Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    M called today and asked if we would co-sign a lease for him and his friend. I felt more comfortable being able to lay it at the friend's feet and say "no, I'm sorry, I don't know your friend." I hate that he doesn't seem to have anyplace to go. I did look up some other places in similar locations and price ranges, and offer to pay the application fee for them, but I can't do that.
  2. helpme

    helpme New Member

    I also struggle with the dilemma of my biological offspring being homeless. But a few situation with a various friends of difficult child 1 recently opened my eyes to confirm that "we" as parents probably should not get involved.

    Situations like the DEA popping in and destroying an apartment and the landlord deaming the leaseholder financially obligated to restore the property, sexual assault and battery charges sometimes incurs charges upon the property owner or any parent acting in "supervision" wherever the crime occurs, and civil liabilities and damages occurring to neighbors due to any crimes made me rethink ever possibly finding myself "assisting" with housing related issues.

    It hurts, I know it does. But I think its very important that these difficult child's do not destroy any one else but themselves while they are on their destructive path through life. And somehow, someway, difficult child's usually find someway to continue their downward spiral after we as their parents struggle with the guilt, grief, and despair of their actions and of what they are doing unto themselves.

    I try to picture it this way. difficult child 1 will either continue to "harm" and I will appreciate later that I did not get involved, or they will loose all control of their possible destruction and maybe the possibility of help will arise.

    Best of luck to you, I feel your pain.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I just lay it on the line. I co-sign for no one, under no circumstances, no any reason, period.

    Just too easy to get stuck holding the bag, literally. Case in point easy child and sister in law.

    That way it's not personal.
  4. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I've never co-signed anything nor have I ever asked anyone else to co-sign for me. I just don't believe that family/friendships and financial stuff mix very well.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    My brother in law co-signed a $1000 loan for me back in 1982 when I was 19 so I could purchase a car before my parents moved 3000 miles away to retire. I had asked my mom, but she refused. If my brother in law hadn't done that for me I would have had no way to get to work, etc. I'm still thankful for that first break so I could build my credit.

    I have since co-signed an auto lease for easy child - that has not been a mistake as she's very responsible and pays it faithfully every month. I had co-signed the lease for her and her college boyfriend - that was a HUGE mistake as they defected after only a few months and I was left dealing with the shark of a landlady. Thanfully, we found another lessor.

    If difficult child asked me to co-sign anything, I probably would not do it. Her history of being irresponsible speaks for itself. However, I'm so grateful that my brother in law had faith in me back then...and apparently still does because I've worked for him since 1993!

    I think it depends on the person asking...you have to go with what you're comfortable with.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wouldnt co-sign anything because I cant. I would help if I could.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with JoG. I would co-sign a loan for my easy child because I know that she would be responsible about paying it off.

    I would NEVER co-sign a loan or a lease for difficult child. She has never paid back any money we have lent her and walks away from bills without a second thought. I don't think that will ever change.

    Anything that we do for difficult child is done with no expectation of getting paid back.

    Witz, with your GGF's history I don't think it would be a wise idea.

    Last edited: Oct 24, 2009
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would not co-sign for anything with difficult child. I agree with everyone else. I am going to feel horrible when difficult child is homeless but that's the choices she is making.

  9. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    My dad co-signed on my first car. Actually, he bought the car and I paid him the monthly payment.

    Dad was a travelling salesman and he drove a fleet car. After a year in the fleet, these cars were turned in and sold at auction.

    I was only sixteen and not old enough to get a loan on my own. I was also on the family ins policy and paid for that monthly as well.

    Never missed a payment, and I had a really nice Chevy Impala to tool around in.

    My big turn off on co-signing came a few years later when husband co-signed for his difficult child brother and got left holding the bag on the deal. he was just trying to help out, but in all actuality shouldn't have been approved as a co-signer. He didn't have the cash inflow nor the credit to have been approved.

    brother in law left us with a payment we simply didn't have the wherewithal to make. husband wound up turning the car back into the dealer and took the hit on his credit report.

    Since then? Yeah. When times were good for us, we did help out with groceries or checks written directly to utility companies and the like, but no more taking responsibility for other peoples' debts.

    The dumbest thing any of them did was when a friend of mine co-signed with a bail bondsman to get a friend out of jail. The so-called friend promptly disappeared leaving my friend with a thirty five hundred dollar bet.

    She had no idea her friend had skipped until the bond company landed on her doorstep
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    My dad co signed nothing for anyone. I understand that completely, when I see how easy it is for someone to say "can't get blood from a stone" when they can't make payments. It's your hard earned money they can so casually walk away from repaying. I get my dad and really appreciate his common sense now.
    My husband co signs nothing for anyone either. He has helped a few get on their feet but not by co signing.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    It is highly UNlikely that I would co-sign a loan for ANYONE and this goes double for a difficult child. Just doesn't seem like a wise thing to do. Very similar to what Fran said... I do believe in helping family (if I am able) who are trying their best, who show integrity, etc. get on their feet.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband has been working long odd hours lately, so if I want to know what's going on I suppose that I will have to be the one that calls M to ask if they have found something, if I want to know what's going on. It's hard to resist. And it would probably not hurt for me to take an interest for once...