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Parent Emeritus
From bad to worse...much, much worse.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 655511" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Lil, BELIEVE ME, your son is not gone. He wants you to FEEL that way so that YOU will crawl back and do all the changing, take all the responsibility, feel the guilt, feel the need...feel the dependency.</p><p></p><p>So that he can feel a little bit of power. They try to make us feel smaller than do they. But it doesn't work. Only momentarily.</p><p></p><p>The only way they can feel real power is through competency. The competency to treat others well. The competency to take care of their needs.</p><p></p><p>You did not lose your family. First, Jabber is a saint. (OK a large saint.) Second, your son needs you to be strong, to not fall apart because he does not meet your vision of what YOU need him to be. He cannot be that right now.</p><p></p><p>He needs you to not crumble. He also needs you to not make this into the hugest catastrophe in the world. Because it was not. It was DRAMA. (And Jabber in his work does not need drama. Trust me. What a guy. How he must love you, Lil. Come through for him.)</p><p></p><p>Lil, forgive me, please. I am talking to both of us. These men in our lives need us to be strong and to get it together. Jabber needs you. Your son needs you to CHILL.</p><p></p><p>When your son calls and says, Mom, I've lost everything....has he? NO. When you feel the same, Have you? NO. Feelings. Nothing more than feelings.</p><p></p><p>You are okay. Ninety five percent of the people on this board have had multiple cop scenes, I would guess. Oh? You don't want us as your reference group? Sorry. You've got us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 655511, member: 18958"] Lil, BELIEVE ME, your son is not gone. He wants you to FEEL that way so that YOU will crawl back and do all the changing, take all the responsibility, feel the guilt, feel the need...feel the dependency. So that he can feel a little bit of power. They try to make us feel smaller than do they. But it doesn't work. Only momentarily. The only way they can feel real power is through competency. The competency to treat others well. The competency to take care of their needs. You did not lose your family. First, Jabber is a saint. (OK a large saint.) Second, your son needs you to be strong, to not fall apart because he does not meet your vision of what YOU need him to be. He cannot be that right now. He needs you to not crumble. He also needs you to not make this into the hugest catastrophe in the world. Because it was not. It was DRAMA. (And Jabber in his work does not need drama. Trust me. What a guy. How he must love you, Lil. Come through for him.) Lil, forgive me, please. I am talking to both of us. These men in our lives need us to be strong and to get it together. Jabber needs you. Your son needs you to CHILL. When your son calls and says, Mom, I've lost everything....has he? NO. When you feel the same, Have you? NO. Feelings. Nothing more than feelings. You are okay. Ninety five percent of the people on this board have had multiple cop scenes, I would guess. Oh? You don't want us as your reference group? Sorry. You've got us. [/QUOTE]
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