frustrated difficult child taking it out on family

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    difficult child has a "friend", and I use this term loosely, who is not always very nice to difficult child. I'll call him A. The boys are the same age and they live 2 houses down from us. The boys have been on again/off again friends since they were very litte. From the way A's mom speaks, he too sounds like a difficult child. For quite a while now the boys have been playing an online video game. In order to all play together you have to be "invited into the party". It seems for the past few days, A will not "invite" difficult child into the game party. So now, difficult child can see and hear everyone playing but can't join in. Apparently A has either blocked difficult child or asked others to not let him in as well since difficult child says no one responds to him. ( truthfully, I don't understand how it works and when I ask, difficult child gets even madder). difficult child has called A on the phone and when the mom or sister answer and hand A the phone, he hangs up on difficult child. difficult child swears he has no idea why this is going on and I do believe him. As rotten as difficult child can treat easy child and husband and I, he is always nice to his friends. And, we have heard A being nasty to difficult child over the years yet we can not convince difficult child to not bother with him.
    The boys are on the same school bus and have a few classes together and difficult child says all is fine but when he asks A why he didn't let him join the game, he does not answer him. We even carpool with A since they both made a school team and A is very nice to difficult child in the car but again, ignores difficult child when asked about the video game. The last time this happened, I sort of mentioned it to A's mom who sighed and said she would try to talk to him but I can not keep doing this on difficult child's behalf. He is going to be 13 soon and has to realize there are just some people who are not nice and he needs to move on.
    I really feel badly for difficult child. He has loads of aquaintances, but no real friends. Although he plays on numerous sports teams and is involved in the honor society, he never seems to have anyone to call or invite over. He seems well liked on his teams from our observation and even teachers and coaches tell us so. I know difficult child prefers to be a home body and has told me in the past that he doesn't really care to have anyone over because he feels pressure to entertain them. Even as much as we try to encourage him to invite someone over, he doesn't. I think that is why he can't let go of A, even though he is not such a nice kid at times, he live right here so when they are done playing, they each go on their way.
    This online gaming system allows difficult child some sort of social contact outside of school and now he seems shut out from the group he as been playing with the most. This is making difficult child unbearable to all of us here at home! He is so angry and hurt and frustrated! We are all suffering because of this! I hope this passes soon.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    My difficult child also plays video games on-line. He gets frustrated when other players don't play as he expects them to. Usually because they are new and haven't figured out the game yet, can not understand the tactics, are a lot better than him (collage boys?) or just purposely do nasty plays that seem unfair (like not allowing an opponent to recoup before attacking again). Even though the boys are the same age, they would still have different play styles that can annoy each other. If your difficult child is more advanced in the game, the other boy may not want to play because he is not at that level. These games are frustrating playing against someone who is excellent. I wish I knew how to help. I do know that trying to make the other kid play will make things worse. Your difficult child can find on line kids who will play. The problem is that you will not know them and 13 year olds are too trusting to give out personal info. He should ask other acquaintances if they play.When my difficult child gets frustrated I tell him that the game is too hard and he needs to find a different game.Let me know if you find an answer. I know I can apply it to our situations also.