Hi,
My name is Lia and if you look at my signature, you will see that we lost our son Alex, on April 23, 2006. We were sleeping, blissfully unaware while my son died in our basement. He died from complications that arose from using heroin, it is our belief that the heroin was tainted with fentanyl which is 80% stronger then morphine.
I have to agree with Midwestmom that your son is most likely involved with other drugs other than pot. I don't want to scare you, but parents are usually the last ones to know the depth of our own kids drug use. I realize all stories are different, all families and teens are different however, when they start using the heavy drugs, they all start acting very similiar to each other.
I see many red flags in your story, many of the same red flags that were waving at my house. The stealing is probably the one that is most troublesome. I have never known a kid to steal to buy pot, especially from their parents. I don't believe most kids want to steal from mom and dad, they do that when they get desperate. I don't believe pot makes most kids desperate, they can always make a phone call and find pot to smoke with one of their friends. They get desperate when they are doing drugs that they need to do to feel normal.
You also are noticing bad sneaky behavior, he's in trouble with the law, weird items in his room, the tool thing doesn't sound like something you smoke out of, you mentioned there is a straw attached? Straws are for snorting. Period. Tissue that smells like solvent? You don't use any of that for pot. You said your son looked awful, he's pale and has circles under his eyes. (not sleeping?) Like I said, all families and situations are different, but if you really take a look at all that is going on, you may see that you have a reason to believe he is doing something else.
It is my opinion that you find out what drugs he is on before you invest your money into a TBS. I believe you will be throwing your money away if he has a drug problem. He needs to get a grip on the drugs before he will get anything out of a TBS. If you find out he is using heavy drugs, my only suggestion would be an inpatient rehab/treatment center for teens.
I'm not trying to tell you that your son is using hard drugs, but I would definitely get him to take a drug test. I hope with all my heart it is only pot. Not that pot in it of itself isn't bad, but it certainly can be dealt with easier than the hard drugs.
I do wish you all the best with your son, and come here often to vent, there are so many of us that have gone through this and can help you deal with this. You always can come here and talk when you cant go to your friends, who all have kids that might not be facing these issues. You are not alone here. I think we are a wonderful support system for each other, and I hope you find the help you are looking for. He is only 15, so you still have ways to go.The moms here are so knowledgeable I know I wouldn't have made it through those hard years without this board. They helped me become a warrior mom so I could be tough when I needed too. I just wish we couldv'e had a happy ending. I will share my story because I hope that something in it can help you.
A short synopsis of our story:
I always knew that my son was smoking pot, I even believed that he tried other drugs, never, ever, would I have suspected that my son was using heroin, Never.
But the red flags were waving, the stealing, the horrible behavior, the running away,the complete disrespect of our family, the weight loss, the horrible performance at school. The heavy drugs turned him impossible to live with, he was awful and we fought all the time. He ended up in juvy for several weeks for domestic violence when he pushed my husband out of the way when my husband was blocking Alex's way out the door. We didn't have to call the cops but we were desperate for help. They drug tested him at juvy, only pot showed up. He later told me he had no idea how only pot showed up. Well he did get off with a slap on the wrist. We were hoping for some sort of placement for him. We had no idea that the reason things were so bad is because he had turned to hard drugs, (not sure if it was heroin yet) Over a year after his juvy stay, things were still very difficult, but he was much nicer to us at home. Around middle of Feb. 06. I got a phone call from a crackhead father of one of his friends, he used to let the kids party at his house. He told me Alex was doing heroin in his garage and stole a camera. He told me he has been doing this for months. I confronted Alex, he vehemently denied it. I believed Alex, after all this father was a lying cheating drug addict himself. A couple of weeks after that, I overheard Alex on the phone telling a friend he was doing heroin several times a day. I made an appointment at a drug treatment center, he took off.
On March 22nd, (one day after his 17th birthday) I came home from work at 4 pm to Alex still in bed, he was sick and he was bad. I knew then that he was trying to get off heroin. I stayed with him pretty much for the next 24 hours, to tell you it was awful is an understatement. I finally could do no more for him so I took him to a hospital, they sent him to a rehab, they gave him suboxone. He got clean. He was so amazed at this drug. He could stop taking heroin without the withdrawls. I drug tested him once a week. He was still refusing further drug treatment, he thought he had beaten it. His counselor told him if it was that easy, then there would be no heroin problem, but you can't force a person into rehab, they have to agree. I did tell him that I was so proud and glad that he stoppped using, that I wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to him. He looked at me and said, "Mom, I've had a great life"
April 22nd 06, my husband and I came home to Alex and the girls across the street(good girls, I was glad he was hanging out with them) They were all getting ready to leave, I asked where they were going, the girls looked at me and said to my house, to watch a move, I thought "cool, I can go to bed and not worry" Except the girls went to their house to watch a movie, Alex left with a couple of guys that either brought or took him to get the heroin. He was home by midnight.
He relapsed that night a couple of hours after we got home, in the basement of our house,at his computer.My husband woke up in the middle of the night and checked on the boys, that's when he found Alex, and our new nightmare just begun.
I know I just typed a ton and probably gave you way more then you wanted or were even ready for. My mainpoint is we were completely blindsided. Until he admitted it, I would have never have known. We only knew for maybe 6 weeks (from the time I overheard the phone call) that Alex was using such a dreaded awful drug.
I'm sorry you are struggling with your son.
I hope you can get him to agree to a drug test, or getting help, or anything that will help him become the 15 year old he should be.
(((((HUGS)))))
Lia
and realized that nobody directed you to search for a dual diagnostic residential facility that addresses substance issues as well as mental health issues (like ODD, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) etc...not extreme disorders). A couple of CD families found such facilities that worked out beautifully for them. There is appropriately
blushing: I'd scream and kick all the way, by the way) I would find a dual diagnosis. program and find a way to afford it. Some CD parents took out sizable 2nd mortgages to finance their difficult child's
