frazzled and worried

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by arianel, Apr 29, 2011.

  1. arianel

    arianel New Member

    Hi, I'm new here ... lots of questions, but one is uppermost in my mind right now. My son is ADD and in 10th grade. We live in a European country which, unfortunately, is still in the dark ages where ADD is concerned, and no services whatsoever are offered in his school, so am having to figure things out as I go along. He is doing reasonably well in school, but it takes a huge amount of time and energy on my part to make sure he keeps up with his work. Left to his own devices, he simply will not study .. in fact he goes to elaborate lengths to avoid it, not only lying about what he has been assigned, but even doctoring assignments with white-out and cut-and-paste, and taping together pages of textbooks, to make assignments appear shorter. On several occasions recently he has cut classes, and has tried covering up by lying and forging notes. He has an explosive temper, and when caught lying or evading he often throws things and makes threatening remarks to me (although he has never hurt me.) I have read several books on teens with ADD and have tried things they suggested to de-fuse homework battles ... contracts, rewards & incentives, etc. Nothing has worked, although I have at least learned to control my own temper. But I feel constantly exhausted and worried that things will spin out of control. I feel like we are stuck in a dynamic where the harder I push, the harder he resists. I went to a psychologist here who has some experience with ADD. I asked her what would happen if I simply backed off and let him take the consequences of his refusal to study. She said he would probably flunk and would be held back a year. I would appreciate any thoughts /suggestions on this.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome -

    We found that medications has helped our difficult child concentrate. He went from homework battles to getting off the bus and doing his homework the moment he got home ON HIS OWN. That was his idea (I would have let him take a break and do it later if he wanted to).

    He has a motto of doing only what is needed to get by and uses packets that are suppose to be done daily as a study tool for the big tests. So instead of doing his daily work, he waits until the night or two before the test (or most likely in study halls) to complete them. However, with A's and B's it is working for him. He has learned to organize his time to know when he has a study hall to complete something.

    Has whoever diagnosed your son with ADD given any suggestions for medications? My difficult child states the medications reduces his "weird" feelings of not being able to concentrate.

    Pay attention to possible side effects and ask lots of questions. We found that the medication difficult child is on will reduce appetite. That is not a good thing for my tall lanky guy so we asked to work around that (shorter effective medications that wear off before lunch and can be taken again after lunch).

    Not every kid responds the same with medications. What works for my difficult child may not work for yours. It sometimes takes lots of trials and errors to decide if medications are right for your child and if so which ones. Follow your heart and mommy instincts about this - you have to feel it is right and if the docs can not explain a medication to your comfort level feel free to decline.

    If you would like to continue without the medications, hopefully more replies can offer some options. Is Summer school or tutors during the summer an option for you? If you find the right person that difficult child feels good working with that might help.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Where are you from? Maybe somebody from your country chats here or is lurking and can help you with resources.