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Parent Emeritus
Gaining some ground again
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629800" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Welcome back, COM. I'm glad the meetings helped.</p><p></p><p>I think we kind of cycle with how we do this. We're ok, then we aren't, then we are, then we hit a dark hole, and eventually it gets better longer. And as we get better and less reactive, they come to us less when they are fueled with drama because t hey don't get what they need from us...a reaction, angst, a scapegoat for them who argues with them, and, of course, money, which is often the big issue. If we were "good" parents, by God, every penny we made would go to them for drugs (kind of twisted and exaggerated, of course, but often their relationship with us boils down to getting us to do what they MANDATE that we do or they won't talk to us. Or they SAY they won't talk to us until the next time they need money. Or, in some wonderful instances, they actually quit using drugs.</p><p></p><p>I think it is more complicated with a person like 36 whose main problem is not drugs, but who has had problems with rules all of his life. It's part of his inborn personality. And he does overuse Xanax and he drinks every single day. Whether that means he's an alcoholic or not, I don't know. He also chews. It's a disgusting habit, but somebody dared him to try it, he did, and after one time, he claims he got addicted to it. I believe him. I also think he shows an addictive personality. He can't quit. He has a limited ability to tolerate discomfort, plus it is harder to quit than cigarettes and, from watching my husband quit smoking, I know how hard THAT is.</p><p></p><p>The bottom line is that you are back and we are glad and we are always here for you as you so kindly have been for us. It is ok to slip. These are our beloved children. Of course we are sad sometimes. And we all understand and love you mucho. Keep your chin up and remember we are walking beside you and so is your God. You are never alone when you fall.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 629800, member: 1550"] Welcome back, COM. I'm glad the meetings helped. I think we kind of cycle with how we do this. We're ok, then we aren't, then we are, then we hit a dark hole, and eventually it gets better longer. And as we get better and less reactive, they come to us less when they are fueled with drama because t hey don't get what they need from us...a reaction, angst, a scapegoat for them who argues with them, and, of course, money, which is often the big issue. If we were "good" parents, by God, every penny we made would go to them for drugs (kind of twisted and exaggerated, of course, but often their relationship with us boils down to getting us to do what they MANDATE that we do or they won't talk to us. Or they SAY they won't talk to us until the next time they need money. Or, in some wonderful instances, they actually quit using drugs. I think it is more complicated with a person like 36 whose main problem is not drugs, but who has had problems with rules all of his life. It's part of his inborn personality. And he does overuse Xanax and he drinks every single day. Whether that means he's an alcoholic or not, I don't know. He also chews. It's a disgusting habit, but somebody dared him to try it, he did, and after one time, he claims he got addicted to it. I believe him. I also think he shows an addictive personality. He can't quit. He has a limited ability to tolerate discomfort, plus it is harder to quit than cigarettes and, from watching my husband quit smoking, I know how hard THAT is. The bottom line is that you are back and we are glad and we are always here for you as you so kindly have been for us. It is ok to slip. These are our beloved children. Of course we are sad sometimes. And we all understand and love you mucho. Keep your chin up and remember we are walking beside you and so is your God. You are never alone when you fall. [/QUOTE]
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