Found drugs in room after a concert, what do?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Robert, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. Robert

    Robert New Member

    Hey all,

    I am new here, but that's because I just realized that my son is not the easy child we thought he was. Last night he came home from a "livetronica" concert that he calls a "rave". He stumbled in late last night, (this morning I guess), clearly under the influence of some drug. My wife and I continually asked him what he did, but he resisted and wouldn't answer us. He eventually passed out on the couch in our family room without even going up to his room. It was difficult, but we searched his pockets and looked through his phone messages when we found a packet of marijuana in his pocket. It turns out that he also negotiated a deal for "Molly", (not sure what that is), and "acid", or LSD. We also found a small pipe in his pocket, along with a small bag of some white powder. We then searched his room and found a "bong". I'm not sure what to do. He has been getting great grades in school this year. I don't know what to do.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Robert this is a parent's nightmare. We are living the same story. Last summer our difficult child came home every mornign at 4 a.m. drunk and high. We ended up putting her in a residential rehab program for 60 days and outpatient aftercare for 5 weeks. It didn't work. She just made more drug contacts and learned new drugs to abuse.

    Even though we didn't have the results we had hoped it's still important to get him help before his drug use escalates into something worse. How old is he? Is this the first indication you had that he was using? How is his behavior at home?

    by the way Molly is ecstacy.

  3. Robert

    Robert New Member

    Thanks for replying. He is 17. The thing that gets us is that he used OUR MONEY AND OUR CAR to make these purchases and was driving under the influence. I don't think I can trust him with the family car ever again. Thanks for the tip about "Molly". I can't believe my son. His appearance has been fine, and he is very good natured. He seems like a normal son. We are thinking about sending him away to a boarding school.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Welcome Robert. How old is your son? Is this the first time you have been suspicious of drug use?

    I don't know if I have clear advice. My first thought is no matter what stay calm. You now know your son is using drugs... and that in fact he is doing more than smoking pot. Yes that is serious cause for worry.... but you don't know how far into it he is. If he is getting decent grades that is a good sign. How about his friendships, have they changed? How is he at home, does he still act like a easy child except for the drug use?

    I think a lot of kids experiment and that in and of itself is cause for worry, but a lot of those kids do not get deeply into drugs. I think a kid who is getting deeply into drugs has a hard time keeping the rest of his life together, so grades go down, friendships change, hygiene and sleep patterns change etc.

    So once again stay calm. Then I would pick a calm time to talk to him. Let him know your concerns and then depending on how he reacts go from there. Clearly there is a problem, but you don' t know yet how big the problem is.

    I know with my son at the age of 15 he started smoking pot and got into fast and furious so that we got really scared because we knew at that point he would try anything. His grades dropped, he was cutting school, he was sleeping in the daytime and up all night.... at that point we intervened and sent him to a therapeutic school. He came back and did well for about a year and then things went really downhill again. Again the other things in his life started falling apart.

    So I would look at the whole picture and not panic... but don't stick your head in the sand either.
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Robert, and welcome. I agree that the first thing to do is try to keep calm. I know that's hard.

    I also agree that sitting down with him in a calm moment and having a frank discussion about his drug use is a good idea. I would expect him to be mad about your searches, but it's your home and you are responsible for what is in it. I'm assuming you have not had cause to search before, and I'd point that out to him - *his* choice made it necessary for you to investigate your own home.

    I think your initial reaction of not allowing him to use the car is reasonable. "Ever again" is probably a knee-jerk response - trust has to be re-earned here and you need to let him know that there are consequences for his actions, both positive (re-earning privilege of earning car use back) and negative (never again using family car).

    It's hard because 17-year-olds are indestructible in their own minds. They know it all and have it under control. You are going to have to get him to see that coming home (*driving* home) wasted out of his mind is not having it under control.

    Since he's basically a great kid, I think boarding school may be premature. You want to support him, teach him, guide him to the point where he will hopefully see that his drug use not only puts himself at risk, it puts others at risk as well. There were drugs in *your* home. He was on the road impaired - were there other kids in the car? Would he care to explain to those parents why he put their kids' lives in jeopardy?

    I think a full drug screen might be in order so you know what you're dealing with. Try to get the lines of communication open with him. Let him know that there are consequences for this choice he's made (grounding, no car, no raves, whatever you think is appropriate once you've cooled off a bit). Remember that *logical* consequences tend to be a bit more effective. Driving impaired? No car. Drug use at raves? No more raves.

    Part of being a teen is making some really questionable choices. We've all been there to one degree or another. You have an opportunity here to work with him on getting back on track. Maybe some outpatient counseling will help - depends on his response when you have your discussion with him, if he admits to frequent use or if this was an isolated incident (not saying I'd necessarily believe him since paraphernalia would make me think this wasn't so isolated). You know him best, and even though this seems to have come completely out of left base, you *still* know him best.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you are facing this painful situation. Many of us have had apparent easy child's who for a variety of reasons (many of them unexpressed years and years after the crisis, sigh) started making poor and frightening choices. As others have suggested try to remain calm, examine treatment options in your community and do alot of personal research. The idea of "sending him off to Boarding School" is common. Sadly you would probably be sending him off to be with other kids who were sent off because of the same or worse problems.

    This problem is now a family problem. Never...not once...have I heard or read of a teen who once confronted said "I'm so sorry and I'll never do it again.....and followed thru." It's complex. It's exhausting and frightening. Chances are nil that it was a one time thing. He has a pattern of using and unlocking the key to that pattern before law enforcement gets involved is not a challenge for the weak of heart.

    Great grades, high achievement in sports, Emily Post manners, outstanding achievement potential make it more difficult. The parents feel like they have been hit in the head by a sledge hammer and want "the" answer. There is no such thing. There are, however, answers for some of our teens if you luck into finding the right counselors, programs etc. for your unique child. Start
    researching and maintain the aura of a loving parent in control of themself even though inside you may be a jumble of emotions including anger. Best of luck. You have found a place where many of us have walked in your shoes and we are always hear to listen and offer support (often not the same suggestions but always sincere). DDD
  7. Frazzledmom

    Frazzledmom Guest

    The Partnership for a Drugfree America has actual scripts to use in situations like this. It's a great site with tons of resources. I'm sorry I don't have the link right now but it will pop right up if you google it. Good luck.