From the heart

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nessie, Aug 25, 2018.

  1. Nessie

    Nessie Member

    my son has recently been sentenced to 3 years in prison, here are my thoughts

    1. I’m glad for the break, so needed it. I hear sirens and I know it’s not him.
    2. I’m ok with going home, this is new, I’ve feared going home for so long
    3. Everyone is safe and well, in his worst anyone could of been hurt or more
    4. No eggshells to walk on
    5. I miss him desperately

    So needless and such a waste xxxx
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Nessie

    I understand every word.

    I expect underneath his discomfort and possibly anger, he feels similarly.

    He can rest. He can sleep. He can begin to work. He can relax. He can feel his love for you. He can begin to heal.

    Be well. Take care. We are glad you are here.
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2018
  3. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Big cyber hugs to soothe your hurting heart.
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  4. EarthIsHard

    EarthIsHard Member

    Nessie, I'm sorry and glad for you at the same time. Hopefully you are close if you want to visit.
    Our son was in jail for 8 months at the longest stay. It was some of the nicest visits because it was limited, we knew he was safer than the streets, he couldn't leave, and he was forced to live semi normally.. sleep at night, eating in the day, and forced to exercise. Plus, after our visits we returned feeling safe in our own home. 1,2,3,4, check. 5 big check. Yes, missing these guys is tough. Seems like you'll have more peace for now.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi Nessie,

    It is such a mixed bag. My son has been in jail several times, the longest was for a couple of months. I always had mixed feelings. On the one hand it was hard to see him locked up and miserable. On the other hand I knew he was relatively safe, would have a harder time getting drugs, was fed and had a place to sleep. And the surprising benefit was he communicated more with us because he was so bored.... so we got more phone calls and letters than we do usually. And he would read a lot which I saw as a benefit. And I could sleep at night.

    So as hard as it... take this time to rest yourself.

  6. okie girl

    okie girl Active Member

    My son was in prison for 3 years. He would tell me tales about all the horrors he was seeing inside the walls, but I would just listen and take it with a grain of salt. I'm sure it was safer than being out on the streets homeless with his drug buddies. So don't believe everything he says. I was relieved when he was in prison. I could sleep and rest knowing I wouldn't get a phone call feeling sorry for his self in the middle of the night. My son is now out and was doing good for about 3 months but I can see some signs of his old behaviors coming back. I pray he will remember how much better life is sober. Love and hope. Hugs
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Nessie,
    What an upside down world we live in when our adult children are in jail and it becomes a respite.
    My daughter is in jail after going no contact for one year. First time.
    1. I know where she is.
    2. Three squares and a roof.
    3. Lots of time to think.
    4. Maybe a chance at treatment.
    5. Hopefully she will never want to be there again.
    I have missed her for a long time. Haven’t seen the real her in years.
    I hope and pray she and your son can discover their true potential.
  8. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Always. So much talent and intelligence WASTED in here on those who cant or wont appreciate what they have to offer and that the lifestyle they have chosen damages EVERYONE around them including themselves.
  9. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    Hi Nessie,

    It is indeed a messed up world when we experience relief that our child is sentenced. My son was also incarcerated for 3 years. I understand the respite and relief it gave me. I finally knew where he was, would receive phone calls and letters, could enter my home without fear and start creating a resemblance of a normal life for myself. What was ironic was I too joined the land of the living again. I hadn't noticed until I started to socialize again as previously I feared having anyone over or going out as I looking back was the one on 24 hour lock down. Didn't want friends over as they would see first hand the destruction of my home or feared he'd show up when they were there and thus may place them in danger. I feared judgement.....the list goes on.
    Then slowly I started doing things that gave me first there was guilt can I feel happy when my son is in jail? Eventually, I knew it my heart it was the best thing at the time. Yes, jail has it's own sorts of problems and please be careful how much money you send as sadly drugs do make it to jails for the right price. Overall it gives the addict a chance to recover and to mend broken relationships. I was able to finally talk to him via phone calls my perspective on his addiction whereas previously that was impossible.
    Nessie, I understand it will be difficult for you as well....yes, you miss him. Your letters and phone calls will be important to him. He will understand you have been there for him and continue to love him. Perhaps in our messed up lives this will be the light at the end of the tunnel - he will eventually understand that his choices brought him there and you have always stood in the wings waiting his return to the son you once knew. I will be thinking of you and your son.
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    There are certainly worse things that can happen than having our Difficult Child in jail.

    Only those here will understand that.

    You can take this time to heal and work on yourself. Don't feel guilty. This is his journey.

    This is another tier on the journey.
  11. OTE

    OTE Guest

    Mine has been in and out resulting in about 1/2 of his older teen/ young adult years being behind bars somewhere in the state. Currently in Fed out of state doing 9 5. The points add up. He didn't do anything new, more horrible, violent, etc. Points just add up.

    Do we all suffer? Absolutely. I miss him terribly. But like you and everyone said.. I know he's alive, has a better chance of living than if he were actively using heroin (his drug of choice), etc. In fact, his best friend was murdered last mo. Mine is taking it hard, many, many years of friendship. Nothing I can do to comfort him but what he asked... Make sure the family knows how much he cared.

    I send mine books, magazines, anything I can to improve the education he missed out on in HS while he was using. As hard as it is to find anything productive to do there, he does sign up for classes. Has taken truck driving, HVAC repair, personal trainer instruction, can't even think what else. He's learning Spanish through a barter arrangement with another inmate. But a broad exposure never hurt anyone. If only he would sign up for counseling...

    I too listen to the stories about how horrible it is. All I can do is listen. Knowing how mine can lie I don't always know if its true. I have called his case manager there a couple of times over the years if I had a specific concern. They've always been helpful.

    Yes, we suffer
    Lasted edited by : Aug 27, 2018
  12. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    - Don’t we don’t we miss them so terribly and love them so much and yet we question are we good people? We are all very good people we are all very caring people and just sometimes a person is the best place for them to be. Don’t we don’t we miss them so terribly and love them so much and yet we question are we good people? We are all very good people we are all very caring people and just sometimes person is the best place for them to be.

    I truly hope that your son finds in sight guidance and help while he spends his time in jail. Hang in there it’s a journey not a destination but as I said in an earlier post I sure hope there’s a lot of answers at our destination.