated. I know he could get early help and it is so important. But my daughter is very stuborn. So hopefully someone will see this when school comes around.

    Anyway thanks for the welcome. I do appreciate it.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm no doctor, but the child who is lining up toys and has sensory issues sounds classically autistic, not ADHD.

    I'd get him into interventions ASAP. That lining up seems to be a big Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) thing. The kids play inappropriately with toys. And they are very quirky kids, often getting an ADHD diagnosis. even when Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is staring the professionals in the faces. I especially wouldn't trust anyone at school to catch it. They won't. I'd go to a private neuropsychologist.

    Good luck!
  7. mamabear01

    mamabear01 New Member

    Oh I absolutely agree with you! But see people arn't seeing what I am seeing, and I'm sure you know, once you understand the spectrum, you have your radar up lol. Hell I can diagnosis someone in target LOL. Just kidding.

    I know if he was diagnosis'd he would be an Aspie, not really classic. He is very very bright and the things I see are hard to see from an unfamiliar person. But I see them and would love to get him in, but my daughter's against it saying nothing's wrong with him.

    Well nothing is wrong, he's just going to have some challenges that get harder and harder to deal with the older he gets. Thats just that.

    I also know that many kids on the spectrum do get mis-diagnosis'd with ADHD, and then later get the Aspie/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified diagnosis which really is more accurate.

    I'm hoping that when he hits kindy, and the school gets frustrated with his "ADHD" then I can naturally lead her to my doctor (he's an NP that also does therapy) and he can gently let her know if I am correct with what I see.

    Anyway, even tho she's my daughter, there is that confidentialty thing between us and Docs. We share the same Pediatrician and I might just casually drop some hints on what I see, but I can't just go busting in there with this. I kinda gotta do it carefully, so as I can get him some help, but don't ruin my daughter's and my relationship.

    So it's a work in progress. ONe things for sure is I won't let it go.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Welcome MB! I am glad you found us (sorry you had to). I have a 10 year old son who has mild Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/aspergers. I'm finding out that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) presents differently in everyone. My son, manster, is highly emotional and almost too engaged at times, always making eye contact, etc. Desite being more on the sensory seeking side of things at home, for the most part he goes inward at school, participates only when directly approached. We have it in his 504 that the teacher is to use his name to engage him in discussions and he is required to sit in the front row.

    His friend at field day yesterday said "danny is wierd" and I said "perhaps but we love him just the way he is" and she smiled and said "yeah".

    I look forward to getting to know you better.

  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I hear you.

    My family reckon I'm too ready to see Asperger's, but time and again I am proven right. Just yesterday a close friend of the family's at church, a highly intelligent man, was talking to me about Asperger's and finally confessed what I've been privately saying about him to the family - "I think I may have Asperger's."

    I directed him to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on You can't use it to diagnose, but you can print out the results and take it to a specialist. Also, each question is connected to a hot link explaining exactly how to answer it correctly (ie how to not 'rig' the answers to give you the overall test result you want).

    Maybe if you run the questionnaire on your grandsons, it could reassure you. Or maybe you can persuad your daughter to sit with you and run the questionnaire. "Come on, darling. Prove my concerns to be groundless, let's do tis together and discuss it." If you do this, make sure you check the guidelines to make sure she's not fudging the results to give a null result, and to make sure you're not fudging them to give a "Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)" result.

    I speak from experience - Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) doesn't just run in our family, it gallops (I stole that line form "Arsenic and Old Lace").