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frustrated....help....suggestions
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 540430" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I agree with Buddy's method, as it is something I found that worked best with Travis...........I tired to avoid using things he was super obsessed with as reward/punishment items. He had to behave well to get to do it, but using them as motivation usually just backfired. Actually, using anything as motivation backfired. It just simply did not work. Not even for rewards. Rules had to be firm (yet take into account his limits), consequences had to be the same every time and now, not later, if at all possible. Creating a daily routine and sticking to it (in order, not necessarily time wise) was a huge help with his behavior as those who are autistic thrive on routine........and heck, even kids who aren't do better with it. </p><p></p><p>Speaking as a child who had been abused, you're dealing with some very intense anger issues. Which is expected due to his history, anger can be acted out in so many many different ways. Is he working with a therapist who is skilled helping abused children? If not, then you may want to look for one. If he was the target child, and it sounds as if that was the case, it makes sense his issues are over the top more than his brothers........he has more to be angry about, his experience was more severe than theirs. </p><p></p><p>Taking things that don't belong to him can be for 2 reasons. 1. he may have issues recognizing personal space, which would explain why he believes it's ok for him to take everyone else's things, yet goes ballistic when they take his. (it's an autistic thing) It can take quite some time, creativity to teach them.......and it's not such a fun area. It was a huge issue in our home for many years. Travis was in his mid-late teens before it started to sink in, I mean really sink in. And 2. it makes him feel poweful, in control, not a victim. </p><p></p><p>We all do the best we can with what we know at the time. You removed your children from an abusive situation and got them help, that says a lot. Not one of us here is perfect, we've all made our own mistakes along the way. </p><p></p><p>As for his threats, ignore them. They're threats. You have police ect to back you up if necessary. </p><p></p><p>The books buddy recommended may prove to be a huge help. Many parents have found it to be so.</p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 540430, member: 84"] I agree with Buddy's method, as it is something I found that worked best with Travis...........I tired to avoid using things he was super obsessed with as reward/punishment items. He had to behave well to get to do it, but using them as motivation usually just backfired. Actually, using anything as motivation backfired. It just simply did not work. Not even for rewards. Rules had to be firm (yet take into account his limits), consequences had to be the same every time and now, not later, if at all possible. Creating a daily routine and sticking to it (in order, not necessarily time wise) was a huge help with his behavior as those who are autistic thrive on routine........and heck, even kids who aren't do better with it. Speaking as a child who had been abused, you're dealing with some very intense anger issues. Which is expected due to his history, anger can be acted out in so many many different ways. Is he working with a therapist who is skilled helping abused children? If not, then you may want to look for one. If he was the target child, and it sounds as if that was the case, it makes sense his issues are over the top more than his brothers........he has more to be angry about, his experience was more severe than theirs. Taking things that don't belong to him can be for 2 reasons. 1. he may have issues recognizing personal space, which would explain why he believes it's ok for him to take everyone else's things, yet goes ballistic when they take his. (it's an autistic thing) It can take quite some time, creativity to teach them.......and it's not such a fun area. It was a huge issue in our home for many years. Travis was in his mid-late teens before it started to sink in, I mean really sink in. And 2. it makes him feel poweful, in control, not a victim. We all do the best we can with what we know at the time. You removed your children from an abusive situation and got them help, that says a lot. Not one of us here is perfect, we've all made our own mistakes along the way. As for his threats, ignore them. They're threats. You have police ect to back you up if necessary. The books buddy recommended may prove to be a huge help. Many parents have found it to be so. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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