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<blockquote data-quote="believe" data-source="post: 671665" data-attributes="member: 19652"><p>Hi Gina.....I totally agree with childofmine...my story is oh so similiar.....get on it NOW.....I waited too long esp. when my son who is now 26 (started his downward spiral at about 16..pot first then many other substances were added along the way)...He was very good at hiding it and extremely good at manipulating me and looking back now I let it go on way too long ......I fell into the trap of enabling ...he would get another "new" job and make me all kinds of promises which because I so desperately wanted to think were true , I would then give him some "getting started money" or as he called it "just to get me over the hump money" all of which I'm sure now was spent on his "habits"...because after a few days, weeks, or sometimes even months that job would either be quit by him or get fired....this went on for 10 yrs.....as moms we want sooooo much to believe in our children but I see now that when they choose this path we have to let go and allow them to be on that path themselves...my son knows the door if always open to him to visit but he is 26 yrs old now and our decision is now to allow him to make it on his own....we all find our own way of navigating thru this and I always like to say that there is no one definite set way so my hope for you is that you find your way with your child.....not allowing my so n to live in my (his own home where he was raised) home anymore was the single most difficult thing I have ever done in all of my 65 yrs on this earth...but I read this statement on here just the other day "by helping them we are not helping them".....it resonated with me.....I HELPED for too long.....last I heard is my son has tested clean for any/all drugs and has a job at nite stocking shelves in a grocery store and is living in a halfway house with a group of guys.....I think for me taking myself out of the picture helped because I was definitely the "weak link"...the person he could manipulate.....it was hard really hard to do....sleepless nites...headaches....worrying all the time.....but I had to do it....will his clean drug status last??? I don't know..I can only hope and pray...the nite we made him leave he said to me "are you (me) prepared to let your son live in his car or on the streets? and I said no I'm not but I will because I love you that much.....we haven't talked hardly at all since....i'm sad but hearing that he is drug free for the first time in 10 yrs is worth it (and I heard this from his dad who took him to his counselor to get drug tested)....so one day at a time...I have learned that you can receive good news one day only to have it ripped out from under you the next so today so far is a good day...my heart goes out to you gina.....much love and support...this site has saved me and brought me back from the brink of despair...hang in there my friend...one day at a time...Believe</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="believe, post: 671665, member: 19652"] Hi Gina.....I totally agree with childofmine...my story is oh so similiar.....get on it NOW.....I waited too long esp. when my son who is now 26 (started his downward spiral at about 16..pot first then many other substances were added along the way)...He was very good at hiding it and extremely good at manipulating me and looking back now I let it go on way too long ......I fell into the trap of enabling ...he would get another "new" job and make me all kinds of promises which because I so desperately wanted to think were true , I would then give him some "getting started money" or as he called it "just to get me over the hump money" all of which I'm sure now was spent on his "habits"...because after a few days, weeks, or sometimes even months that job would either be quit by him or get fired....this went on for 10 yrs.....as moms we want sooooo much to believe in our children but I see now that when they choose this path we have to let go and allow them to be on that path themselves...my son knows the door if always open to him to visit but he is 26 yrs old now and our decision is now to allow him to make it on his own....we all find our own way of navigating thru this and I always like to say that there is no one definite set way so my hope for you is that you find your way with your child.....not allowing my so n to live in my (his own home where he was raised) home anymore was the single most difficult thing I have ever done in all of my 65 yrs on this earth...but I read this statement on here just the other day "by helping them we are not helping them".....it resonated with me.....I HELPED for too long.....last I heard is my son has tested clean for any/all drugs and has a job at nite stocking shelves in a grocery store and is living in a halfway house with a group of guys.....I think for me taking myself out of the picture helped because I was definitely the "weak link"...the person he could manipulate.....it was hard really hard to do....sleepless nites...headaches....worrying all the time.....but I had to do it....will his clean drug status last??? I don't know..I can only hope and pray...the nite we made him leave he said to me "are you (me) prepared to let your son live in his car or on the streets? and I said no I'm not but I will because I love you that much.....we haven't talked hardly at all since....i'm sad but hearing that he is drug free for the first time in 10 yrs is worth it (and I heard this from his dad who took him to his counselor to get drug tested)....so one day at a time...I have learned that you can receive good news one day only to have it ripped out from under you the next so today so far is a good day...my heart goes out to you gina.....much love and support...this site has saved me and brought me back from the brink of despair...hang in there my friend...one day at a time...Believe [/QUOTE]
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