Fran...where are you? Suz...where are you?

Fran

Former desparate mom
It's so good to hear from so many of you that I remember. I think I came here when older difficult child was about 10 or so and he'll be 30 this year!!!! Can't believe it. You all helped me get him raised and watched while my easy child turned into a difficult child too. Older one is doing great now. Younger one not so much but it could be worse
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I took my ailing 98 yo mother into my home a little over a year ago and nursed her through her bout with cancer; she passed on July 31. Then I took a short term nanny job; sold my house to younger difficult child; packed my stuff and moved to Omaha Nov. 30. I love my apartment and I think it will be good for difficult child 2 to have me farther away. Started a new nanny job on Monday. I don't quite know how to act with 2 "normal" kids to look after. It seems like a good position and I only need to work a couple of years to pay off some bills. Now if I can only get difficult child 2 on the road to normalcy, things will be perfect - LOL!!!

Today I had my coffee in my last remaining "I love my HMJ" mug. Really enjoyed the time in spent in Vegas with some of you. You all really are family to me so even though my difficult children are grown, I still check in here fairly regularly.

Thanks for helping me keep what little sanity I have for all of these years.

Mutt, I can't remember whose preschooler who came up with "hot mama juice". I haven't thought of that in a long time. Congratulations on all grand children and new chapter in your life as a nanny.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
It's wonderful to hear everyone's updates. I too came here about 15-16 years ago and darn it if I'm not still here...but different. My difficult child is now 22 and living with her boyfriend and his 5 year old daughter who is really adorable. After just squeaking through high school she got herself kicked out of college, went through a substance abuse program, relapsed, went to sober living and finally on her own. Over the past three years we have healed and grown closer than we ever have been before. Maturity and responsibility has set in and I am cautiously optimistic. She will always struggle, works a minimum wage job at a doggie day care but loves it and has always been a natural around animals. She now understands just how foolish she was to ruin her opportunity to go to college and have a career and tells us she has many regrets over that among many other things. Her boyfriend is an OK guy but has very low ambition and very much in debt from foolish choices he made in his early life and I believe he is an alcoholic. difficult child is by far the most responsible person in that relationship. We worry about her and we help with groceries and gas money but we are relieved she is living in the real world and at least for now she seems to be making good choices.

My easy child is a kindergarten teacher and lives on her own only about 2 miles away so we get to see her often. She is still looking for her soul mate and really wants to settle down but is finding it harder to meet guys who want more than just partying or hooking up. husband and I are enjoying our empty nest, husband still enjoys what he is doing and while I think he would like to retire in the forseeable future he is not at that point yet.

I am involved in a family support group for substance abuse that I found when difficult child was going through the program. They are a wonderful group of people and even though I am no longer in an active abuse situation with difficult child, substance abuse has become my cause and we do what we can to support the treatment centers in our area and work with our leaders to stop the heroin problem and prescription overuse in our area.

Like all of you this board has been my sanity for so many years. I do have the gift of appreciation and I see things in such a different light now. After walking through the fire that we all have done you can't help but be changed. I love and appreciate everyone here for so many reasons.

Nancy, how amazing that easy child is 27. I bet she is an amazing K teacher. Being with a support group must give you some comfort. I know you are a great comfort to those who are struggling.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
What a wonderful thread! It warms my heart to see that we go through that long long tunnel of heartache and come out at the other end, and can get on with living our lives (plus/minus). I wish it for everyone.

Love, Esther
Esther, I can't believe how warm and comfortable it is to remember the good people here who were so good to each other. The ugliness of difficult child life is fading but the heart of the people on this site sticks out in my mind.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
It saved mine, too, Ester. :)

My difficult child is now 20. He graduated high school and is working. Treading water, but hanging in there. Ex and mine's separation and divorce put him in a tailspin he's still recovering from.

I'm worn out and used up but starting to catch my breath and put me back together. :)

Great to see that the oldtimers did survived and even thrive. We've seen oceans of water run under the bridge. Great to see that others have stepped in to help new(er) members keep from loosing their minds.

Hope the New Year is the best ever for all.


Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders

Sheila, I think of you and your difficult child. I always hoped he would grow whole with your undying love. I hope your parents are still well and you continue being the most amazing strong woman. Hugs
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
by the way, you both have my caring thoughts regarding the eye issues. I am a wimp and just had cataract surgery. That's nothing compared to you two but I've been discombobulated. Hugs, DDD

DDD you may be a wimp about your eye but you are an amazing warrior grandmother.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
I think I've been here for 10 years now. Even though my Duckie is a minor difficult child in many respects, I'm glad I stayed. I believe that the guidance and support I have received here has definitely made things better.

TM, has Duckie ever had an allergic reaction like the time where her ankles and feet swelled up?
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
Saved my sanity for sure!!!


Such great friendships.....online....who knew??!!?? I had no idea at the time that you all would have such an impact on me and my difficult child.

Thank you all!!!!

sent from mobile phone
 

Sunlight

Active Member
It is wonderful to read all your updates! Brings back so many memories of a shared life, coping with Ant's antics. Many long nights on the computer, and I still have the printed out notes from so many here and some who moved on...when they all wrote to encourage my son when he was in reform school and needed to get "bull" status in order to come home for Christmas. I mailed all that to Ant, and he kept them in his box at school, and they are now in a box in his old room. I recall you all comforting me when my son became a police officer and Ant stole my car the night of his graduation from police academy, making me go the party in Ant's old beater.

Oh the stories I recall! Ant has been married now for a couple years and they live in the house they bought. He has 4 kids to three different women and I am close to all the women and kids. I joined here 15 yrs ago. He is almost 31.

Ant has been through 3 jails and state prison for his 4 DUIs, but has not been in any trouble now since he got out over 5 yrs ago. I cannot believe he is alive, let alone sleeping in the same bed every night.

I have a peace-filled life of retirement with my boyfriend of ten years. We got engaged in August, but I am still marriage-shy, so this might be a long while yet, if ever I marry again. We are both comfortable. Again....thanks for all the memories!
 

Estherfromjerusalem

Well-Known Member
It is soooo good to see you, Antsmom, and great to read your update. Amazing to hear about Ant's progress. It will give hope and encouragement to everyone who went through those years with you.

Love, Esther
 

Sunlight

Active Member
Thanks, Esther and DDD. It is good to see you as well! There is nothing more heartwarming than longtime friends who understand and walk the walk with you.

I wonder if it not so much about Ant's progress, as it is about his getting older, having an extremely patient and kind wife, and running out of options. It has slowed him down.

He will always be a horse of a different color. I think a lot changed in his and my relationship when I withdrew from being his safety net. He was old enough, and I was worn out enough to stop running and rescuing.

I accept that he has a right to live his life however he chooses, and I have that same right as well. I choose peace. His life may very well include turmoil at times, but I am not along for the ride if and when that happens. As some have said, I would not wish this on anyone, would never want to go through it again. I am thankful for my faith and friends.
 
Wow, so good to hear from many of you who helped me thru the toughest part of life. Sweet Betsy is now 25, I joined when she was 12. It's hard to believe somehow. Quick rundown....lots of drugs, hospitalizations, jail time from 13-23. Life was hell and no matter how hard we tried to help her, nothing mattered . She finally got sober,on her own time, in her own way, 2 years ago. She has a beautiful daughter, Contessa, who just turned a year old. She goes to therapy twice a week, once with SO, and once for herself. She is doing the terribly heartwrenching, difficult work of becoming whole, dealing with the issues that caused her unhappiness, behaviors,and addictions, head on. I have never been more proud of her. She is a joy to be around, a wonderful mother, and a connected part of our family again. The fact that she is alive, is a miricle in itself. WIthout the guidance and support from all of you here, that might not have been the case.

I will always be grateful for this board and the wonderful friends I made here. You were all here, morning, noon and night, to guide me, to comfort me and to encourage me to go on. Amazing.

I still lurk and still pray for each and every one of you. It's great to hear the success stories. You will always remain in my heart.

Blessings to All!
 
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Fran

Former desparate mom
What a wonderful thread and hearing from so many folks I haven't heard from in such a long time has been wonderful. Antsmom, what a walk down memory with you and ant. Mrs. McNeer, another that I have such fond memories of. I do miss Kris and Joybells too.
 

Sunlight

Active Member
Hi Mrs. McNear! How is Lincoln? Congrats on lil miss Contessa! Hi there, Fran...I recall having the pleasure of meeting you and Suz in person! You sure were an anchor for so many here during your time at the helm!
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
Thanks ant'smom. We had a lovely meal if I remember. The site was my lifeline too. I miss it but the newer guys are doing a great job.
 
Hi Antsmom-
Lincoln is well. He has been living in NC with his dad and step mom for the last 4 years. We haven't seen him in 3 years, as his dad refuses to bring him to Illinois for a visit. Betsy has been trying to get at least visits with him, with no luck. She will have to go to NC to get anything done, and hasn't had the funds to do so. Hopefully, this will be resolved soon, as we all miss him so much. Thanks so much for asking. Good to hear from you.
 

Mattsmom277

Active Member
Love this thread ... so nice to see all of the updates from old timers! I remember joining in 1999 around the time easy child was born. difficult child is now about to turn 21. He was across the country working and living with his girlfriend for 2 years. Came home to me for a few months and at that point turned a bit difficult child again. I pushed him gently out the door this new year, and he found a new job in days and a apartment. He is doing well, and other than a few months reverting to his bedroom here with me and his xbox and laziness, he has become very driven and hard working, respectful and loving.
My S/O and I broke up, 10 years together. His drinking cropped up again and I wasn't dealing. easy child and I live in a new town, and are settled into our "bachelorette pad". She is 14 now, about to turn 15 in a few months. She came out a cuple years back, and has settled in at a great school as a arts major, which is pretty neat for her and our old town didn't have a school such as this with "majors" for high school.
I have a new starting relationship with a good man. He makes me laugh and smile and we are taking it slow but enjoying the journey so far.
I'm returning to school for the third time this fall. I was diagnosis with MS some years back and many old options aren't available to me anymore. I am dealing with cervical cancer but hoping it hasn't spread. Surgery next week after it was postponed recently.
I'm happy and content and so glad to see such great updates from so many old familiar folks!
 
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