From Bad to Worse

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SleeplessIN, Jun 4, 2010.

  1. SleeplessIN

    SleeplessIN Guest

    Hi everyone. I found this site when I was researching ODD. Our difficult child is a 14 year old boy. He has always pushed the limits but is now out of control. He lies, steals, sneaks out at night, is very defiant, is disrespectful (especially in school) but he can also be charming, he's well liked by kids, he's funny. We believe he is using pot. Running with a totally different crowd. We've had him on a very tight leash, trying to make sure that he is doing what he says he is.

    Everything blew up on Monday when we suspected that he had pot in his pocket. husband asked him if he had anything in his pocket. difficult child said, "No". husband asked him to pull out his pockets so we could be sure. difficult child ran out of the house and ditched whatever he had. (Come to find out it was most likely money because I discovered $100 was missing). To make a long story short, difficult child ran away and we haven't got him back home yet. Filed missing persons/runaway report with police. We have been tracking him all around town but are always one step behind. His "good" friends don't know where he is. His "bad friends" are covering for him.

    He has absolutley no reason not to come home. We are loving and caring. We have a nice home on a lake and he is not deprived. We are not abusive (although difficult child thinks that not letting him do whatever he wants is abusive) My question is, when we do hopefully get him back home, what should we do? We don't think just taking him to counceling locally is going to help right now. We need to, before something terrible happens. We can't keep going on like this. I haven't slept in days. Wilderness program for the summer? Residential Treatment Facility? What's working for you? Thanks for listening. Any advice is appreciated.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Sleepless,
    Sorry things are so rough right now and I hope they find your son soon. Has he ever been diagnosed with ODD? There also could be more going on. I would recommend him having a neuro-psychologist exam. Also it might be a good idea to take him to see a child psychiatrist to see what he/she thinks.

    You've found a very soft place to land and will receive much support here-glad you found us but wish you hadn't needed to.
  3. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Welcome Sleepless,

    I agree with Wiped Out, if you haven't have him evaluated yet, do that first. At least that way you will know what you are dealing with for sure.

    As for a reason not to come home, the only one that keeps my difficult child's away is that they can't do as they please in our home. That's all the reason that they need. Mine are older now, but both of them left to live with their enabling Grandma in their mid-teens. It's hard when you feel like your hands are tied and you can't help your child.

    {{{many hugs}}}
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Some kids just don't do well in the traditional family setting. Some kids take more than 2 parents to raise them to be law abiding citizens. Step out of your comfort zone and think through what setting difficult child would do best in.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    From experience, if he is using pot and stealing, he is likely using more than pot as are his "bad" friends. I would surprise him with a home drug test, although it doesn't catch everything. Search his room. He's not home? Perfect time. He lost his right to privacy.

    Wilderness Camp is a short term fix that normally doesn't last. I do know some kids who have done better after Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Often though once they are back where their friends live, it's a battle again. We sent our daughter to another state to get her a fresh start and that worked really well. (((Hugs))).