Today is my easy child's 17th birthday, she is easy and happy. And first day of 8th grade for 13 difficult child. As usual,my anxiety started ramping up last wknd worrying about how this yr will go. He barely finished his summer math in time and problem did a book report without reading the book. Has not been on his vyvanse all summer, and I worry about him being difficult about starting it up. We have a mtg with the teacher tomorrow afternoon to set goals for the yr and turn in homework etc. I feel like I am gonna be sick about it all. Had ortho and cleaning today and they started him on rubber bands from top to bottom. I didn't pay attention to how they hook and after dinner when he had to do it himself he couldn't. Got very frustrated and cried, mad. He has a extremely low ability to handle frustration. I tried to help.didnt work. He locked his door and got mad in his room. Kicking the wall a bit etc. i listened at door and heard him muttering about being so stupid! I went in and he got mad again and every time I opened my mouth he said, I don't need your help. Over and over. so I left, got on Facebook and saw a friend had posted this quote from a website, guide speak.com about the law of responsibility: *** Responsibility - the ability to respond. Please note, not the ability to react. Responding is a conscious choice, reaction is an unconscious choice. You are never given anything you need for your healing, growth and evolvement that you can't handle. Challenges are sent to you to see if you have, or can develop, the ability to respond. The Universe respects you and honours you with opportunities, sometimes incorrectly seen as problems, to enable you to develop your responsibility - your ability to respond. You are not responsible for anyone else. Their ability to respond is also being tested. If you respond for them how will they heal, grow and evolve. You dishonour them by responding for them. Your true responsibility towards others is to empower them by encouraging them to grasp the opportunity presented to them so they have, or develop, their own ability to respond for their own issues. By taking responsibility for yourself you ensure that you are fit and healthy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. If you are in that space, fully fit and healthy, and you have surplus energy, then you may help others empower themselves to learn to be responsible. You are not responsible for protecting people from their feelings. Stand in your integrity and honestly express your feelings as you take responsibility for yourself. By honestly expressing your feelings, you allow others to grow in responsibility as they hear and then feel their reactions and responses to what you are feeling about them. By taking responsibility do not blame others or project your negative feelings onto others. Take total responsibility for your life. *** so I need to meditate on this because my kids whole life I have spent all my energy trying to avoid him getting mad or wanting to ease his frustration because I feel like for some reason his executive function of his brain does not operate the way other kids his age do. So I try to protect him from himself and protect me from his emotions because I think I'm terribly over sensitive and unable to handle confrontation and am basically failing him at many levels. sorry this was a rambler.dont know if it made sense to anyone.but I got it out.that is a start.