Frustrated and sad about school situation

[sadtiredconfused]

My son has ODD and possibly a mood disorder/bi-polar and he is 9 y/o and in 4th grade. Last week he was suspended and so while we were in for his re-admittance meeting they wanted to revise his IEP. The revisions changed him from being in Emotional Support 1hour of the day and regular ed 5 hours of the day to him being in Emotional Support for 3 hours of the day and regular ed 3 hours of the day. This new schedule starts today. I am so upset because my son is so upset about it. The biggest thing is that he will have to go to recess & lunch with 5th graders and he won't see his friends. The other thing he is very upset about is that his class does Reading Buddies on Tuesday afternoons with the Special Needs class and he has just gotten so attached to his little buddy. Now, he will be in Emotional Support during that time and will not have that opportunity. It just breaks my heart to see him so upset and sad and not be able to take part in something that he loves so much. My husband says I'm just being silly and over reacting but I sent my son off with tears in his eyes today because of this new schedule. Also, he hates the teacher in ES and I know that it is because he is very authoritative and my son hates all authority but I am just so worried about him. I don't want him to become depressed or at the very least even more resisitant to going to school. There is so little he looks forward to about it and Reading Buddies, lunch, and recess were about the only things he did look forward to, now they are taken away. I just needed to get it out somewhere where I know people are probably dealing with or have dealt with similar situations. If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement I could really use it now.

 

[DDD]

I'm sorry. It is heartbreaking when our children feel so low. My difficult child also had to make a similar adjustment and it was, truthfully, difficult. on the other hand he was able to "prove himself" and was weaned back to a schedule with only one ESE class. Perhaps if you son knows it can be temporary it might help him with the change Is it possible that he is well enough to participate in some new fun activity afterschool or on weekends so he doesn't feel so isolated? Sending caring hugs. DDD

 

[flutterby96]

No words of wisdom here... but {{hugs}}

 

[sadtiredconfused]

Thanks for the hugs ladies! I know it is going to be difficult for a while with him becaus any change in routine is difficult for him and always has been and he is real slow to warm up to new people so it's just going to be tough.

We explained to him when he went in to ES initially back in October that if he could prove himself on the behavior charts and show progress that he would likely only have to check-in with the ES teacher once daily and could be in regular ed but instead he is still trying to butt heads with the teachers and run the show so he has shown no progress in fact he's gotten worse. So, now he's in there for half the day and I did explain to him if he proved himself that at the end of the year we could re-open the IEP and next year he wouldn't have to be in there much and maybe not at all as long as his good behavior continued.

He has a problem with lack of responsibility so he just sees no connection in his behavior and the consequence which is why we have so much trouble breaking through to him. He thinks it's all the teacher's fault and that the ES teacher "just wants to torture him". He says the ES teacher "makes him get angry and explode".

So scary dealing with this mindset and just heartbreaking to see where it has gotten him already at 9 y/o. Im so scared of what other consequences for his actions I'm going to have to stand by and watch him go through!

 

[smallworld]

Is there any way he would be allowed to earn being with his reading buddy on Tuesday (with good behavior, perhaps)?

What kind of doctor diagnosed your son? Is he seeing a child psychiatrist for treatment? Is he in private therapy outside of school?

Is your son on any medications for his mood disorder? If so, what and what are the doses?

Welcome to the board. I'm glad you found us.

 

[flutterby96]

So scary dealing with this mindset and just heartbreaking to see where it has gotten him already at 9 y/o. Im so scared of what other consequences for his actions I'm going to have to stand by and watch him go through!

I feel the same about my 7yo difficult child. So hard to see them struggle @ such a young age.

 

[sadtiredconfused]

I'm not sure if he could earn it through good behavior or not. That's something maybe I can e-mail the teacher about. Thanks for the idea!

My son was tested both through the school and through a private therapist(licensed psychologist) and both sets of testing showed him to be ODD/possibly ADD but those symptoms overlap alot and I believe and the therapist does too the more time she spends with him that it is ODD that is his biggest problem. He has been seeing a therapist at this group since last April, so maybe about 9 months. The psychiatrist there prescribed him Straterra and I don't know the dosage off the top of my head and he isn't on it anymore. He tried it for 6 weeks and it had no impact on him one way or the other. Right now, just this week, we started giving him Omega 3 vitamins because I read that they could be helpful in children as a mood stabilizer. It's too early to tell if they will make a difference or not but he loves taking them and says he hopes they help him not be so mad. lol I figure they will only make him healthier if nothing else and at least he doesn't fight me over taking those.

I hope I answered all the questions, if not, just ask, I'll be on and off most of the day!

 

[smallworld]

With all due respect to the psychologist your son is seeing, ODD is not a helpful diagnosis. ODD is a description of a set of behaviors for which there is generally an underlying cause. When the underlying cause (for example, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, autistic spectrum disorder, learning disabilities, etc) is identified and treated, the oppositional behaviors typically subside. So it is your son's best interests to work as hard as you can to find out what is fueling his oppositional behaviors.

Your best bet is to have him evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Neuropsychologists can be found at children's and university teaching hospitals.

 

[sadtiredconfused]

Oh, thanks for the info! There are several university hospitals/teaching hospitals within a very short distance from where we are, so I will look into that! I agree it is NOT a helpful diagnosis at all because they just keep saying behavior mod is all we can do. We've been trying to modify his behaviors since he was 2 y/o with no luck and he'll be 10 y/o soon. He is about on the same emotional/behavioral level as my 15 month old sadly.

 

[Andy]

I would suggest talking to the school (without difficult child in earshot) and asking if there is ANY way the buddy reading time can be included in his classes. It is not that long and it really is a positive experience for your son.

 

[smallworld]

If he has anxiety, depression, a mood disorder or bipolar disorder, then the right medications can be helpful. Many children need them before they can fully access therapy. If he has a learning disability or he is on the autistic spectrum, then interventions are incredibly important to his treatment.