1. People who smoke pot outside. I have an anaphylactic allergy and can't go outside for 3 or more days after exposure
2. Extremely cold weather where I can't walk 5 minutes without fainting.
3. Extremely hot weather. Same reason.
4. People who smoke in the entrance of a store. Yeah, don't worry. I just LOVE the extra flavoring on my green peppers, ya jerk.
5. People who glare at mothers whose toddlers are throwing a tantrum instead of realizing the child's mom is a human being and either offering help or giving her some freaking privacy in her moment of stress.
6. People who have to price check every item in their cart against coupons, apps, flyers....and the cart has like 53 items in it. And I have to pick the kids up in ten minutes. Yeah, that's cool, I can wait.
7. Skinny girls who think they can give me advice about weight loss. Honey I've lost more weight three times over than you have on your entire body. Why don't I give YOU some advice?
8. People who make obvious observations about my looks. "Your eyes are yellow" "Your hair is so long!" "You have big boobs"....Yup, I've lived in this body for 37 years. I stare in a mirror every morning and wonder when Casting replaced the hot sexy young thang with the crypt keeper and even pre orange juice I am aware of what I actually look like. But hey, thanks for the update!
9. "You're attractive for a..." ethnic girl. Old lady. Young woman. Snob. Im not attractive, just almost attractive enough for you to forget you hate me and everyone like me. Almost.
10. People who talk out both sides of their mouth. "I'm not racist! I'm just saying most of those immigrants were black!" "Im not sexist! I'm just saying that skirt makes you look like a future rape victim!"
11. People who blurt embarrassing things about me to whoever will listen so they can feel big and controlling. It was very fun attending a church for a year and then having a guest minister point at me and say "the Lord is Good! Look, there is tomorrow, she lived on the streets (true) was a prostitute (untrue) and has no education (completely false) yet she has risen above!" Also super fun having a band pull out at the last minute by sending a group message to myself and all of my colleagues "I can't play this event because I was your son's social worker (11 years ago) and it would be a conflict of interests"
12. "Do you think if I was prettier he'd stop...(cheating, beating, doing drugs)"....yeah totally. His extreme mental health issues would just melt away if only your butt were smaller. How dare your big butt displace temporal reality so much that it turned a kind loving man into a drug addicted sociopath?
13. Faking mental disorders to get out of things. "I can't babysit because I have anxiety issues!!" "Darn. When I said babysit I meant watch over my hot cousin while he's drinking" ....anxiety instantly cured.
14. Constantly having to tell others how great you are. Like when I'm watching the food channel and someone is like "I've cooked for celebrities, I've cooked for Michelin star restaurants, I've cooked for space aliens ON THEIR SHIP!!! Just cook the food. I'm just here to stare at the delicious food, and don't really care if you served pate to the Queen or a dog last weekend, as long as you can make it now.
15. Parents who hit their normal kids in public, for acting out in the smallest way. If I don't get to hit my son while he's screaming, kicking me, and yanking things off the shelf to throw at me, you shouldn't be repeatedly striking a child repeatedly for whining that her feet hurt.
16. Narcissist parents. The ones who steal food out of their own children's mouths and roll their eyes every time you talk about their kid.
17. Liars who blame me for catching them, and then act all angry and hurt when it's obvious they're trying to sell me on the lie
18. Really long lists.
19. People speak only in commercials and quotes from TV shows.
20. Roommates who go to bed early and wake up at like 2am just to make an amount of noise no one human can make.
21. Clingy roommates
22. People who have seen my Instagram and fangirl/fanboy out and forget that @catniagara is an actual human who really wants to get out of here right now.
23. Kids who crawl into my bed and have to lay on my legs instead of pretty much anywhere else. Especially when they have lice.
24. Parents who yell at their kids at the table because I guess they think screaming aids digestion.
25. Lists with more than 25 points.
26. People who smoke in the doorway of the cancer ward forcing patients to walk through a gauntlet of smoke on their way to chemo.
Especially if they work there!
