Frustrated!! Perfect Parents...of easy child's

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by emma123, Mar 14, 2008.

  1. emma123

    emma123 New Member

  2. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Huge hugs to you emma - don't be so hard on yourself. You made a mistake by slapping him - and remember you don't know what goes on behind close doors. All those "perfect parents" I am sure have at least yelled at there kids and more than likely hit them as well. We are only human and so are they.

    When I was growing up my mom made us go out and get our own switches off the bush. She never hit us out of anger - perhaps during the time it took us to go get our switch was the time she calmed down. She would then stripe our legs. We never bled but they sure did whelp up and you know what?? We respected her authority, we were "afraid" to get into trouble because we knew what would happen. My 2 sisters and I are not dysfunctional because of it - we are not on stage with Jerry Springer! I do admit that to this day I have issues with authority figures, I am afraid of them but is that such a bad thing?? I have never been arrested for anything. In this day and time if we were to switch our kids like that we would be under the jail.

    Sorry your going through all this - your a good mom don't beat yourself up.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello Emma,

    First of all, {{{{{hugs}}}}} for your hurting mommy heart.

    You made a mistake in slapping your difficult child, you have recognized your mistake and promised yourself not to do it again. You need to move on from that point, and stop beating yourself up. You cannot change the past, only the future, so take the lesson you have learned and apply it.

    Now, with regard to the way in which the neighbours are treating you...DO NOT let them make you feel ashamed of yourself. You can't control what others do, but you CAN control how you react to it. If you walk around hangdog, then people will assume that you have something to feel ashamed of, and they will assume that the rumours are true.

    If you walk with your head held high, then people may choose to dbelieve the gossip or not, but you are not contributing to their belief in it.

    Here's something to think about...
    My difficult child is currently in serious trouble with the law. He has a trial coming up in May, after which point, he may well end up in jail. And, the crime he allegedly committed took place at my neighbour's house. I mean right across the street. The police came, sirens blaring, cuffed him on our front lawn and dragged him off to the police station.

    BUT I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I DO NOT hang my head in public. I still go out and about, say hello to my neighbours--even the ones at whose house this allegedly took place--and they say hello back, even those neighbours.

    difficult child is responsible for his own behaviour and his own choices. I don't own those actions and I am not responsible for them. I have no reason to be ashamed because of difficult child's behaviour, because it's HIS behaviour, nott mine.

    Please don't torture yourself, or feel ashamed on your difficult child's behalf. People will figure out his game eventually. But if you carry yourself with pride, you will be counteracting the gossip, not feeding into it.

  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Big hugs to you! You are not alone! Miss KT does the same things, half truths, behaves perfectly everywhere else, so the other mommies look at me like I'm a raving lunatic...I agree with the others, just let it roll off your back. You're doing the best you can, hold your head up and march through your days.
  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Hi Emma and {{{{HUGS}}}} You've admitted your mistake, are sorry for it, and vowed never to do it again. So put it in the past and move on. There are too many things to deal with when you have difficult children to spend time and stress worrying about things you can't change. I think there are a lot of parents who have lost it with our kids, kids know exactly which buttons to push. And don't hang your head in public about any of what your difficult child has lied about to other people. You don't have to justify to anyone else what goes on in your house, you know the truth of him and your life, so look people in the eye and pleasantly say good morning and pass by. in my opinion our difficult children will eventually show their true colors to others, and then they'll know the truth of what you deal with without having to explain anything.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs. It's so hard not to worry about what others think. I've been there, many times. One question I have is, how do you know what difficult child told these women? Did they tell you, or did HE tell you? If it was difficult child, keep in mind that whatever he tells you is probably mean to push your buttons.

    Hang in there. You are a GREAT parent, doing the best you can under extraordinary circumstances. Those easy child parents have no idea what it's like to walk in your shoes.