Gangs... anyone else?

[Bean]

Has anyone else's kid joined a gang? My daughter got involved in one a couple years ago. It has been a nightmare. We've had attacks made on our home, which doesn't help with the little ones feeling secure at home. Her gang affiliations have been a huge part of her not being allowed in our home.

I think she was involved in the gang life before I really knew what was going on. She say or do things that, looking back, make sense. But at the time it was hard to know. Gang culture has made its way into the mainstream.

It's been a hard thing to come to grips with, especially knowing what girl gang members have to do to be a part of the gang. She said she got jumped in, but without lingering on it too much, it will always be a question mark over my head. I think she's compromised herself many times over the past few years to earn the (fake) loyalty of her gang friends.

She's kind of like a dry drunk right now with the gang affiliations. She still wears the color a lot, and talks to gang members all over the country (Myspace is a great gang-banger hookup), writes men in prison... she has not completely washed herself of that lifestyle. So I don't know if she'll get back into it. Right now she's on probation and doesn't want to get caught an go back to jail.

 

[Wiped Out]

Bean,
Sending gentle hugs your way. I'm sure this has to be really hard to deal with. Wish I had some great advice but I really don't have any experience in this area. My difficult child would love to be in a gang and always says he is but really isn't.

Praying your daughter will make the choices she needs to make.

 

[Bean]

Thanks Wiped Out, I appreciate that. As I've been told, gangs definitely are thrilling to kids who are seeking thrills, and to ones who want to fit in somewhere. My daughter was always able to get along with kids from different backgrounds, but she never felt the comfort of "fitting in" a group. I can see where gangs held an appeal for her.

 

[DammitJanet]

We didnt have real gangs out here in the boonies but we did have a group of teen boys who lived on the same road who called themselves the Deep Branch Crew or DBC for short. My idiot son had that tattooed on his arm in jail...lol. The kids spray painted it on various signs and the roads at points. Now the original group of teens who started it have grown up and the next set has moved into the crew. I suppose my kids were the original...dont know for sure..it may have been around for years for all I know.

They never did anything illegal other than spray paint barns and the road. Now I think the teens may be into a bit more stuff like stealing. Not all but a few.

My son thinks the real gangs are stupid. He cant imagine doing stuff like that for someone else.

 

[klmno]

It sounds like she still is caught up in it- just trying to hide it due to the probation. They have a couple of programs here for kids involved in the legal system to help them get away from the gang life but I don't know if they are any good or if they help more than cause more problems. My son is in Department of Juvenile Justice right now and has met a LOT of gang memebers in there. He says he hasn't joined one and I can only hope that he stays away from them- he has enough problems to deal with already.

 

[Marguerite]

We don't have the same kind of gang problems in Australia. There are still gangs, of sorts, but different. Often race-based, often very restricted in terms of membership. Mostly not organised on a large scale except for biker gangs and some mafia or triad-based gangs. And they're not likely to be recruiting teens!

From what I know - gang membership can be very difficult to extricate yourself from, but it must happen because I don't know any gangs that would welcome geriatric members! Surely there is some age at which they will let people ease out? As long as the gang realises that the former member is not likely to cause them any trouble or talk, it would be far more sensible for the gang to let people leave rather than risk calling more unwelcome attention to themselves by trying to hold on to people who are reluctant to be involved further.

Trying to walk the tightrope of non-membership would be almost as diffuclt, I imagine, in an area with a high level of gang membership. Perhaps the most important thing is to try to stay below their radar (either as former member or non-member) and not give out any challenges.

Not easy, especially for kids who didn't have a lot of judgement and wisdom to exercise in the first place...

Marg