Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by recoveringenabler, Mar 30, 2015.

  1. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member


    This has been my experience.....more and more space, more and more freedom.......letting go is so hard, and has many rewards.......
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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    It's like jumping off a cliff...letting go...incredibly scary and incredibly freeing once we finally get the courage to jump.

    Jumping leaves everything and everybody else behind. It's just us, finally, free.

    We are unhooked from everybody. Everything.

    We are empty.

    Then, we can be filled up with new, good things. Things that are for us.

    Culture works against us, love works against us, other people and the endless list of "shoulds" work against us, even our very instincts work against us ever getting here.

    If we unhook from everybody and everything, then who are we?

    So many scary questions to face before we jump. But once we even start to stand at the cliff and look out, oh my, we get a glimpse of what is to come, if we can only take the next step.

    I hate heights. They really scare me. But by jumping, I have found true peace and true freedom and now, that desire for those two things propels me on to greater understanding and greater peace.

    I haven't truly left anybody behind, I have found. I have circled back to them now, a much healthier person than I was before. Still struggling of course, but oh so much better.

    The whole cycle is truly amazing.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Beautifully stated COM. Thank you.

    My brother is a pilot and one time years ago I was going flying with him in a small plane. As he was doing the 'pilot check' before takeoff, we were tethered to the ground by cables as the plane was idling and he was doing his check outside. I was in the cockpit and it suddenly occurred to me that I was like the plane, idling and ready to go, but tethered with responsibilities, real or imagined, to the ground, going nowhere...........I have always remembered that moment and the clarity with which that info came flying through...........

    For me, that sense of responsibility for others was tied to my self worth and letting that go and taking that leap was filled with all sorts of trepidation, FEAR. However, in the past couple of years, I have been untying those cables one by I feel like I'm on the runway, about to take flight........

    Yesterday, another one of those cables, perhaps the last of the larger ones broke free. In an exchange with my granddaughter, she expressed her knowledge that I was always "helping" people and she knew it was who I was and a result of my own background, but that she needed to do things her way and make her own mistakes.........she said she is so appreciative for everything I've done for her, but's time for me to let go...........

    I could feel something inside release as she said that. It was a very real POP............and another cable untied.........

    Empty is a powerful place to be, it is filled with possibilities, opportunities, wonder, awe, openness, freedom, space, lightness and love.......

    That is my only quest now COM, no longer "absorbing the deficiencies of others" as my last therapist so aptly put it.

    The sense of freedom is profound, exhilarating, a tad scary, but oh so much better than all that control............flying free...........I'm ready.............