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Substance Abuse
FURIOUS about this...now, what to do about it?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 7287" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, ugh! My youngest adoped daughter was supposed to have an open adoption with both of her bio. parents. Well, the birthmom got tossed from the picture when she promised daughter she'd be the flower girl at her wedding, and then she broke up with her fiance, never called us, never bothered to tell my little girl, and, when we called her, sort of brushed us off. We never wanted her around again. Bio. dad promised to throw a big Chuckie Cheese birthday party for her with all her birth relatives, and never did it. That was enough. She was very young, but she still thinks about them and I'm sure she'll try to contact birthmom at eighteen, and we'll help her. She's not a bad person, just spacey. She lives in the next state. The birthfather has been in jail for substance abuse and I don't know what will happen if she decides to meet him. The women in that family seem nice and hardworking, the men are all druggies. If your boy were younger, I'd turn them in, bio. parents or not. I wouldn't even hesitate. At his age, that won't stop him from seeing them and could cause all sorts of mixed feelings and confusion and anger at you. There's not much you can do now if he's nearly eighteen. I'll bet his birthfather considers himself his "real" father; most birthparents do. They don't really think of the child as your child. This is a generalization, of course, but that's been OUR experience and isn't uncommon. I just hope your son realizes that his birthfather is not really worthy of being his father or the father of the children he is raising. And don't bet the farm that he never thought about being adopted before. I think all adopted kids think about it and have to come to terms with it, even if they have loving families. Some cope with it better than others, but it's there. I wish I had more to offer than empathy and cyber-hugs. For what it's worth, I never think it's a good idea NOT to tell kids they're adopted. Somehow they always find out and are devestated that they are lied to. In this day and age, with the internet and open adoptions, I think you did the right thing telling him. Even my son that we adopted from Hong Kong knows where his birthmother is. It's not hard to find somebody or for them to find you and the surprise can hurt your relationship forever.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 7287, member: 1550"] Oh, ugh! My youngest adoped daughter was supposed to have an open adoption with both of her bio. parents. Well, the birthmom got tossed from the picture when she promised daughter she'd be the flower girl at her wedding, and then she broke up with her fiance, never called us, never bothered to tell my little girl, and, when we called her, sort of brushed us off. We never wanted her around again. Bio. dad promised to throw a big Chuckie Cheese birthday party for her with all her birth relatives, and never did it. That was enough. She was very young, but she still thinks about them and I'm sure she'll try to contact birthmom at eighteen, and we'll help her. She's not a bad person, just spacey. She lives in the next state. The birthfather has been in jail for substance abuse and I don't know what will happen if she decides to meet him. The women in that family seem nice and hardworking, the men are all druggies. If your boy were younger, I'd turn them in, bio. parents or not. I wouldn't even hesitate. At his age, that won't stop him from seeing them and could cause all sorts of mixed feelings and confusion and anger at you. There's not much you can do now if he's nearly eighteen. I'll bet his birthfather considers himself his "real" father; most birthparents do. They don't really think of the child as your child. This is a generalization, of course, but that's been OUR experience and isn't uncommon. I just hope your son realizes that his birthfather is not really worthy of being his father or the father of the children he is raising. And don't bet the farm that he never thought about being adopted before. I think all adopted kids think about it and have to come to terms with it, even if they have loving families. Some cope with it better than others, but it's there. I wish I had more to offer than empathy and cyber-hugs. For what it's worth, I never think it's a good idea NOT to tell kids they're adopted. Somehow they always find out and are devestated that they are lied to. In this day and age, with the internet and open adoptions, I think you did the right thing telling him. Even my son that we adopted from Hong Kong knows where his birthmother is. It's not hard to find somebody or for them to find you and the surprise can hurt your relationship forever. [/QUOTE]
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FURIOUS about this...now, what to do about it?
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