from bad to worse

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Well, husband and I went to visit easy child in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). husband the idiot told easy child to "man up", well the 15 yr old kid told husband to "man up'. husband was mad and began yelling in a whispering vioce that he was going to have big problems with husband when he gets out of here. (husband doesn't beleive in any type of therapy, either you're gonna make it, or you're not) OH God, I couldn't believe this, he's 15!!! He's got enough problems! So, easy child pointed to the door and told us to get out. We left and husband said easy child'sproblem is he needs to be beaten-and this is all because he's never been beaten! AND it's all my fault. ((?)) I told husband if he touches him, he'll be in jail! Then on the way home, we stopped -and I didn't know it- but husband called easy child, and easy child hung right up. Tomorrow is the family meeting thing.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    That's the same kind of reaction we got from easy child's dad. He wouldn't even talk to the therapist to find out what's going on. Fortunately, he's 600 miles away and I just quit telling him anything.

    I really hope husband learns something in the family meeting. Hopefully, the therapist (or whomever runs the meeting) will tell husband like it is.

    So sorry.

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Nothing demonstrates the differences between the sexes more than the raising of teens. Yikes. It is so very very rare that Dads can travel past the concept of thinking " a good trip to the woodshed" will solve the problems. It's kinda like a face off of Alpha dogs!

    I'm hoping that your husband will be "man enough" to deal with the serious problems like an adult. Getting on the same page is the ideal way to cope with the issues. Pretending to be on the same page is probably more common.

    Maybe your husband will understand that youngsters need to believe that their family unit is a strong united front to guidance, support and role modeling.

    Fingers crossed and a prayer floating your way. DDD
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    This is horrible.
    Is this bio dad?
    What a moron. A beating?

    I am so sorry for this. I just don't get the mentality these men have that a beating will solve it all.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Man up?

    Oh gosh, Alyssa. I'm so sorry your husband has decided to go Neanderthal on your son. ARGGHH!!!

    I will hold a good thought that family therapy opens his eyes.

  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Boy, that sure helps the entire situation! NOT!!!

    Ugh big time.

    Let us know how tomorrow's meeting goes.

    I am sure your stress level went up a few notches of ten steps at a time. Try to find a way to relax tonight - you need to recharge.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    So sorry husband is being such a toad. Hope you get some rest tonight, and the meeting tomorrow goes smoothly. Sending prayers and hugs.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, good heavens. Why does ANYONE think that way???? Have you considered serious marriage counseling? I'm afraid that this man is going to make your son even worse when he comes home. Is he the biological father? If not, has he always been this way with your kids?
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Alyssa, I've been thinking about this.

    Last night I hosted an early Christmas get together for family. Rob saw his biosister for the first time in September in 9 years. He has his challenges and she has hers. She is on full disability and receives a lot of assistance. She was so thrilled to see him that I guess she now calls him sometimes up to 8 times a day (!).

    Sorry, I digress.

    Anyway, you should have heard him last night. "She needs to get a job." "I've had to ____ it up and so should she." yadayadayada.

    Do you think this attitude is a "guy thing?"

    Needless to say, we had a *conversation* about his lack of empathy, etc.

  10. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    We're back from the family sesion. To answer any questions husband is the bio father. husband has never, ever laid a finger on easy child. In fact easy child has never, ever, even been punished. Generally easy child is the boss, and tells us what's what and we bend over backwards to appease him. It's ok, he's a good person and there would never even be a reason to yell at him, much less punish him. We love him, he's very moral, and doesn't cause us a moments worry.

    The family session was mainly about easy child and husband's relationship. And how husband and I have to be on the same page. easy child 's complaint against us was that we threatened him with taking the computer out of his room if he didn't do his homework. We have never actually done that, however. That is his main beef with us, it causes him stress. Also, once husband asked him to turn up the therostat and easy child didn't want to do that. He does agree it's ok for him to take out the trash once every other week. He shares that job with my other easy child.

    That was what we discussed. easy child seemed 10 times better, he was talking and told us the skills he learned for coping and what he'll do if he feels like this again. He thinks the medicine is helping.

    husband has been a mess. He's started smoking, which he hadn't done in years. Last night he told me he would never hurt easy child. Although I'm sure last night those words hurt him. We need family counseling, and we'll do whatever is recommended. husband and I have been together since high school. Generally, until today his attitiude toward anyone needing counseling, thereapy. etc.. is they were a weak person. I think alot of people have this attitude, men more than women. Also more men are reluctant to seek help for themselves I think, thinking they are weak.-Alyssa
  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    DDD, you said exactly what the counselor said. Thank you everyone for the good thoughts.
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    So? I'm guessing this is not just my husband's response then?? :)

    But if mine could get over it.......And I really never thought he would......Yours can too. Just takes some drumming it into their thick skulls. lol And my husband has never ever laid a hand on any of the kids. He's not allowed, period.

    One very blunt chat with a doctor was enough to set my husband straight.