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Substance Abuse
Gave daughter 2 weeks to move out
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757312" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with the others and support you in your decision that they both leave. I agree that the situation is abusive. It's not helping her, him, and most of all, you, your husband and son. By her choices and behavior she is bringing everybody down to her level. She's living like an animal and forcing you' to live this way, with her.</p><p></p><p>It's a blessing it has not been worse. Even more destructive and violent. I pray it does not worsen before she leaves. Based upon my experience getting them to leave is not necessarily cut and dry. My own son squatted on my property for a long time. I had to call the police repeatedly, get an order of trespass and I was on the brink of getting a restraining order.</p><p></p><p>I would check into the legal requirements in your state to give notice. Even if they did not pay rent, they may have established legal tenancy. It would not hurt to look into it.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile there is the emotional cost to you of what you're going through which all of us understand and most of us have gone through. It sounds like you've got lots of experience and support through your history with the Facebook group. But have you thought about Al Anon too, for support, and for counsel?</p><p></p><p>I think we as parents are unqualified to diagnose our children, especially if they're using heavily drugs and/or alcohol. Addiction to these substances can alter the brain, and this mimics mental illnesses. And addiction itself comes to dominate the personality and intrinsic motivation. In my own experience with addicts what happens is that the addiction comes to inhabit, dominate and overrule the personality of the user. Only if they become sober, and maintain it, does the real personality return.</p><p></p><p>Which is to say that the personality elements that seem Borderline, may be the aspects of an addictive personality. Or, of course, she may have the Personality Disorder which is known as Borderline.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line, she is an adult and her mental diagnoses, whatever they are, are her business and her responsibility. That's what I have come to in my own life. My son has a right to live as he wishes, to seek help or not. To degrade himself or not. What he has no right to do is to degrade me or to determine what my life is like or to bring down my household. To the extent that I allow that to happen, is on me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757312, member: 18958"] I agree with the others and support you in your decision that they both leave. I agree that the situation is abusive. It's not helping her, him, and most of all, you, your husband and son. By her choices and behavior she is bringing everybody down to her level. She's living like an animal and forcing you' to live this way, with her. It's a blessing it has not been worse. Even more destructive and violent. I pray it does not worsen before she leaves. Based upon my experience getting them to leave is not necessarily cut and dry. My own son squatted on my property for a long time. I had to call the police repeatedly, get an order of trespass and I was on the brink of getting a restraining order. I would check into the legal requirements in your state to give notice. Even if they did not pay rent, they may have established legal tenancy. It would not hurt to look into it. Meanwhile there is the emotional cost to you of what you're going through which all of us understand and most of us have gone through. It sounds like you've got lots of experience and support through your history with the Facebook group. But have you thought about Al Anon too, for support, and for counsel? I think we as parents are unqualified to diagnose our children, especially if they're using heavily drugs and/or alcohol. Addiction to these substances can alter the brain, and this mimics mental illnesses. And addiction itself comes to dominate the personality and intrinsic motivation. In my own experience with addicts what happens is that the addiction comes to inhabit, dominate and overrule the personality of the user. Only if they become sober, and maintain it, does the real personality return. Which is to say that the personality elements that seem Borderline, may be the aspects of an addictive personality. Or, of course, she may have the Personality Disorder which is known as Borderline. Bottom line, she is an adult and her mental diagnoses, whatever they are, are her business and her responsibility. That's what I have come to in my own life. My son has a right to live as he wishes, to seek help or not. To degrade himself or not. What he has no right to do is to degrade me or to determine what my life is like or to bring down my household. To the extent that I allow that to happen, is on me. [/QUOTE]
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Gave daughter 2 weeks to move out
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