I know that my son smokes and have attempted to get him help to stop. Today found bag of pot in his room and need suggestions on how to confront him with this and if to throw the pot out. My gut says to throw it away and see what he says and talk to him again about AA meeting and getting sober.He is 20 works part time dropped out of college.
Found bag of pot in 20 year old son's room
- Thread starter SDparent
- Start date
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
Good morning, SD,
Well, if you have offered help, he must be either using pot more frequently, or perhaps has other simultaneous issues that are preventing him from completing college or working full time. I wouldn't throw the pot out yet.
Have you drug tested him to see what he's doing and how much? There are comprehensive home kits which can be purchased at the chain pharmacies. I'd start there, to just get a read on what exactly he's doing and frequently he's been doing it.
Are there any other minor children in your home? Has your 20 y/o been diagnosed with any mental health or learning issues?
Well, if you have offered help, he must be either using pot more frequently, or perhaps has other simultaneous issues that are preventing him from completing college or working full time. I wouldn't throw the pot out yet.
Have you drug tested him to see what he's doing and how much? There are comprehensive home kits which can be purchased at the chain pharmacies. I'd start there, to just get a read on what exactly he's doing and frequently he's been doing it.
Are there any other minor children in your home? Has your 20 y/o been diagnosed with any mental health or learning issues?
buddy
New Member
HI and welcome. Sorry you are in this situation, glad you found this forum. Parents who have been in your shoes will be along shortly I am sure, there are a wonderful group here who have been there and can help support you! Just wanted to welcome you and encourage you to share more of your story..... HUGS, Buddy
exhausted
Active Member
Welcpme SDparent. I would throw it out. It illegal and in your home. He needs to know you will not support this. I actually called the police when mine was younger to give it them. They would do nothing however as they said they had no proof it was hers. I had hoped it would scare her-didn't in our case. I would not allow a 20 year old to live in my home and use under my roof. I would offer some sort of 12 step help and if he refuses, ley him know he cannot live there that you will not enable his use. I would also want to know what else he is doing. The bad thing about pot is it makes them so lazy (my experience). We have been there. Keep us posted and tell us more about your situation.
When I found pot in my grandsons car...I made him flush it down the potty.....but this is a boy who has no anger issues and with all his problems has never said anything to me negative..just listens..but of course doesn't take much in or follow thru with my suggestions....LOL...keeping you in my thoughts
Hi SD parent and welcome to our little part of the larger CD community. We are glad that you found us and hope that we can help. It would help us get to know you if you would create a signature like the one you see at the bottom of my post. To do so, go to settings at the top right hand corner of the page, then my profile on the left side of the page, and then edit signature. Make sure that you click on save.
As far as the pot, I too would throw it out. I think that you need to make a clear statement that you will not tolerate illegal substances or activities in your home.
Please tell us more about your son. Has this been going on for a long time? Is he verbally or physically abusive to you? Would he be willing to move out and support himself if you tell him that he needs to leave if he continues to smoke?
~Kathy
As far as the pot, I too would throw it out. I think that you need to make a clear statement that you will not tolerate illegal substances or activities in your home.
Please tell us more about your son. Has this been going on for a long time? Is he verbally or physically abusive to you? Would he be willing to move out and support himself if you tell him that he needs to leave if he continues to smoke?
~Kathy
S
Signorina
Guest
Yep, that Pot would be flushed down to potty and the empty bag left where he will see it. (dresser) How I acted beyond that - would depend on what else is going on. Can you tell us more about him?
T
toughlovin
Guest
A couple of thoughts....1. If possible stay calm when you talk to him. Flipping out doesn't really work... at least that has been my experience.
2. For me a lot would depend on how much pot you found. If it was a small amount that was clearly for personal use then I agree with others i would get rid of it. If it was a large amount then I would be worried he was dealing and I would worry about his supplier coming after him.... in that case, enabling as it may be, I would tell him he needed to get it out of my house now or I would go to the police... and then I would expect him to have a conversation with me abuot what is going on and what is he doing. Of course in that situation I tried that and I am not sure it got me anywhere so I am not sure at all this is good advice.
TL
2. For me a lot would depend on how much pot you found. If it was a small amount that was clearly for personal use then I agree with others i would get rid of it. If it was a large amount then I would be worried he was dealing and I would worry about his supplier coming after him.... in that case, enabling as it may be, I would tell him he needed to get it out of my house now or I would go to the police... and then I would expect him to have a conversation with me abuot what is going on and what is he doing. Of course in that situation I tried that and I am not sure it got me anywhere so I am not sure at all this is good advice.
TL
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
My ex-druggie abusing daughter told me that if you use, you sell. That's how it is (her experience). Regardless of the amount, I'd throw it out. And I'd try to find out if more is going on than just pot use. What are his friends like? That's a big clue.
keista
New Member
I would toss it. YOU don't want to get busted with it. Going to the police, regardless of the amount, only puts you at risk. I once had a roommate who started dealing. I was blissfully oblivious until he forgot to put the phone back in the cradle. I had to go into his room to get it and saw his scales right out on top of his dresser. I went straight to the police department and asked them what to do. The told me to ask him to leave and if he refused to begin eviction proceedings. Why? because if they came in my house and found anything of substance, my husband and I would be just a s liable for it since there were no external locks on his bedroom door. IOW we had just as much access as he did.
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
When my son was a minor (16) I found pot and paraphernalia and I did call the local police. They came right over, asked me to give them what I found, and they had a serious sit-down with-difficult child. They gave him a warning, and they confiscated the stuff, and said I could call them anytime if I found anything else, and that I could bring him right over to the station to get drug tested any time in the future. Of course, he was a minor, and they went above and beyond to scare him straight. It didn't work; difficult child had a holy meltdown after they left, he was blaming us for calling them, etc., etc. Too bad. Unfortunately, in a power struggle, usually the biggest idiot will keep doing self destructive things just to show he's more powerful, so he never stopped using while he was a minor in our home. In fact, he got worse.
Your child is not a minor, so you have the right to keep a drug free home.
Your child is not a minor, so you have the right to keep a drug free home.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Flush it. and then tell him you had an enjoyable time dumping it all up and down the highway. Let him go search for it...lol.
