Frustrating day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We had a transition meeting today for the program that difficult child receives support from. It is supposed to be an 18 month program and difficult child has already been in it for 21 months. He is going to be dropped from the program because they do not feel he is at risk for out of home placement (hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at this point).

    The bad part of this is that this is the program that supports respite for difficult child. They will have the program run through March, I think so we should get two more weekends of respite. The respite is so important for husband, easy child/difficult child and me. Who knows? Maybe we'll be able to work something out with his current respite provider but I'm not counting on it. Also this is the program that provided for difficult child's summer camps. We will still send him to a few but not as many as he has had the past two summers.

    In addition to that, after school difficult child gets dropped off at my school. He was very upset because I was out of snacks-never mind that he was going to get a snack as soon as we got to his therapist appointment. He started screaming and swearing at me and there were still many people around-talk about embarrassing!

    Argh-I'm glad this day is over.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Obviously, they've never had him live at THEIR home... if he did live there, they'd probably change their position on this! :tongue:

    I'm sorry he embarrassed you, but that's not your fault.

    I hope you're able to make arrangements to still get those desperately needed breaks for everyone.

  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I hope something can be worked out with your respite provider. :(
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry this is getting cut- probably a funding thing playing out thru a shortage of services.

    I had one thought though- there are so many people out of work in various fields with various experiences. Maybe, since you have a couple of mmonths, you could start looking in places where people out of work are posting ads trying to find whatever they can and see if you can find a therapist who specializes in difficult child's, or a SW or something, who might be williing to provide respite care. Of course, you'd want to check out credentials and references and so forth but it might be worth a shot if you can't work something out with the current provider. Would you feel comfortable "training" the parent of a difficult child to trade respite weekends, if all else fell thru?
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sharon, I know this is unsettling news for your family. I hope you can work out something with his current respite provider. You all need the destress time. Hugs.

  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, I'm so sorry. I hope you can work out a solution. Hugs.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    I pray things turn out in terms of finding respite. I hate days like this and I hope to hear a better update tomorrow. Hugs, ML
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you everyone. The part that frustrates me is that they don't realize how he teeters on the edge so often. There is really no one close to us to provide respite. They've suggested finding a teacher friend who would want to help. While I have lots of teacher friends they all have their own families-I'm not about to ask for someone to help at that level with difficult child.

    Losing the respite will be huge as it has really helped us to deal with the day to day stuff of difficult child (knowing we get breaks eventually).
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wondering this morning what they based their decision on. Did they get feedback from respite family about his behavior while he was in their care? Have things been going really well there?

    Did they talk to his therapist and psychiatrist to hear about all the times you have been concerned for your safety (i.e., when he pushed you don't the stairs a couple months ago)? They understand about the volatility of easy child/difficult child vs difficult child relationship? I haven't heard much about how's he's doing in school - I'm hoping no news is good news.....

    It just doesn't make sense to me that these services be removed. Was this a normal scheduled update meeting or was this a specially called one? Just wondering if funding was an issue and everyone was being asked to reexamine services offered and make cut backs......

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The program is only suppose to be in place for 18 months and he has been in it for 21 months. They generally don't extend support beyond the 18 months. We were given an extension in October. We met again asking for another one.

    They have not talked to the psychiatrist or the therapist or respite. They talked with difficult child's case manager and me (I had to attend by phone).

    I did tell them about him pushing me down the stairs in November and how he was almost hospitalized in December. I also had to tell them that since we did a medication tweak he has not been very violent-shoving when he walks by-that kind of thing but no actual punching, pushing etc...

    Also told them about easy child/difficult child and difficult child's relationship.

    Apparently since January went with relatively no violence they do not see him at risk of being placed out of the home (their main goal is keeping children in the home).

    School has not been going great. difficult child is struggling big time in the afternoons and they are considering alternative placement half days. We told the committee this as well but that didn't seem to make an impact.

    I think funding is an issue although that is not specifically why the meeting was called-it was just his time.
  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon, I had fogotten that his time in the program was extended in October. I guess, as you said, it was time and his time was up.

    Since the goal was to keep him home, the goal was met. The summer programs that he has been able to attend the last two summers have been great. The respite for the family much needed. Did you ask if there were any other programs available that featured just respite?

    Sorry to hear that difficult child is struggling so in school. The afternoons were always the hardest on my difficult child. It's kinda like in the mornings they work so hard to keep the frustration and the anxiety down, then the stimulation of the all the noise and kids in lunch begins the downhill......I wonder if there is an option for him to have lunch quietly somewhere, or does he enjoy being with his buddies? Lunch was the time that started the ball rolling for my difficult child.....

    Hugs Sharon.