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Substance Abuse
Gave daughter 2 weeks to move out
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<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 757313" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>Thank you all so much for your replies and support. </p><p></p><p>Legally they have tenants rights which here in CA is 60 days notice. Then the eviction process would begin if they did not leave (which would be $$ for us and an eviction on their record for them..well for her. He technically didn't live here but he did.). However violence is different but I don't know if that includes verbal...I think only physical. My daughter doesn't want to hurt us and we don't want to hurt her. I gave them two weeks but they came to retreive their necessities yesterday so they are ready to get out. I over heard him telling her how uncomfortable he was here. She said she was too but didn't want to go to his parent's house. If they end up on their own in an apartment and she continues drinking it is likely an incident will occur, cops will be called and one or both will go to jail and there will be another protective order. I will not help again in that aspect. After seeing first hand how they operate, it's clear their relationship is toxic. But it really seems like only toxic when she's drinking. They enjoy similar things, similar food, styles, or maybe it's the weed they enjoy and nothing else. I can't control who she picks for a partner. And I keep reminding myself that it's not my fault, that she is now an "adult".</p><p></p><p>I have been to alanon. Unfortunately they are not having face to face meetings and recently the group on Facebook has removed all three of my recent posts because they felt it wasnt specific enough to Alanon...more venting. I actually feel quite annoyed by that as I specically tried to keep it less about the addict and more about me and my emotions over this (since alanon is all about learning to focus on ourselves and the steps.) Anyway, I do find it helpful and will probably start attending again when the meetings open up. Also therapy maybe.</p><p></p><p>Today I have not cried...yet. My son has a friend over. I feel a bit more peaceful but I don't know where my daughter's and my relationship stands. I really wish they would have just moved on without us having to give the boot. It's ridiculous we waited this long snd kept hoping for change. And now it makes us the "bad guy" when really we gave them shelter and food and security for a year and a half...he was easy to</p><p> have around because he was helpful. And he was not upset about them leaving...but my daughter....her comfort zone is gone.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure she has Borderline (BPD), and I totally agree that until someone is completely sober for a while, no diagnosis should be considered accurate or final. Psychiatry is always changing too. They used to think Borderline (BPD) was caused by the mother...then only abuse, now they know much of it is an innate temperament combined with an invalidating environment. The only reason for a diagnosis is for the treatment. But the signs and symptoms have been there since around 14, before alcohol and drugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 757313, member: 22313"] Thank you all so much for your replies and support. Legally they have tenants rights which here in CA is 60 days notice. Then the eviction process would begin if they did not leave (which would be $$ for us and an eviction on their record for them..well for her. He technically didn't live here but he did.). However violence is different but I don't know if that includes verbal...I think only physical. My daughter doesn't want to hurt us and we don't want to hurt her. I gave them two weeks but they came to retreive their necessities yesterday so they are ready to get out. I over heard him telling her how uncomfortable he was here. She said she was too but didn't want to go to his parent's house. If they end up on their own in an apartment and she continues drinking it is likely an incident will occur, cops will be called and one or both will go to jail and there will be another protective order. I will not help again in that aspect. After seeing first hand how they operate, it's clear their relationship is toxic. But it really seems like only toxic when she's drinking. They enjoy similar things, similar food, styles, or maybe it's the weed they enjoy and nothing else. I can't control who she picks for a partner. And I keep reminding myself that it's not my fault, that she is now an "adult". I have been to alanon. Unfortunately they are not having face to face meetings and recently the group on Facebook has removed all three of my recent posts because they felt it wasnt specific enough to Alanon...more venting. I actually feel quite annoyed by that as I specically tried to keep it less about the addict and more about me and my emotions over this (since alanon is all about learning to focus on ourselves and the steps.) Anyway, I do find it helpful and will probably start attending again when the meetings open up. Also therapy maybe. Today I have not cried...yet. My son has a friend over. I feel a bit more peaceful but I don't know where my daughter's and my relationship stands. I really wish they would have just moved on without us having to give the boot. It's ridiculous we waited this long snd kept hoping for change. And now it makes us the "bad guy" when really we gave them shelter and food and security for a year and a half...he was easy to have around because he was helpful. And he was not upset about them leaving...but my daughter....her comfort zone is gone. I am not sure she has Borderline (BPD), and I totally agree that until someone is completely sober for a while, no diagnosis should be considered accurate or final. Psychiatry is always changing too. They used to think Borderline (BPD) was caused by the mother...then only abuse, now they know much of it is an innate temperament combined with an invalidating environment. The only reason for a diagnosis is for the treatment. But the signs and symptoms have been there since around 14, before alcohol and drugs. [/QUOTE]
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